Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

still to be hacked off about this?

175 replies

brownbug78 · 06/01/2011 17:15

Our very close mates had their 2nd child, a baby boy, a few months ago, and to our absolute horror, they called him the same name as our son (a couple of years older)!

I just don't know how to act now with them, it is so awkward when we see them, and if I'm honest, I'm still seething about it! In our company, they call him by a shortened nickname version (which he doesn't respond to, incidentally!) just to distinguish between the two children!!

On top of this, 3 weeks before he was born, we asked what their name options were, and they said they didn't know!

AIBU to have thought that SUCH close friends could have just, I don't know, PICKED ANOTHER NAME!!

OP posts:
Fatimalovesbread · 06/01/2011 19:34

Is it Sebastian and they text you saying he was called Seb

LindyHemming · 06/01/2011 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CamelToeAndWine · 06/01/2011 19:35

Actually, sleepingsowell makes a good point - about it being a tribute I mean.

I named my FB after the son of a woman I used to work with years ago. I liked the name anyway, but her son was such a lovely little boy that I liked it even more because of him.

PixieOnaLeaf · 06/01/2011 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Clunge · 06/01/2011 19:37

There's a woman I know, who called her son the same name as my daughter. My daughter is Kacey, she called him Kaycee. She then got pissy when the registry office sent his birth certificate back with "female" on it. Grin

FudgeGirl · 06/01/2011 19:37

LOL sounds like a family I know who fell out over something similar.

Woman gets pregnant, tells family. Niece calls and says "aww, do you have any names" and aunt says yes, it's a girl and we're going to call her Elizabeth.

Niece gasps "you can't! That's the name I'm going to use when I have a girl!" Except niece isn't pregnant, in fact she's not even SEEING anybody.

Niece and her family has cut off all contact for years after that row - how stupid can you get to think the niece owned the name - and wasn't even in a relationship let alone expecting!

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 06/01/2011 19:39

Grin @ "female"

mangoandlime · 06/01/2011 19:44

Our (very good, dh known since yr dot) friends named their ds the same as ours.

Fabulous! We have great taste, they do too. Build a bridge and get over yourself, op!

BuckingxmasFells · 06/01/2011 19:46

Zachary. Betcha. And yes i would be hacked off. As i was when the woman i worked beside nicked my girls name without discussion - she was due 4 months before me. We had chatted names and she never once said she liked it. First name theft - fair enough but not first name and surname.

ragged · 06/01/2011 19:46

Sticking my neck out to comment that Certain names are popular with certain classes types of people. Eg., Luca is very popular on MN and yet I've only met one person in real life who would saddle name their child with this.

So the name you chose, OP, may just be the kind of name that particular appeals to people in your kind of social circle. You are a trend setter in your social group, whether you like it or not.

I think you might need to clear the air with your friends, just to say that you wish they had warned you because you feel a little uncomfortable with both children called the same thing. Just express that discomfort to clear the air, whilst acknowledging that of course the decision was theirs all along, and let it all go otherwise.

ps: if you have called your son Luca, you definitely "fit in" on MN, whether you think so or not right now.

Earthakitten · 06/01/2011 19:49

You're not new to mumsnet, you've been posting since 2008 Hmm

Is it more that you just can't handle being told you are unreasonable, hmmmm?

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 06/01/2011 19:58

actually this did happen to us. My DS's have unusual (in this country) names. And I've always loved the fact that they're the only ones of those names.

Good friends of ours that run the local corner shop had a baby last year - and called him the same name as DS1.

I'll confess I was........for all of 30 seconds a bit pissed off.

But then I figured - hey there are 1001 other names of that cultural origin that they could have chosen - but obviously they liked DS1's name (as it's the sort of name that while not uncommon in that country would never make it onto the Top 100 list iykwim?) and wanted to use it.

It is weird to think there's another "DS1" just round the corner - who will go through the same school as DS1 did - but that's it - just weird (as none of the teachers had ever heard any of my DS's prior to them going there).

BoysAreLikeDogs · 06/01/2011 20:02

oooh good sleuthing, Eartha

Earthakitten · 06/01/2011 20:07

"Everyone on here keeps saying "why shouldn't they", but my question is "why WOULD they"?"

Because they love the chuffing name!!! And they didn't talk to you about it because, frankly, they were going to name their son the name they love because that's the name they love!

Not that difficult is it?

FudgeGirl · 06/01/2011 20:11

My cousin has the male version of my sister's name.

We just thought it was funny, if not a bit sad really.

MrsPennySworth · 06/01/2011 20:22

They were probably trying to "cover it up" a bit because they could maybe guess your reaction from knowing you so well. Maybe you made them feel like they couldn't tell you the truth directly because they were afraid of you!

I honestly never understand this either! I would be so flattered if someone named their child the same as mine, even my extremely unusual ds2 name! It's a compliment and personally I think any name even in the top 100 definitely doesn't warrant "ownership" (iykwim). You should have called him 'Jesus' or something if you felt so strongly about anyone copying it Hmm

Hullygully · 06/01/2011 20:25

I have never ever heard anything like it. I am frankly appalled and let me tell you, I have seen children starving to death on the Dark Continent.

reup · 06/01/2011 20:36

If they had their son first and chosen "your" name. What would you have done?

susiedaisy · 06/01/2011 20:37

But the point is it was a VERY CLOSE friend not a neighbours kid or 2nd cousin twice removed or whatever, its virtually the same as copying yours sister childs name, i still think its weird.

picturerail · 06/01/2011 20:37

Poor OP! I know the pain of being flamed on your first AIBU (& i was being perfectly reasonable don't you know!) but stick with MN because as others have said it's not all like this. I think some of the posters on this topic have made new year's resolutions to be as pendantic or belligerant as possible just to liven up these dark January days so don't take it personally.

Unfortunately I agree that YABU. This is not the sort of thing you should spoil a good friendship over. In loads of discussions with friends & family in the years before I had DS1 i told them i liked a particular name & would name my son it if & when i had one. It was my grandad & my favourite uncle's name & it was literally the only name DH have ever 100% agreed on. Just before I found out I was pregnant with DS1 very close friends of ours called their son this name. They had so obviously nicked our idea! I was miffed for about 5 minutes as they hadn't mentioned it in their "list" but I've never told anyone i was upset other than my DH & DM & only had a little cry about it on the day I found out & that was probably my pregnancy hormones kicking in. I can completely understand you being upset about it but seriously let it go.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 06/01/2011 20:41

picture rail - it's not the first time she's been on AIBU Hmm

LindyHemming · 06/01/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reup · 06/01/2011 20:43

Picturerail did you still call your son that name. I hope you did. I would have. And I have done so.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/01/2011 20:53

Is it Zachary? I was going to call DD Zachary if she was a boy. Would that of pissed you off? Wink
I ended up calling her Elizabeth so I wont be on FudgeGirls nieces Christmas card list either. Grin
Ahh if im going to go down that route my parents should be really pissed off with me, I called my DS Jake, which was the name of their dog that they had before I was born. AHHH when does it stop??

Original poster
brownbug78 · 06/01/2011 20:54

EARTHAKITT: I may have joined Mumsnet a couple of years ago, but the extent of my usage was nothing more than email shots into my inbox until about a month ago. I may have posted occasionally, but literally no more than 10 times since I joined, and mostly in the last month.

But, again, uber praise for the judginess and making me explain myself so people don't think I'm a big fat liar.

As an aside, I would just like to add that part of me knows I'm being over sensitive about this, but if I'm honest, it's been a long time coming. These friends have changed quite a lot since DD was born, and this was probably the straw the broke the camel's back. If this was all that they'd done in the last couple of years, then I probably wolud have dropped it, but it's on top of a lot of other selfish and rather unpleasant stuff from their side.

I guess part of me is looking for a reason to end the friendship in some way, but it's easier said than done...

OP posts: