to think that those who moan about the cost of childcare

[3x3]

should stay at home and mind their kids themsleves?

Now i'm not talking about those who have to work to pay their mortgages etc. to survive.But those who say 'oh i don't know why i work so hard and pay so much to the creche,i only come home with ?60 a month after paying the creche'

Eh,?60 won't pay your mortgage?? So therefore you dont NEED to work so mind your own children and save ?1600 a month. Simples!!

maybe they don't want to be a SAHP? And maybe they like their job.

I've never heard anyone saying they only take home £60 a month though.

I did not put up this thread to bash woman who go back to work.Some of you have understood my point some of you have not.That is the internet. I was implying that if you can afford to stay at home with your child then rather than working so many hours and being unhappy about it and wanting to spend more time with your children,then £60 would not make much a difference and you could stay at home with your children.Yes some of you prefer to work,but surely when your baby is 3 mths old they need you more. I was NOT implying that those of you who have to work to survive, like most people in this day and age,should stay at home or feel you have to.
Yes i'am a sahm but i also work part-time in the evenings when my children are tucked up in bed so there is a balance and my kids have me during the day and i still WORK. Also i have an education thanks to whoever said i don't?!Just because i found a way to balance being a sahm and a worker does mean im ignorant ot people who have to work in the day.I was talking about those who moan about paying high childcare and not coming home with much after it,when they could be at home.
So it is my first post,does that mean i cannot speak my mind?? Many of you have done just that??

I understand why nurseries charge what they charge, and don't begrudge them that - it's more the lack of help you get towards paying them if you work which annoys me - yes there needs to be a taper, and above a certain wage, you don't need help, however at the moment it's in a way that you lose any incentive to go above a minimum wage shelf stacking job, as the subsidy for childcare drops off dramatically. And I reserve the right to moan about that.

Yeah, we'll cope until the kids are in school and childcare costs drop, but I still don't find it quite fair, that a proportionally much larger part of my income is eaten up by childcare costs, so that we're dropped back to the level of somebody who earns much less.

Why does moaning about the cost of childcare equate to being unhappy about working and wanting to spend more time with my children?

You work p/t in the evening? Brilliant, bully for you. I'm guessing that someone is there from fairly early on to let you away to work? You're also lucky that you live someone which gives you access to evening work - not everyone does.

So who should pay for your childcare then WidowWadman?

"I was implying that if you can afford to stay at home with your child then rather than working so many hours and being unhappy about it and wanting to spend more time with your children,then £60 would not make much a difference and you could stay at home with your children.Yes some of you prefer to work,but surely when your baby is 3 mths old they need you more."

see this is different to what you were saying at the start.
now you are saying that these women who complain are unhappy at work and would rather be with their children. you also never mentioned a 3 month old baby at the start. if you had said all this at the start instead of 128 posts in then you may have had different responses. AIBU by stealth doesn't go down well here.

WidowWadman, did you have children based on an understanding that someone else would pay the childcare costs?

3x3 I'm guessing you were writing about a particular person then? Someone you know in rl who has put their 3 month old in nursery and has then moaned about only getting £60 a month spare?
You really should have said that then.

oh whatever iloveitwhenyoucallmeboo you will never understand my point.Am i worried?? no!ye twat!

Maisiethemorningsidecat - bully for me? Sorry i work evenings.Looks like no matter what i say will be twisted.First i was a typical sahm who could not see a working mothers point of view and now just because i work part time im lucky too?

The air of bitchiness on this site is unreal!! Would you all get off your high horses and get real.
We are not robots who have to agree with each other,we all have different views and opinions...wow so shoot me!

Back to a normal forum with people who speak not bully. Chow ye bunch of muppets!!!!!!!!

I never expected that someone else should take over all my childcare costs, I just said that at the moment, the way that help with childcare cost is tapered means that there is very little incentive to go above minimum wage on a part time basis and keep/further your career, as what is left over after childcare in a fulltime job at a certain level is the same or less than what is left over in a part time minimum wage job.

I don't quite see how this observation translates into me not wanting to pay any childcare costs. I do pay them, I don't drop out of my career, I don't plan to go part time, just to keep myself under the level at which subsidy stops.

Which means I'll pay more taxes and NI contributions than I would if I did drop my career. In the long run I'll have the advantage of career progression, doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt until then.

what a massively out of proportion response to me pointing out why you got the replies that you did.

don't think 3X3 even gets what she is saying.

"Which means I'll pay more taxes and NI contributions than I would if I did drop my career. In the long run I'll have the advantage of career progression, doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt until then."

of course it does, but that's life and i don't know anyone that was promised an easy ride in this world. doing things you don't like in order to progress in life whilst still raising your family is par for teh course as far as I'm concerned, and i agree, we don't have to like it but i just got a sense of "it's not fair" from your post. i am maybe mistaken about that. if so i apologise.

I generally find that those who make these comments or those who get unusually upset about them hold a certain amount of guilt over their own choices and arent entirely sure if what they are doing is right.

I work full time and am studying for my degree at night. I have 2 dc and number 3 on the way. I have a very busy life and comments that may appear hurtful or insulting to someone like me (i.e. pay someone to raise your children etc.. ) go completely over my head and are water off a duck's back. Our family is a very happy one and the choices dh and I have made, so far, appear to the right ones for us and our children. I feel absolutely no need to justify any of these choices and nothing on this thread has upset or bothered me in the slightest.

I do believe however that the OP (by posting this thread) has issues with her own lifestyle, for reasons stated above. For that reason, I feel sorry for the OP and hope things change/ get better for her soon.

Was going to respond to 3x3's latest, but she seems to have vamoosed, so never mind...

One really big problem which hasn't been focused on much here is making your own money, even if it isn't much.

My DM gave up work at my DF's insistence; she eventually started her own tutoring business and worked p/t but it was all quite informal.

When they split c. age 56, guess who had a solid final-salary pension? Guess whose name the house was in? Etc. They've reached a settlement of sorts now but my DM will never be as well-off as my DF. He is retired and has two apartments...

She is 60+ and still runs her tutoring business. She works 6-day weeks, sometimes 8-8 with only short breaks. She reckons she'll have to work into her 70s.

There is a lesson in there somewhere.

I don;t think you read the title of this topic properly. Its Am I Being Unreasonable, not "yo bitches heres what I think don't bother answering unless you agree with me you fuckers"

@ buzz.

If my DC was going to be born at a different time of year it'd be in childcare at 6 weeks. Why? Because where I live that's all the maternity leave I get.

Thankfully the arrival coincides nicely with the end of the teaching year and if I have to go in to work to invigilate a retake/a meeting/whatever then DH will have to take a day off work.

The decision for me to go back to work full time and barely clear anything after nursery fees was the right one - I suffered PND and the thought of going back to work was the only thing that saved my sanity. I was convinced that DS would suffer if I was at home with him all day.

Am better now and have even requested a flexible work arrangement and from the end of Feb will be working a 4 day week!!

When I went back I probably didn't have more than £60 after tax, child care & petrol but I was a better Mummy because of it. OP should remember, the SAHM doesn't suit everyone for a variety of reasons.

Yes, I after a crap day at work I sometimes complained that it hardly seemed worth it but are there no SAHM that sometimes have a crap day at home and think 'I wish I'd gone back to work'?