Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pee'd off DD is not invited to friends wedding

263 replies

Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 21:07

DH and I have been invited to a good friends wedding in feb. We live in Kent and wedding is in Scotland. DH has been asked to be an usher.
The bride and groom are good friends and we were very excited to be going... Until they said no children were invited.
I appreciate this is their wedding and I understand the no children policy if it was down to numbers but our DD is only 9 weeks old so won't cost them a penny or take up a seat. I said I'd sit at the back of the church and leave immediately as soon as she made the smallest noise.
They have refused.... The problem is I'm breast feeding so I can't leave her for the day and night as she would starve and my boobs would burst!
I've tried to give her a bottle so I can go and leave her with family but she just won't take it.
As DH is an usher he still has to go but without me... Also means we have to travel to Scotland so I can sit in a hotel while DH is at wedding.
AIBU to be pretty pissed off and think they are being a bit mean?

OP posts:
HighlandTea · 03/01/2011 22:42

kentmummy where in Scotland is the wedding? I'm a nanny based in Glasgow and would be happy to watch dd for you. If you have a hotel nearby you can pop back to feed her or I can call you if needed and you can still have a good time. Let me know if you are interested, I'm qualified and have plenty of experience, recently updated my save a life-baby course and I have refrences if you'd like too. I've been in my current job for 5 years so my crb isn't up to date but you can see my old one and speak to my bosses if you'd like. If it was really important to you I'd get a new one if you covered the cost. I'm not looking to be paid for helping out, would just be happy to help. Happy mummy = happy baby!

Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 22:46

Oggybags.... I have tried to express and bottle feed with the idea we could leave DD with GP's overnight... TBH i'm not too happy about leaving such a young baby but i would have done... Problem is that DD will not take a bottle. We have tried but she gets so distressed. We will continue to try but part of me wonders why I'm trying to bottle feed her with expressed milk just to go to a wedding! Think I'm just desperate for a good night out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 22:48

Oh bless you highland tea! That's so sweet but wedding is in Aberdeen so quite some way from you. Thank you so much for the offer though... What a lovely lady you are x

OP posts:
SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 22:50

Yes they are being really mean i agree. A 9 week old baby should be the exception to the child free rule. I'd decline both your and DH's invite to be honest - say you are breast feeding so leaving him at home isn't an option and you hubby really wants to be close and support you/baby during these early weeks.

SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 22:51

do let us know what you decide to do

AliBellandthe40jingles · 03/01/2011 22:52

carrots that is a strange scenario you have to admit! My parents paid for my wedding, every last penny, and didn't poke their noses in at all.

Kentmummy - a weekend is a long time to have to express milk for, it isn't like you just need to drive a couple of hours and be back at 1am to do the night feeds!
I'm sure your friends have no real idea about what they are asking - one day when they have their own kids they will cringe at what they have asked of you I am sure.
In your situation my DH wouldn't go.

pigletmania · 03/01/2011 22:54

Kentmummy its not worth stressing your dd to take a bottle when she is not ready to and sacrificing bf for. It is mean of them not to be able to accommodate a newborn baby who needs to be with her mother bf or not. I also think that your dh should support you by refusing to go too. I hsve a childfree wedding coming up but my dd is 3.10 years and will be left with her godparents.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 03/01/2011 22:54

YANBU - They cannot expect you to leave a (bf) 9 week old especially when you'll be so far from home. I think your DH needs to say "sorry but I cannot attend unless baby can come too". That will focus their minds. Either they allow a tiny bf baby to attend or they lose their usher through their unreasonableness.

charliesmommy · 03/01/2011 22:55

An usher isnt quite the same as being asked to be the best man.

How long ago was this wedding planned? Has it only just been arranged?

LittleMissHissyFit · 03/01/2011 22:57

I'd actually be furious if DH went knowing that his DW and baby were not welcome. a BF 9wo baby is not a separate entity to her mum at that stage.

I think yr H needs to make a point. If they want him as a close friend, as an usher then they have to accommodate his DW and his DD.

Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 22:57

Skybluepearl.... I'm fairly sure we will both travel to Scotland. DH will go and we have some friends nearby who will be very happy to see me and DD. I'm happy for DH to go and see all his old friends for a catch up and drink and hope one day they do realise how difficult it is with a small BF baby!

OP posts:
mjinsparklystockings · 03/01/2011 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pigletmania · 03/01/2011 22:59

Well fair enough its up to the bride and groom not to have children at their wedding, but they have to be prepared for people not being able to come due to reasons stated above or problems with childcare.

lucy101 · 03/01/2011 23:01

I had a (broadly) child-free wedding... but all those people who had tiny babies or were breastfeeding (and a couple of other circumstances) I made sure I spoke to personally and of course allowed them to bring them or (if they preferred) helped to find care for them at the wedding. This was before I had children too - it is only common sense that you can't leave a 9 week old baby and travel all that way.

I don't think either of you should go...

mjinsparklystockings · 03/01/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 23:03

Mj... They definately do mean BF babies as I've explained the situation and that I won't be able to come and they didn't offer to bend the rules :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 23:05

Mj... I'm with you totally. I get child free weddings and respect it's their decision... Just think in the circumstances they would be a bit flexible. I was wrong!

OP posts:
A1980 · 03/01/2011 23:05

YABU

It's their day and if they don't want it spoiled by screaming babies and unruly children, so be it, it's their decision. It's a day about them making a commitment to each other the way they want to and not about your breast feeding issues.

It's a shame but on this occasion I think both of you should decline the invite.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 03/01/2011 23:08

Kentmummy I am in Aberdeen so if you would like some company that day or if I can help in any way feel free to give me a shout.
Grin

charliesmommy · 03/01/2011 23:10

If you have friends nearby, why not express milk or ask them to babysit for you. I am assuming here that baby is 9 weeks now, and will be 14/15 weeks by the time of the wedding.

Blu · 03/01/2011 23:12

Just for information: if it is in a church, they can't actually bar anyone from a church. If you have a church wedding the church will admit anyone - local parishioners, people with babies, loud toddlers, farting grandads, anyone! Think of the outfits that could ruin the all important video!

Unlike the place for the reception it isn't a venue that you hire.
I'm not suggesting that entering the church with a baby for a child-free wedding is something that anyone would choose to do, but it may be as well for Bride and Groomzillas to remember that God runs no guest list Wink

weedle · 03/01/2011 23:12

I think YABU, no kids means no kids. Or where do they draw the line?

My 9 week old is BF? Ok come

My 3 year old has no-one to look after him? Ok come

My 9 wek old baby's 3 siblings will wonder why they couldnt go? Ok come

Well if X, Y, Z are going why arent our 4? Ok come

My 9 year old won't sleep if I'm not there?
Ok come

My 6 year old looks so cute in a kilt... etc

Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 23:13

Charliesmommy... I would if she would take a bottle but she absolutely won't. We have tried but she gets very distressed. We will continue to try but If she carries on refusing then there is no way I can leave her all day/night. My boobs would explode and she would starve!

OP posts:
Normy · 03/01/2011 23:16

Tell you what.or is it IMO? I'm new to this. Me and DH reckon 90% of the weddings we have been to were pretty rubbish. Lots of smalltalk, standing around and awkward dancing. Send him up there, take the money you would have spent on a dress, buy some nice pyjamas and chocolate and the box set of Peep Show. Sorted.Grin

Original poster
Kentmummy · 03/01/2011 23:17

Weedle.... I totally see your point. I'm just disappointed and a bit upset that I'm missing their wedding. I thought in the circumstances of being good friends and DH is an usher and us travelling so far and baby being so young and bf'ing they might reconsider. It's their day, I understand that... I just think it's a bit mean spirited of them.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread