Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that children shouldn't be screaming and running around in a library?

378 replies

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 06/01/2011 21:32

I have a feeling I'm going to get toasted to a perfect 'well done' shade of brown here.... Grin

I went to the library with DD today, and as we came in, there was a woman with a pushchair standing at the desk. As I was returning our books (not at the desk) and browsing, there were two children running around, screaming and shouting - the younger boy looked about three, the older boy five or so. They seemed to be with the mum at the desk, as she occasionally ssshhhed them (of which they took no notice at all). There was an older boy who looked to be six or seven, who joined in with the shouting and running from time to time, but wasn't causing the same chaos as the littler ones. The toddler had an utterly ear piercing shriek (I really can't stand shrill noises, so I realise I'm less tolerant of this kind of thing than many people), which he was letting rip frequently and very very loudly. There was a bloke there who I presumed to be their dad, as he sometimes spoke to them and called them over, but they didn't pay any attention at all, and he didn't push it or try to moderate their behaviour.

I joined DD in the children's section, and the two boys were running in and out of that area (then across the library to mum at the desk again). They were fighting, very vociferously, over a bottled drink, a fair bit of which got spilled on the floor. Several books were also knocked onto the floor. A couple of other children were sitting on the covered seats/cushions, and were intimidated by them rolling around, shouting and fighting. I was feeling very Hmm and wondered why the staff didn't point out to the mum that this wasn't ok behaviour.

As we checked our books out, the toddler screamed very loudly right behind me. I said "God almighty" and turned round, and the mum was walking past me with all four children. She said "What?? He's only two". I said "They've been running around screaming and fighting for the last twenty minutes. This is a library". She said "I don't care" to which I replied "Clearly; if you cared about other people, you wouldn't let your kids run around screaming and fighting". The woman walked off to the children's section.

I thought about what had happened, and thought maybe I'm completely out of sync with what's acceptable in libraries these days. As I was leaving I went to the desk and said "I know libraries aren't the solemn, silent places of the seventies, and I'm really glad about that, but is that now acceptable behaviour for children in a library? Am I way off the mark on what is ok?". The librarian said that the woman was joining the library, and that she had four children who'd never been in the library before (one was a babe in pushchair, obviously), so they didn't say anything to her. She looked quite Hmm at me.

I can see her point, and am wondering whether I was BU to say what I did. But to me, wherever I was I wouldn't let my children run around fighting and emitting ear-splitting shrieks, let alone in a library. I know it's not a sacred sanctum, but a library is supposed to be someone where you can go for peace and quiet to enjoy books.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
ShoppingDays · 07/01/2011 16:14

YANBU to expect libraries to be quiet, the librarian to keep people in order and the parents to have made more effort. I too get annoyed at noisy libraries, especially if trying to work or concentrate (and even if I'm not, others may be).

However I think you could have made your point a bit more calmly to start with (and sooner) instead of leaving it 20 minutes and then exploding.

From your post I feel annoyed with the parents for having no clue how to behave in a library, but even more so with the librarian for thinking it was OK Hmm

naughtymummy · 07/01/2011 16:15

YANBU to be annoyed by the childrens behaviour, but I don't think your comments would have helped the situation. Keeping 4 children in line in a libarey can't be easy, you were there with your single dd ? I think I would havspoken directly to the 5 and 7 year old, saying can't you show your brother some of the picture books or similar. As for the toddler sometimes they scream especially IME if they are bored and contained in a buggy. Thats life !

naughtymummy · 07/01/2011 16:16

I would have spoken obviously

SummerRain · 07/01/2011 16:19

YANBU... I was in the library with my 4 and almost 2 year old boys yesterday. They weren't brilliantly behaved but they were pulled on making too much noise and i explained to the 4 year old that there were girls studying in the corner and it wasn't nice to disturb them and he calmed down a bit. They were also made to tidy up any mess they made (library provides toys in the kids section)

I wouldn't have been brave enough to pull her on it but i think you were dead right to do so.... the parents should at least have been tryinmg to teach them decent public behaviour... the fact that it was a library has nothing to do with it, it's shared public area and should be respected.

charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 16:19

"elsiemarley Fri 07-Jan-11 16:09:47
But seriously, how do you know for a fact, that 100% of the adult population (i.e. everyone) is aware of how to behave in a library? Where are the actual facts and stats to back this up?"

please tell me you have so little common sense that you would need a report to inform you of this little bit of social ettiquette...

naughtymummy · 07/01/2011 16:27

To answear shopping trolley, Where I grew up there was a separate childrens libary and a reading room for adults to read quietly, is this no longer the case in town centre libaries, also if you wanted total quiet ,I wouldn't personaly go to the libary between say 330 and 5pm. Its not a lot of the day to avoid really ( now racking my brains to think of a situztion where total quiet is needed but only time availible is latr afternoon, failing frankly. Finally if you were to pick a time to take 4 boys to the libary would you choose afterschool on the first week back after xmas?! I would think they might be more calpable of behaving in the way expected of them first thing on saturday or during half term. Hmmm

idlingabout · 07/01/2011 16:28

OP - you are definitely NBU. The most telling part of your op is when you fisrts mentioned the behaviour to the mother her reaction was I don`t care - says it all really.

elsiemarley · 07/01/2011 16:30

Weeell.....perhaps I was being a tiny bit tongue in cheek. But seriously, I really do know people who would not have a clue. Seriously. Fruit shooting, dragged up and really really not a clue. It would not occur to them to be quite. Honestly. But hey ho, perhaps I have crossed paths in my life with different people to you charliesmommy Hmm

naughtymummy · 07/01/2011 16:34

Summer brain, that wasn't the first time you had taken them though was it ? Ds has been going to libaries since has was 1 , I expect him to know how to behave within reason eg; not total silence but hushed voice, no running etc. If these children had never been a libary before then different standards of behaviour would be expected.( not that I think fighting and screaming is ok)

starfishmummy · 07/01/2011 16:46

YANBU
While libraries are no longer silent places I think there is a limit - talking is fine; the odd squeal or shriek, unhappy baby - but running round, screaming and fighting is not. I'm a bit amazed about the drink - do libraries allow food and drink? I haven't found out if they do, because it would not occur to me to partake of food or drink in there. If I or my child needed a drink or food we would leave. (Obviously very young babies are a different) Imagine if the bottle of drink had gone over books or the computers - who would have paid for the damage?

If it had been me, my child would have been taken away and I would have gone back later when he'd calmed down or by myself. The form could have been taken away to be filled in at home and returned later.

Also I think the member of staff should have listened to you a bit more sympathetically. Trouble is in a lot of places most staff wont say anything for fear of being abused.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 16:46

"But seriously, how do you know for a fact, that 100% of the adult population (i.e. everyone) is aware of how to behave in a library? Where are the actual facts and stats to back this up?"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh dear! wipes tear from eye

Calms down.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

PlanetEarth · 07/01/2011 16:55

Starfishmummy, our local library actually sells drinks - they have a drinks machine.

starfishmummy · 07/01/2011 17:01

Planet earth - Shock

BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/01/2011 17:10

For the first time in my DS life I'm glad he has no interest in books. I find my DS is completely wild if he wants to be and doesn't 'get' reasonning or even bribary yet so I just avoid all public places with him. No swimming no parks no libraries no groups no shops. I've developed social phobia Since he was born because I find him so challenging at times and dread the 'looks' so much it makes me sick. Some people are good people who really struggle with life and yes with their childrens behaviour, but they didn't know that would happen before they had them. Trying to ignore them so she could just get the form done and move on may have been the best she could do. I would have felt sorry for her. But that's probably only due to my experience.

Scarlettmuse · 07/01/2011 17:19

I live in an area where hardly anyone uses the local library - it would be great to see some parents taking the time to use it with their kids. Anyone who wants a seriously quiet and ghostly library can all come to mine! The old adage 'Use or lose it' comes to mind and we will lose our library so be grateful yours are full of noisy kids.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 17:20

Erm no, Scarlettmuse Hmm That's like saying "use or lose your swimming baths so be glad people are chucking goats and sheep into the pool" So you're saying "abuse it or lose it" really.

Scarlettmuse · 07/01/2011 17:24

Sorry, old adage should read 'Use it or lose it'!!

Scarlettmuse · 07/01/2011 17:25

We lost our swimming pool. Not for chucking silly things in though. Oh that's right. No one used it.

charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 17:26

If I was to say to my GD when she was 2, "right, now when we go in here, you have to be quiet, and stay with me, and not run around or you will be back in your buggy" she would have understood.

Children older than 2 should certainly understand those simple instructions.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 07/01/2011 17:32

YA definitely NBU. Libraries are for being quiet and calm. Parks and playgrounds are for running round.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/01/2011 17:34

sorry but my ds wouldn't have at 2, maybe now at three and a half he would, but as his respose to anything he doesn't like is to scream as though you've stabbed him with a fork and a Houdini routine whenever restrained it wouldn't make it a better experience for anyone anyway. Looking forward to him understanding bribary so we can leave the house!

melikalikimaka · 07/01/2011 17:44

Haven't bothered to read all the messages about this, I worked in libraries for 17 years so I think I am qualified to say this.

If I was a member of staff, I would have told the mom with the noisy kids to have a word with them because there are other people there trying to read. A bit of discretion is required but I think this mom just didn't care about anyone else. A lot of people use the library as a babysitter and let them run wild. Things have changed in libraries but it is a place of study and reading after all.

Wink
charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 17:47

I agree Melika. It was the job of the mother to control the kids, and as you say, the job of the librarian to have a word with the mother, or even herself say to the children "behave now" as ultimately she is in charge of the place. It shouldnt need anyone else to have to get involved.

PrincessBoo · 07/01/2011 17:50

So how many of you have met this particular Mum then? How many of you have got 4 children and know what it is like to have a bad day?

You none of you know anything about this poor woman yet you have her hung, drawn and quartered already! How do you know that after her experience she wasn't highly embarrassed and gave her children a talking to about how to behave in a library?

So she was rude to the OP, I think judgypants OP deserved it.

I am not saying that the behaviour of these children was ok but I think the OP sounded like she was pretty nasty too.

charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 17:53

(reads Op again)

nope.. still cant see where the Op was nasty

and if the woman was embarassed, she would have given her children a "talking to" when they were messing around..

Swipe left for the next trending thread