young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

Thanks from me too to Jess and Dittany

As sad as it is I'm not sure there's anything you can do OP

*Dittany" >>What's it like having a penis inside you that you don't want there?

Escorts who are lively young things are usually caught up in the drugs scene better ban the music business/whole celeb thingy then as loads of them keel over from drug abuse.

it is nobody else's business - if she wants to tell them that is up to her and her only

roseabilly and kikoline the argument/question of "would you want your son/daughter to do this" is a non-argument unless you live in Christopher Robin's england. Every parent (I guess) will have occupations that they want their children to enter and ones that they don't. Everyone will have a list of preferences. The sex industry, as with everything else, will sit somewhere on that list. Also everyone has differing levels of how happy they are to accept that thier children will need to make their own choices. What I would most hate for my daughter is her being in a job of any kind that she did not like. I had a (very respectable) job that I hated for a year adn it really made me miserable. If someone is happy working in the sex industry then, IMO, that is far preferable to being miserable doing somethign else, however respectable the something else is.

I'd tell people exactly what she is. She's a whore. I'd tell her that she's putting her gender to shame, she's embarrassing the family and she's got no real self-respect and should have any because she hasn't accomplished anything with her life.

I can't believe I read this - if OP told her relative this then do you really think that it would help? Are you really suggesting that you telling someone with "no real self-respect" (to quote you - I'm not saying that this is true of OPs relative) that they are puttign their gender to shame and embarrassing the family will make them feel better?

Dittany: having a penis in your (hypothetical 'your' of course) vagina is not necessarily a big deal. There's a substantial middle ground between being penetrated by a penis attached to someone you love and desire, and being penetrated by the penis of an attacker (whether that's a stranger or indeed someone you know who has decided he's entitled to rape you), and sex work is in this middle ground for a willing sex worker. For some people, sex is inextricably bound up with romance and superstition, and that is of course their business. For other people, it's just sex, and having it for money is no worse than having it out of boredom or in order to concieve.

SGB I am no prude and pretty liberal. This is not about some moral objection to sex that is just for sex.

For me the idea that money is exchanged for sex that would not otherwise be desired, means that the money acts like a kind of force. I suppose like physical force is used to inflict undesired sex upon women in the case of rape, then economic imbalance means that men can force women into sex with money.

I am fully aware that women enjoy sex for its own sake and indeed seek it out willingly. Sex work may not be the height of female empowerment (no single job is, surely?) but sex work, freely chosen, can feel a lot more powerful than stacking shelves or cleaning toilets, simply because the money is so much better.
Roseability: the ability of the powerful to coerce the poor into doing any number of things which are dangerous or distasteful because they need the money (military service, debt collection, whatever) is a big problem. But it's only ever the sex industry workers who are told that they can't possibly be doing this work from choice, that they are lying or deluded or bad people and that any number of armchair sociologists know more about the reality of their lives than they do.

so you're admitting that women are being coerced into sex-work because the other options open to women are so completely shit that it makes economic sense for them to sell their bodies

Now let me ask you, do you think it's some sort of coincidence that women's employment options are so narrow that sex work is a reasonable "choice" for many?

No, it's not.

And why do you insist on skirting the issue of the men who buy women and their motives?

you're like NaomifuckingWoolf, honestly SGB. Pretending the anti-sex industry feminists are saying sex has to be about love and somesuch made-up shit that has nothing to do with the real argument

Sakura: 'women's' employment options are not invariably a straight choice between shit jobs and sex work. While women do have a harder time getting high-paid jobs than men do, progress is being and has been made in this area. Poor people with limited education have more limited choices WRT jobs and no one is disputing that.
No one is saying that women who absolutely hate the idea should enter the sex industry just for the money: what some of us are arguing about is why those women who have chosen to do (and therefore have genuine experience of what they are talking about) so are treated as dishonest, deluded or evil.

As to the motives of men who pay for sex, well, these are varied, because men, like women, are not one great big homogenous mass who all think the same way. Not all of the men who pay for sex hate women and regard them as commodities, any more than all religious men consider women a lower species.

As an escort working in the Uk and Ireland I think it only fair to add my opinion.

I've been working in this industry for 8 years, I'm 41, have a son of 19 and a daughter of 13. My family, including my children have no idea what I do for a living. I don't work under duress, I chose this way of earning a living - it gives me freedom, it gives me time and the money to do the things I choose to do with my life.

Lets be honest - isn't that what life is about ?

Before anyone jumps in and says how degrading etc etc - its not, its a very powerful feeling. I choose who I see or don't see, when and where I work, and I've met some very nice men along the way. Its not all about sex, its about connecting with someone and bolstering the self-esteem.

Most of my clients are married, they don't want to leave the marriage, they don't want to run the risk of having an affair

I enjoy my job, all the other escorts I know enjoy the job, and meeting new people that have a mutual respect and a fundemental understanding of each other.

I have a professional background in finance, educated to degree level. My previous career left me unhappy and unfulfilled although the salary was not to be sniffed at. It left me with little time or energy to spend time with my growing children.

It is one of the oldest professions in the world and while there is a market of unhappy, neglected men, brushed aside by the wife or girlfriend there will always be women like me providing a safe haven and a bolt-hole.

You are of course entitled to your opinion - but you don't do my job.

You can twist it however you like. The facts are the facts.

You are missing the point.

There wouldn't be a need if everything in a relationship was going well. Cheating on a partner is a symptom of an unhappy relationship not a cause.

I don't judge the men that come to see me for whatever the reason. If they choose to lie to their wives of GFs that is not my concern is it ??

And once again - you don't really like other peoples opinions do you ? Its not all about sex.

I'm willing to be proved wrong. If it's about other things apart from sex, don't have sex with any of your clients for a month and see how much money you make.

I do this darling, most of the time..... I still make plenty of money.

As for the 'cheating tosspots' its the way of the world. Men are always going to hunt for sex, its how they are programmed biologically, but for someone to pay for it is a way of exercising control.

Sigh......

Dittany - read my original post. The girl in question obviously isn't here put her point across.

People on here taking the moral high ground and offering opinions on something they, like yourself have little knowledge about.

Escorts are paid for time and companionship - that is the legal loophole. How we, as consenting adults, choose to spend that time is up to us.

You seem to enjoy provoking people, I actually don't care about your opinion. I was offering an insight into the escort industry.