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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest people saying things "to" children...

124 replies

WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 11:58

...that they don't dare say to the nearby adult for whom the message is really intended?

Mum in playgroup whose 4 year old is grappling with my 1 year old for possession of a toy: "Never mind, Barnaby, the little boy obviously hasn't learned how to share"

Random stranger on bus, to baby: "Oh dear, what nasty person made you go out with no gloves on like that!"

Worse still though are the emotionally blackmailing ones to kids old enough to be confused by them...

Elderly relative to my 7 year old on our monthly visit: "I hope you won't take so long about visiting me next time (injured sniff)"

Relative to my daughter: "When Mummy has the baby, can I come with you when you meet her for the first time?" (to which sweet innocent child says "Yes of course you can" while annoying relative, who has been asked to give us a few hours after the birth before they descend, shoots triumphant glance at me over child's head)

I hate sneakiness of all kinds, but trying to implicate children in sneakiness really ticks me off.

OP posts:
Plumm · 07/01/2011 12:03

YANBU, and I hope you corrected the eldery relative straight away.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 12:07

YANBU my mum does this all. the. fucking. time.

I ignore it now. She'll have to find some other way to get a rise out of me.

choppitychop · 07/01/2011 12:10

I hate this too.

A random woman in the supermarket once said "to" my 6 month old baby daughter "ooh, somebody's Mummy's been leaving him out in the sun too long hasn't she!"

DD has beautiful naturally tanned-looking skin due to some asian genes.

Didn't really know what to say so I just walked off as it's none of the nosey old cow's business anyway!

KnittingRocks · 07/01/2011 12:11

YANBU. Went out for pizza with my then ten month old and friend with her ten month old, we were doing BLW so I gave my son a bit of pizza, salad, etc. Friend (who was doing purees) turned to her son and said "I know you look like you want some too but you're far too young for pizza".

Shock Angry Hmm

Annoys me sooo much!

victoriascrumptious · 07/01/2011 12:11

YANBU.
You would not BU to kick em in the crumpet

storminabuttercup · 07/01/2011 12:12

DP's mum is constantly telling our 4 MONTH old that Grandma is very lonely and is always on her own etc etc (she isnt btw) drives me mental!

earwicga · 07/01/2011 12:14

Blimey - YANBU

Have to say though, that I don't remember this ever happening to me.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 07/01/2011 12:15

I know exactly what you mean. Angry

With regards the descent 2 hours after you have given birth - this is one that really got my goat all 4 times, the last person I want to see in my newly delivered state is my FIL - I ended up snapping at DH when he got 'The Call' asking when they could come

'Ask them if they would mind terribly if I scooped up my innards and put them back inside before they come 'to look'? Thanks so much'

'They heard you say that!'

'Jolly good!'

notnowbernard · 07/01/2011 12:16

YANBU this drives me nuts as well

The people who refer to themselves and their baby as one:

Me: How are things?

Adult: Oh we're, fine, aren't we? We had a little cold didn't we, but we're on the mend, aren't we? Etc etc

DMCWelshCakes · 07/01/2011 12:17

I complained about a shop assistant who told DiddyDragon (age 2) that "if Mummy had told her the right thing then she wouldn't have had to bring so many boxes out". Clarks head office were NOT impressed. Haven't seen her in the shop since, but have no idea if that's coincidental or not.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 12:17

"mum is constantly telling our 4 MONTH old that Grandma is very lonely and is always on her own etc etc (she isnt btw) drives me mental!"

THAT IS MY MOTHER! The barmpot.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 07/01/2011 12:17

YANBU

my dad does it, aswell as other family members. it is so infantile and PA. i usually just say "you can talk to me directly if you have something to say."

storminabuttercup · 07/01/2011 12:19

LadyOfTheFlower - DPs dad made 'The Call' from outside the hospital after he'd been told we didnt want visitors. think he thought if he just turned up we'd let him in!

PenelopeGarcia · 07/01/2011 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swanandduck · 07/01/2011 12:22

YANBU. But I also can't stand parents who sit on tubes and buses having loud, 'adult' conversations with their two year old dd or ds hoping everyone is listening and thinking how cute they are.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 07/01/2011 12:22

Buttercup - Angry

My own father did that actually, but without the call first, only with the first child mind you, he didn't make the same mistake again! Hmm
I think his wife was 'puppeteering' him as usual... 'Go and get a photo Bob so we can see the baby too..' Don't know the woman from Adam. Hmm

lazarusinNazareth · 07/01/2011 12:23

I think it's sad that people feel that it's acceptable to manipulate children and their parents in this way. My MIL used to do it, I pulled her up on it every time and it doesn't happen so often now!

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 12:26

I did correct the birth-visit-hungry relative immediately by saying calmly (in front of the roomful of people who were present at the time - moment had been picked carefully by relative, thinking that I could not possibly dissapoint my family with an audience!) "I think that's quite a lot of responsibility to put on a six year old. We'll have a chat about it later."

Triumphant look faded somewhat Grin

I'm pleased to hear some people have never experienced this - perhaps they are less likely to stand for crap than I am!

OP posts:
badcoverversion · 07/01/2011 12:27

Barnaby's Mother is a total bitch.

Some silly mare once said to my 2.10yo DS "oh is your Mummy making you grow your hair long like a girl?"

My kid piped up "I like bigger boys with long hair and 'staches and so does my Mummy!"

Okay, so I'm a big Nick Cave fan and all but my kid kind of made me sound like some sad deviant groupie.

YANBU!

storminabuttercup · 07/01/2011 12:29

LadyOfTheFlowers - he then turned up at home the following day - DP had popped to the shop for supplies and was pretty nasty about how i hadnt let him come in etc and that he had only wanted to bring me flowers (complete lie as he would have left them at reception or brought them to the house)

He now cant understand why i dont really want to spend time with him!

Back to the subject at hand - DP's Mother will be asked to stop this as soon as DS can understand, its so ridiculous!

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 12:30

Oh swanandduck I know what you mean

Parent: "Look, there's the museum? We go there, don't we, to look at the hieroglyphics and the sarcophagus, don't we? Sar-co-pha-GUS, darling. Ooh and look, the library, that's where we go to Rhyme with Mummy, we heard some Wordsworth last week, didn't we?"

16 month old: "..."

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 12:34

badcoverversion that just made me do a snort-LOL Grin

notnowbernard · 07/01/2011 12:34

Equally irritating are those that interrupt the flow of a conversation because of some totally boring and inane request/act from their DC

Eg

"So, this job I'm applying for, I'm not sure about it you know..."

"Are you feeling doubtful? How come?"

"Well, I'm a bit worried about - "

"OH! CHARLIE! Oh you clever boy! You've rolled over all on your own, Sausage, haven't you?! You clever thing! Oh, are you stuck now? Let's get you off your tum-tum..."

Etc

maighdlin · 07/01/2011 12:37

slightly off topic my mum tells DD who can't understand yet but i stress yet.

"now if your mummy and daddy don't give you what you want you phone me and ill come over and biff them."

she's says it whispering too her or when she thinks no one else is in the room.

justcarrots29 · 07/01/2011 12:38

My mum to my dd:
"Do you want some coca-cola - or will mummy not let you?"
"I would give you some more sweets darling but mummy said you have had enough".

YANBU Angry