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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest people saying things "to" children...

124 replies

WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 11:58

...that they don't dare say to the nearby adult for whom the message is really intended?

Mum in playgroup whose 4 year old is grappling with my 1 year old for possession of a toy: "Never mind, Barnaby, the little boy obviously hasn't learned how to share"

Random stranger on bus, to baby: "Oh dear, what nasty person made you go out with no gloves on like that!"

Worse still though are the emotionally blackmailing ones to kids old enough to be confused by them...

Elderly relative to my 7 year old on our monthly visit: "I hope you won't take so long about visiting me next time (injured sniff)"

Relative to my daughter: "When Mummy has the baby, can I come with you when you meet her for the first time?" (to which sweet innocent child says "Yes of course you can" while annoying relative, who has been asked to give us a few hours after the birth before they descend, shoots triumphant glance at me over child's head)

I hate sneakiness of all kinds, but trying to implicate children in sneakiness really ticks me off.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 12:38

It's what unassertive people do

cantgetlaidingermany · 07/01/2011 12:38

My mil does it all the time....annoying in the extreme

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 12:39

or bitchy people

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 12:39

Also true notnowbernard (although much more forgiveable than out-and-out insults and manipulation)

Y'know, there's something very deep about all of this involving the human need to project thoughts and desires by voicing them through innocent others... I had better go and make lunch before I hurt myself Grin

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 12:41

swanandduck - I call that Conspicuous Parenting

MyrrhyBS · 07/01/2011 12:42

My MIL to DD "I'm so sorry darling, I'd love to let you have some lemonade, but your mummy won't let me". Hmm

Unrulysun · 07/01/2011 12:45

I posted on AIBU last week because MIL said to dd (7mo) 'mummy will have a new baby soon and then you'll be put to one side and you'll have to come to Granny'. WTF? I'm not even pregnant!

The overwhelming advice was to tell her she was a very rude lady and ask her to cease and desist and to kick her in the fanjo

kmr5025 · 07/01/2011 12:45

I've had this on several occasions from various (usually older) relatives as well as complete strangers.

On one occasion my mother said to my then week old son "We'll have to remind mummy to hold our head up won't we?"! (Obviously I know how to hold the baby but not quite sure at what point I've ever held my mother's head up but she clearly sees it as a joint venture!).

To which my sister thought I should reply to the baby "We'll have to remind nanny to butt out won't we?". Tempting, but as my mother's otherwise great I think I'll just have to bite my tongue!

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 12:49

Unrulyson that sounds horrible and I have just inhaled a bit of sandwich because of your crossings-out

OP posts:
Goingspare · 07/01/2011 12:50

JamieLee It's known as Performance Parenting here. Definitely requires capital letters.

Unrulysun · 07/01/2011 12:52

I was just inhaling my own sandwich at your nickname!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 07/01/2011 12:54

NotNowBernard - great name BTW - I have recently given up chatting to someone at the school for this reason.

As soon as a child makes a sound she cuts the convo off to see what the matter is etc.

I personally have taught mine if I am speaking to someone to wait nicely and not interrupt because it is rude, unless they are hurt/about to wet themselves or something.

She then turns to me and says 'Sorry what were you saying?' and I have to honestly reply that I don't remember because the flow was interrupted 5 times in 90 seconds and I have forgotten!

justcarrots29 · 07/01/2011 12:55

A waitress to my baby dd
"Oh why have you got a dirty dummy in your mouth, you don't need that - oh take it out".

Interfering witch.

SookyStackhouse · 07/01/2011 13:00

Or passive aggressive idiots

Gabity · 07/01/2011 13:05

Drive me mad. MIL is worst offender. Every single time DD cries, whinges, moans MIL says 'ooooh are they bad to you?, ooooh what have they done to you?'

You are holding her you dozy cow, what have you done to her? Grrrrrrr.

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 13:05

Why thank you

They are all coming back to me now. My mum is probably queen of them in that she says it again with a song and dance.

e.g. to baby on knee "Someone hasn't had their nose wiped!"

me

Mum "Oh, someone hasn't had their nose wiped, nose wiped, nosey-nosey-nose wiped!"

I still refuse to dash for a muslin though, because, well, it's rude to eavesdrop isn't it Grin

OP posts:
Riddo · 07/01/2011 13:08

When I had my first nanny job, 2 year old would say things like "Mummy thinks you should clean my shoes/take me to a museum/ insert ordersuggestion here".

It used to drive me mad not because the request was unreasonable but just because it came from a two year old.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 13:11

"Do you want some coca-cola - or will mummy not let you?"
"I would give you some more sweets darling but mummy said you have had enough".

That's my mother. THAT'S MY MOTHER! Angry

DS "Can I have a third donut please, nanny?"

DM "No, darling. Mummy says no."

WTF is wrong with "no, two is quite enough, excessive even."?

Unrulysun · 07/01/2011 13:23

Passive aggressive yes but also very stupid as it requires a thought process along the lines of 'I'd like to be very rude to Unrulysun. I can't just be rude though, she would think I was being rude. I know, I'll speak to my gd and say it. That way no-one will suspect that I'm actually being very rude. Mwahahahahaha!'

GingerbreadGiraffe · 07/01/2011 13:24

Classic raw nerve hitter for me over xmas:

I work FT and feel very guilty about lack of time spent with daughter (nearly 2) Sad

At family gathering (4 adults including me plus DD), DD shy and wanting to hang off me at all times. I say "MiniGingerbread, is spending a lot of time on my lap today"

Mother says - well you dont usually get much chance do you minigingergnread"

OUCH.. Angry

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 13:25

Goingspare I love it. Makes me chuckle to myself. Much-heard here in N London

dolcegusto · 07/01/2011 13:26

Bupcakes, that's my mother too

'no you can't eat cake for tea. Mummy says no and I can't go against mummy'

dd ' oh pleeeeease'

dm ' no mummy said no. '(ie I'd let you my little angel but you have a nasty and unreasonable mother who spoils all my fun)

Drives me crazy

MrsPennySworth · 07/01/2011 13:27

This thread is so funny - yesterday at the school gates I had my 4 month old in pram in a snow suit but with no (shock horror) mittens on. Mum next to me has toddler in pram in huge snow suit/woolly hat/mittens. Cue mum standing in front of them both "oh look at your LOVELY MITTENS (to young toddler)"... I mean it was SO obvious why she said it!

Also had a "friend" who always used to tell me what was wrong with my ds1 when he was a baby and crying. "oh you're just hungry arnt you!" (5 minutes after being fed). "oh your just windy arnt u!" (having just brought up wind 5 minutes previously). This is the same person who recently tried to feed my dd1 a chocolate button when she was 6 weeks old saying she just wanted a 'little lick' of it Hmm she doesn't have children btw!

Original poster
WillYouDoTheDangFanjo · 07/01/2011 13:28

OUCH, Gingerbread. That's a horrible one.

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 07/01/2011 13:33

From my mother to both dds as babies when I was bfing: 'you want a bokkle [ie a bottle] don't you?'

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