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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private Education and State Education

126 replies

ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 11:36

I wanted to keep it seperate from my other post in here, since people kept wanting to derail the original post with it.

Why are people so up in arms over this? I mentioned that my DD was privately educated and it seemed that that was the only thing people could see in the post and their minds had already clouded with prejudice.

The education level in this country is, if you're able to ignore the Daily Mails Doomsaying, world class, regardless of if it's independant or state.

I was given a state education, and send my daughter to a private school. I think both are really good, and you shoulndt get hung up on jealousy / superiority issues and just be thankful that we don't have the American or similar system.

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 03/01/2011 11:40

I never red your other post...do you have a link?

I believe that there are bad schools and good ones state and private. The important thing is finding one which fits your child...my DD is in a private one because it fits..it suits her. If it were the local state then she would have gone there.

Merrylegs · 03/01/2011 11:41

I think it was the 'top of the class thing' that rankled. Versus if she was a dunce perhaps her opinion wouldn't have mattered so much.

Oh and the 'don't you know I pay your wages' attitude.

Probably.

HTH
Wink

backwardpossom · 03/01/2011 11:43

I don't think it was the 'my daughter goes to private school' that pissed anyone off, it was the 'I pay the teacher's wages' that did. On that logic, I pay DS's teacher's wages, my DH pays my wages, we pay our friends' DC's teachers' wages etc...

cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 11:45

I think it may be the way you mentioned it. Some people have no choice but to send their kids to the school you describe in the other thread as not fit for animals.

Also, it is probably irrelevant to the core of the argument- you make the point that you pay the teacher's salary through fees, but every child has the right to a high standard of education and the same expectations should be made of teachers regardless of who pays their salaries.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 11:46

Well, I guess that was rather short sighted of me, If she was in state education I probably would have complained I pay their wages via tax anyway, duely noted, friends :p

OP posts:
cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 11:48

On the paying of salaries logic, you all pay my DH's salary as he is in the public sector. Ta muchly for my Christmas presents, house, car...

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 03/01/2011 11:49

Ah, but we all pay our teachers wages indirectly through taxes. Xmas Wink

I hear what you're saying but you did come across as a bit of a twunt.

HTH

Quattrocento · 03/01/2011 11:53

Agree you sounded a bit twuntish. And arrogant. And pfbish.

First thing you need to learn about MN is that your own children are never highly intelligent (even if you have empirical evidence that they are - which at 4, your evidence base may be a bit dubious). The most public praise you are allowed to lavish on them is that they are brightish. If you have a musical prodigy, you are allowed to say he/she a bit musical. If you have a-soon-to-be-olympic athlete, you are allowed to say he/she is a bit sporty.

AMumInScotland · 03/01/2011 11:57

It's the way you "mentioned" the type of schooling that was the problem - it sounded like "This issue is more important because it is at an expensive and highly regarded school" and, by implication, if the same thing had happened at a state school you would think it was less important, more "typical of crap state schools". It's the concept of "I pay for this so have a right to standards which the rest of you can only dream of" which rankles.

HTH

hocuspontas · 03/01/2011 11:59

But you also have to add joshingly that you don't know where he/she gets it from...

Quattrocento · 03/01/2011 12:00

Oh yes. That too ...

Quattrocento · 03/01/2011 12:01

Oh

Could it be that this child - by far and away cleverer than all her 4YO classmates - takes after her oh-so-intelligent atheist parents?

Violethill · 03/01/2011 12:07

Didnt read your other thread, but I think if people seem 'up in arms' then its probably because the state/private issue can frequently seem to be made more relevant than it really is, IYSWIM

For the vast majority of people in the UK in the 21st century, it's not a relevant issue. The vast majority of children are state educated. So I don't think its a case of prejudice, so much as not seeing the relevance

PollyMorfic · 03/01/2011 12:07

People picked up on the private school thing and the 'top of the class' thing because it was completely irrelevant to the question you were asking, which was about the teacher promoting religion.

So it looked as if you put it in there just for a sneaky boast.

Quattrocento · 03/01/2011 12:12

I have to say that my mind clouded with prejudice as soon as I read the OP on the other thread. I plead guilty to that.

It wasn't anything to do with independent education though. Both mine go to private schools

Violethill · 03/01/2011 12:13

Oh that thread.... yep, sounds like you're not getting your money's worth there ScienceDad!

cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 12:14

You mention the fact that the school is independent etc. then seem to try and distance yourself from the 'types of parents' who send their children there- mentioning they all drive 4x4s, the type of chat at the school gate? This seems as if deep down you're ashamed of sending your daughter there which seems strange. IME it would be better to be proud of your decision- I was privately educated and still have to defend my parents' decision to those who have a stance against private education. It certainly wouldn't help if I used the justifications for it you use, especially when getting grief for it when at uni or my first postgraduate role.

I am also very curious about an area which has only one state primary, fit only for animals according to your post, but at least two private schools (DDs and the faith one around the corner). What is it that makes the state school so horrific. I genuinely want to know, as don't have school age children myself yet and this kind of thing worries me.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 12:21

If you saw the area we lived in when DD started school, you'd have understood what was wrong with the state school. If anything I'm pro state education, I think this country has, for the resources put in, some of the finest education in the world, and I'd be proud to send my daughter to 95 percent of state schools.

And as for the other parents at the private school, I was playing off somethign someone else had said, theyre all a lovely bunch, just as I'd imagine fellow parents at a state school would be a lovely bunch too.

Everyone looks knackered bringing their kids to school at 8am whether its private or state :p

And the 4x4 comment, well, I'm sure I'd get one myself if I could.

OP posts:
theevildead2 · 03/01/2011 12:24

It was because it wasn't relevant! SO to mention it seemed a bit pretentious

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 12:26

I'm not sure what you're referring to, evildead.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 03/01/2011 12:27

Nowt wrong with private ed, I was privately educated myself and have since taught at both ends of the spectrum in the State sector. The only thing wrong with it is that people tend to instinctively believe that something is better because it costs, when there are crappy private schools too.

For what it is worth, I think the issue from your original thread is a bit of a storm in a teacup...the teacher coulkd have meant that yes, people only believe in the 'fairy' because others tell them of it but then your DD only disbelieves because your DW tells her to...if you see what I mean. I wouldn't worry. I think people do get spiky over private ed, and I can understand it as it can be seen as buying privilege thereby implying you are doing better for your kids than they are for their's, which obviously isn't true as it is horses for courses. I think it was the gratuitous nature of the info that rankled some. I sensed a high level of sarcasm though, so I did get what you meant/intended!

Typing one handed due to sleeping baby so apols for any typos and not being quite as verbose as I woukd have liked!

cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 12:28

Thanks for the response. I really do sympathise. Both DH and I were sent to private schools, him fir very similar reasons to your DD and me because Dad was in the Forces. We are expecting DC1 and live in SW London where there are some good state primaries but when it comes to secondary education we may also feel we have no choice but to go down the private school route. DH is a Civil Service and I work in the charity sector- careers which reflect out politics, so like you we will be going against our ideals if we go private. Luckily we have a few years before we have to worry too much..!

Merrylegs · 03/01/2011 12:29

Um. I think evildead is referring to your OP possibly?

Wild guess.

Vallhala · 03/01/2011 12:29

Bloody good for you that you placed your daughter in a private school and haven't sacrificed her on the altar of loony liberal principal. If the state options are crap, they're crap and putting a child into one such when there are alternatives is madness imho.

There but for the unkindness of a god which doesn't exist would go my daughters too.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 12:29

Ah the old Hold 'n Type.
Its like some kind of Stealth game you can play with your baby. Good memories :)

OP posts: