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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

still to be hacked off about this?

175 replies

brownbug78 · 06/01/2011 17:15

Our very close mates had their 2nd child, a baby boy, a few months ago, and to our absolute horror, they called him the same name as our son (a couple of years older)!

I just don't know how to act now with them, it is so awkward when we see them, and if I'm honest, I'm still seething about it! In our company, they call him by a shortened nickname version (which he doesn't respond to, incidentally!) just to distinguish between the two children!!

On top of this, 3 weeks before he was born, we asked what their name options were, and they said they didn't know!

AIBU to have thought that SUCH close friends could have just, I don't know, PICKED ANOTHER NAME!!

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 06/01/2011 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy · 06/01/2011 17:40

no the OP doesn't own the name, but if they are close friends who are in and out of each lives all the time, and they have chosen the exact same name i find that weird to be honest, i would never dream of doing that to a friend and it shows a lack of imagination there are thousands of names out there to choose from, no i don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all,

methodsandmaterials · 06/01/2011 17:46

I wouldn't mind if a friend chose my son's name for their child.

spidookly · 06/01/2011 17:56

yanbu

just see less and less of them

when someone does something that basically makes clear how little they care about your friendship, feelings and child it is time to cut them loose

celticlassie · 06/01/2011 17:59

I don't think yabu either, I think if you chose it first they should have gone for something else, or at least mentioned it to you. I don't think it's worth ending a friendship over but it is a bit weird.

curlymama · 06/01/2011 18:01

Ds2 has the same name as a good friend of mines Ds1. I did tell her that I liked the name when I was pregnant and she didn't hesitate to tell me that she wouldn't mind at all if I used the name. It's not an unusual name at all, and tbh if she had said that she didn't want me to use the name, I'm not sure it would have stopped me. When you know you have the right name for you child, you know you have the right name, it's that simple.

The children don't see eachother so much now that they are older, but when they were little they saw eachother all the time. It was never a major problem, ocassionaly they would both answer when one of us said the name, but that's hardly a big deal.

A name stays with a person for their whole lives, you have to look beyond the first few years when because of you they may spend alot of time with someone else with the same name. The children may hardly see eachother in ten years time, they are not even the same age!

Original poster
brownbug78 · 06/01/2011 18:03

I should probably clarify a few things.

When she was pregnant with her 1st, a DD, they didn't know what the sex was and we were discussing what girls' and boys' names they were going to have. The name of our son (who was a couple months old at the time) WAS NOT one of the two boys' names they had chosen.

Also, when they sent the text around, they sent us a different text from the ones all our other friends received. Other texts had full name, our text had shortened name. That immediately tells me that they were trying to hide something.

And, basically, my reaction was exactly what someone else has written: "Of all the thousands of names, why THIS one?". BTW, it isn't a family name, someone else has asked them about that (another mutual friend who, quite honestly, was baffled that they'd decided on this name).

They are very close friends (hubby known both of them since secondary school), so not just random acquaintances.

I think, if I'm honest, it's all the deception that bugs me the most. The least they could have done is say to us, "We really like the same name, how would you feel if we used it too?" They didn't, though. They lied about it to our faces when we asked.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 06/01/2011 18:04

YANBU to be annoyed initially- would have thought most people would be but you really should have gotten over it by now. it's not worth losing a good friend over.

My BIL wanted to call his DD (my niece) exactly the same first and middle names as my own DD. I understand the middle name as it's a family name and no one really uses their middle name often anyway but I admit I was a bit Hmm

Luckily my sister changed her DP's mind and they went with a different first name. Would have confused alot of people like our elderly grandparents who both suffer from dementia having 2 greatgrandaughters with exactly the same name, for example.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 06/01/2011 18:04

If this is all you have to worry about your are a very very lucky person.

TwinklePants · 06/01/2011 18:06

Irksome and a bit odd, granted but its done now so you don't really have any option but try and forget about it (if you can) and not let it spoil your friendship.

Anonymousbird · 06/01/2011 18:11

Shit, get real?
Which bit exactly did they lie To your face about? I didn't understand from your rambling nonsense posts?

SkyBluePearl · 06/01/2011 18:12

does it really matter? Take it as a compliment on your good taste and remember you nobody owns the legal rights to any one name. No name is unique really anyway and maybe that was the only name they could agree on.

reup · 06/01/2011 18:13

I'd be really flattered if someone chose the same names as my kids. I love the names so think everyone else should to. A friend and I were pregant for the 2nd time at similar times and we realised we both liked the same name. We then both called our sons it. It's quite funny when the boys are together now. But it has never been acoroblem for either of us.

My mums best friend' oldest daughter has the same names as me. Again no problems. Sadly though it was the last time in my life I've been known as little reup. She was big reup. I fit that bill better now.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2011 18:14

FGS grow up.

I so hope your son is one of 3 Fauntleroys in his class at school.

happygilmore · 06/01/2011 18:15

What;s the name?

iamamug · 06/01/2011 18:17

YABU to be annoyed after a few months! Maybe a little irked at first -is it a very unusual name?? If so maybe I could understand it.
But if it is a fairly usual name I'm afraid you really have no right to be annoyed and I suspect her method of telling you is because she has known you for a long time and correctly gauged your reaction.... Your DS your name.. But it doesn't belong to you so please move on. You're making youself sound quite shallow - sorry!

BlingLoving · 06/01/2011 18:17

Dh and I chose names for our children years before we even started trying. Luckily, none of our friends have chosen similar names, but we wouldn't change our name choice if between deciding and having a baby someone chose the same name.

trixie123 · 06/01/2011 18:18

my friend sadly had a miscarriage of her 2nd DC a few months after my first was born. She told me that she and her DH had named the baby the same as my DS (which could be a boy or a girls name). I didn't mind that they'd done it but I wish they hadn't told me - it made me feel almost guilty every time I mentioned my DS. I think amongst friends it can be easily forgiven but family less so - we would have liked the name Jack but there are 2 already in our family so we went another way!

SkyBluePearl · 06/01/2011 18:20

I don't think they lied to your face by the way - maybe they only decided upon it at last min or maybe not - but you don't have a right to know the name beforehand. They are perfectly entitled to announce the name after the birth like everyone else who has a baby. Maybe they did this so that other peoples opinions didn't interfear with their feelings about names.

You are really making a mountain out of a mole hill.

ShatnersBassoon · 06/01/2011 18:20

They probably didn't ask what you thought because they knew you'd be unreasonable about it. They chose a name they like without your permission. Seems fair enough to me.

I didn't ask my great grandad, grandad, uncle, cousin etc if we could give our baby their name.

elah10 · 06/01/2011 18:22

I have to say I would be flattered not annoyed, they obviously think the name is just as nice as you do !!

coldtits · 06/01/2011 18:24

Ridiculous.

Your son will come across other people with the same name as him throughout his life. He will be both bemused and delighted by this. It doesn't matter. get a grip.

shinyrobot · 06/01/2011 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 06/01/2011 18:25

gwan, tell us the name

Beasknees · 06/01/2011 18:27

Can you not just see it as a compliment that they really like your son and thought 'you know what Sam is a great name, why not go for that' And if they use the shortened version with you why not - i'm not surprised a baby of a few months doesn't respond to their name.

You are DBU