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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left DS sobbing in bed?

70 replies

mumbar · 09/01/2011 19:10

DS is 6yo and starting to push many boundaries. He especially seems just to almost disregard anything I've said like hes not heard it.

Anyway tonight I said he could stay up a little later and watch a little of Dancing on Ice as he had a long lie in this morning.

He was in the lounge and I was in the kitchen (off the lounge) washing up. He asked me to shut the kitchen door. I said to turn the TV up if he needed too and he said 'No, I want you to push the door shut'. I reiterated what I had said and said I wanted to watch it too.

Hethen asked if he could switch off the lights and get his blanket. I said 'yes, but you must sit on the sofa as I have got a coffee on the table.'

I turned around from washing up 2 minutes later and he was prancing around in the dark in the lounge, arms everywhere, and hadn't even got his blanket.

So I told him he had to go to bed as if he wanted to stay up he would have been nicer to me and would have listened. He cried, I gave him a kiss, told him what a great job he had done tidying his room (trying to end it on a positive).

He was crying when I left the room and is now doing a fake hysterical wail. Actually that has stopped since starting this post and now he is banging (not hard) on the wall.

I'm ignoring. AIBU??

OP posts:
LurksAscending · 09/01/2011 21:10

mumbar Sun 09-Jan-11 19:25:03 I do think I have done something wrong in raising him. He just doesn't engage or respond to people. Yesterday someone said his name, he looked at them, listened to their question and then looked back at the menu in his hand and just disregarded the fact they needed an answer.

I feel just like this. It seems like I try and try to be fair and consistant during the day but then at bed time will end up getting really cross, realising afterward how out of proportion I have been.

Here's to hoping its a short phase!

Bogeyface · 09/01/2011 21:16

Its perfectly ok!

He was told what he had to do, he was given this as a treat on certain conditions, he broke those conditions so had to go to bed.

Saying "aww you are being mean, he was just being cute" is all well and good but then the pushing gets worse and he, say, wont go to bed on a normal night, or refuses to tidy up etc because he knows mummy doesnt follow through her threats.

If you say you will do something then it has to be done, otherwise you end up with the kids that no one else likes because they cant behave and do as they are asked.

......*wonders how many kids there are like that belonging to MNers if this thread is anything to go by!

BringOnTheGoat · 09/01/2011 21:21

YANBU at all - nothing wrong with telling children off. All this bargaining and reasoning is wasted on them. They are children not miniature adults ffs - carry on being a parent - the greatest gift you can give your child is to be the adult. Sounds like you're doing right things to me.

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 21:22

revolting not being a mum yet doesn't mean you can't offer good advice. Smile. Your right I told him I was giving him the priviledge of staying up and watching DonI, and that he needed to sit quietly and watch it. I warned him he would have to go to bed if he got overexcited. Almost immedately he began being rude about the kitchen and then asked for his blanket/ lights off. He was told 'yes', and given the boundaries. He ignored this so went to bed. Its true about the sense of justice. I am trying to give a little where I can (treats/extras). Buts its all about give and take. Hopefully he'll get this sooner rather than later!!

lurks You may have a point there, you spend all day encouraging and modelling and tonight was 'my' time as such (eg his bedtime!) and wanted to share it with him - I was unprepared for him wanting it all Grin Because of the fact he's not responding to people I am conciosly trying to respond to him every time he talks to me, trying to model this, unfortunatly this has started him going on and on as he knows I'll give him my attention. Need to find that balance between repsonding and ignoring appropriatly.

and lizard Yes I am lucky re DS and bed, he's been a bit of a pickle lately wanting drinks, calling me but I seem to have cracked this. Now we have the next challenge. Grin

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/01/2011 21:22

whoknowswhatthefutureholds

  1. Praised him overly for following instructions (did a sticker chart for each time he did a chore, which gained him a week of extra stories at bed when he reached 50)

Will he not read his own bedtime stories by then? Wink :o

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/01/2011 21:23

Mumbar, you did the right thing. We love our children so much and when they feel bad, we feel bad, or at least confused and a bit insecure. That is why we end up here asking others what they think.

Truth is he is 6yo and You Are The Boss Of Him. You are teaching him a valuable lesson, one that will pay off for both of you in the long term if you stick to your guns. Disciplining our children is tough for us and for them, but it is necessary for all our wellbeing.

Good for you.

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 21:28

oh more replies. Thanks bogey Did laugh at your post and wondered if you'd met my friend. She said he DC2 was 'cheeky, cute' for years. Now she admits laughing wasn't the best way to deal with it and is facing a battle of wills I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Sad And yes I agree with the wanting more. My DS proved tonight even DC's with boundaries can push for more, hopefully the fact it was revoked will teach him to accept what he's given/got.

Thanks bringon I'm glad I have stauck with this thread before seeing DS. I was all prepared for the fact I was BU, but more and more people re saying - theres nothing wrong with being a parent and placing boundaries.

Before I set a consequence and always followed through. It was the wailing and banging tonight that threw me. Appears it was attention seeking and I fear if I had given in to it I could have started a bad routine.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 21:31

Sorry last bit was to dione. Forgot to type your name Blush Your right I felt bad as he was making such a fuss. He nearly had me too! Wink

OP posts:
Rev084 · 09/01/2011 22:00

Doesn't sound like YABU to me. Listening to other people is an important skill. My nephew of 6 seems to be a little like this... like if I initiate a conversation about school or something, its like I'm talking to myself. Maybe its a boy thing, I don't remember myself or my two sisters being like that (my DD is only 2 so remains to be seen).

You are teaching him good things so don't feel bad.

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 22:05

Thanks rev. It does seem to be an age thing from this thread!! Hopefully by being consistant we will move on quickly. Grin

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 09/01/2011 22:06

Sounds like they all went back to school and are now playing up. I will bear this in mind, my DS goes back tomorrow.

mommmmyof2 · 09/01/2011 22:08

Mumbar when I said hard i meant being able to do what you did and ignore him in his room, I can't as I am not strong enough and it was no dig at you!
But on the other hand we are talking about a 6 year old here aren't we or did I loose it somewhere! You sometimes talk like he is older and to be honest I actualy think I am glad to be the way I am!!

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 22:11

I know it was no dig - sorry if it came across that way Blush I was ignoring him as the reaction was due to him being 'punished' for his behaviour after warnings. Normally if he calls me (not often) I go and see what he wants with a gentle reminder bedtime is just that!

OP posts:
Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 22:14

Yes dione your right it could be the return to school tiredness. Whens half term? WinkGrin

OP posts:
Opinionatedfreak · 10/01/2011 00:32

I thought you sounded very reasonable.

He didn't do what you asked and in fact put himself in danger (due to hot coffee on the table).

I am however a strict old trout.

singingcat · 10/01/2011 00:44

YANBU

He was being very cheeky. At 6 he is old enough to understand that he has to behave. I think a lot of parents don't take this kind of attitude to task and then complain when their child is 15 and doesn't give a shit about anything they say. Well duh.

It sounds like you devote a lot of time and effort to making sure he has an enjoyable time in general, it's important that mum means what she says.

egopostulosomnus · 10/01/2011 10:37

singingcat, i could have written your post!

set the rules and boundaries and teach respect from an early age, it may be hard at the time but it is NOTHING compared to the utter cr*p you will get from them if they become undisciplined teens. and at 6 you can make up with a cuddle, at 16 it is just not that easy.

good for you mumbar!

xfirsttimemummyx · 10/01/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2011 13:04

xfirsttimemummyx

Why was she wrong to put rules in place? I dont understand why you think that was a problem?

Original poster
mumbar · 11/01/2011 07:29

Thanks everyone.

DS woke up yesterday morning and asked if he could watch DonI on ITVplayer. I said to get ready for school then yes. He got dressed, washed in record time! and siad he was sad he'd missed it on TV and was sorry he didn't listen. He finished watching it last night after school.He asked if he could watch it on TV this week if he did as I asked.

So actually he has learnt a valuable lesson - so I feel a little less guilty!!

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