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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private Education and State Education

126 replies

ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 11:36

I wanted to keep it seperate from my other post in here, since people kept wanting to derail the original post with it.

Why are people so up in arms over this? I mentioned that my DD was privately educated and it seemed that that was the only thing people could see in the post and their minds had already clouded with prejudice.

The education level in this country is, if you're able to ignore the Daily Mails Doomsaying, world class, regardless of if it's independant or state.

I was given a state education, and send my daughter to a private school. I think both are really good, and you shoulndt get hung up on jealousy / superiority issues and just be thankful that we don't have the American or similar system.

OP posts:
cocoachannel · 03/01/2011 12:31

Blimey- must be very unMN and point out that the spelling/grammar mistakes above don't reflect my education, but a combination of iPhone predictive text and pregnancy fatigue! Wink

btbetty · 03/01/2011 12:34

ScienceDad- we send our DC10 to a private school and outwith our immediate family and other parents with children in the school the reaction we get from people is on the whole negative....

My DH and I both went to local state schools and are fortunate enough to have done very well and have ecent jobs.

It costs us around £1200 per month to send DC to school but in our eyes it is worth every penny.

What has absolutely astounded us though is the negative repsonse from people when they find out ( we do not volunteer the information but sometimes it does come up).

We have made sacrifices over the years to be able to afford the fees and do not in any way look down on people who choose state schools - we actually didn't feel we had a choice as the local state school in the area we lived in when DC was starting school had a very high level of childrens who did not speak english as a first language (not that that is a massive issue but the standard of english spoken was very poor and I worried about DC's education suffering due to resource being taken up) and a high level of children from drug dependant families, luckily we have been able to afford to move to a better area now but the thought of sending my child to that environment made me feel physically sick

Tolalola · 03/01/2011 12:41

Nothing wrong with either private or state edcation, I was privately educated at a stupidly uptight boarding school. However...

I think people may have been a bit irritated by the fact that you didn't just "mention" the (irrelevant) fact that it was a private school, you brought it up several times in your OP, and seemed to think it was Very Important.

Your mention of your intelligence and your (4YO!) daughter's shining brilliance were pretty smug.

And the "I pay her salary" thing also had overtones of a sniffy "Don't you know who I am?"

HTH

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 12:58

Tolalola, let me direct you to my post above where I admitted it was probably short sighted to do so and it did come across as sniffyness, when it really wasnt.

btBetty, we were in much the same posistion with a lack of choice due to the area we were in, we actually drove a distance to the private school in order to get there every day.
I too am lucky to the extreme to be able to scrape the payments, and consider it worth it, but knowing that I'm lucky means that it would be ridiculous to look down my nose at people who can't. Might as well brag at being able to predict the outcome of a coin toss.

OP posts:
Violethill · 03/01/2011 13:01

I think many people would consider you unlucky actually, that you live in such a bad area that you feel you have no choice.

I think what's perhaps 'luckier' is when you can afford private schooling if you want to, but don't feel the need to.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 13:03

Thats what I meant, I'm lucky to be able to afford it, I was very unlucky where I used to live, believe me :p

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 03/01/2011 13:04

If there is one thing MN is quick to jump on it is perceived smugness. When in honesty, if you pay for something directly you do expect to have more of a say in it...it's natural, but I am prepared to be flamed for that. I think you came across more as tongue in cheek than horribly smug anyway.

Lamorna · 03/01/2011 13:13

You surely just choose the school that is suited to your child?
Most people don't have the full choice because they haven't the money. Some of those with the money will find that the state school in their area is better. I don't see why there should be a divide, unless it is jealousy. I went to a state school and was happy and it opened the doors that I wanted to open. My DCs have good state schools-I don't envy others. There are good and bad schools in both sectors.

LetThereBeRock · 03/01/2011 13:14

I'm not anti private school. I don't have children yet,but intend to send them to a private school when I do,however your post did annoy me even so.

The mention of your dd going to a top,expensive, private school was unnecessary detail. There was no need to mention it,and I'm not surprised that it got people's backs up.

I also wouldn't care to hear about how poverty stricken a poster is,and that they have to split a single baked bean between 5 children,if it's not germane to the topic.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 13:16

Then why the fueding?
Parents who send their kids to state school seem to feel like the private parents think theyre better parents because of it and vice versa.

But when it comes down to it, surely the proof of good parenthood comes down to you taking such an active interest in your child that you'd be a member of Mumsnet to begin with.

I bet the number of chavvy parents who take interest in this site hovers around 0.

OP posts:
KindleTheSky · 03/01/2011 13:19

[vomits] hides thread

Violethill · 03/01/2011 13:22

Youre the one who started the thread!!

I haven't started a thread about education in my life. Nor do most people who are happy with their choices.

You may find that people defend their position if others display prejudice. But that's hardly the same as feuding.

usualsuspect · 03/01/2011 13:23

[chav]

Lamorna · 03/01/2011 13:26

I am happy with my choices so I wouldn't ask others what they thought, or feel the need to justify myself, or get upset, or criticise others.

Cleofartra · 03/01/2011 13:30

ScienceDad, I have friends who've sent their children to private schools and I'm happy for them that they're able to do this.

However, on a general note the whole thing makes me feel sad and angry, as I think the unequal opportunities that arise out of a tripartite school system (private/comprehensive/grammar) disadvantage the MAJORITY of children when it comes to life chances.

The bottom line is it's wrong that some children will be given an unfair advantage over others(especially mine)!

The whole system stinks. It's not OK just because your child is one of the winners, and you shouldn't expect those of us whose children are disadvantaged by the system to be delighted or even neutral about it.

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 13:30

The problem is not the private education

It is the fact that you came across as a smug, crass, know it all who likes to boast

sue52 · 03/01/2011 13:35

You didn't just mention it, you screamed it loud and clear and came across as an arrogant git. I really don't think anyone on here is jealous of you.

Cleofartra · 03/01/2011 13:43

I'm jealous.

My kids are lovely and bright. They'd thrive much better if they were educated in smaller classes, instead of in groups of 30. They're also very musical and I feel gutted that they're going to have so little access to good music tuition at school.

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

OP - please stop expecting people to be enthusiastic about the fact that your child is being given an unfair advantage in life.

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 13:43

Agree sue!

But I can bet he just can't see it

It is funny really and the more he speaks, the more I laugh. He also told me to go read a lot of books when I stated my spiritual beliefs, amongst other things

Lots of words come to mind at this crass display of intelligence ( and images, Harry Enfield's 'I'm so much better than you' character springs to mind). I mean really, what sort of person tells someone they don't know to go read lot of books and that I might learn more about life! That is soooooo intelligent isn't it! Says a lot about a person...

Quattrocento · 03/01/2011 13:44

Okay. Have it your way. Notwithstanding the fact that I have sent my two children to independent schools, I am in fact horrifically jealous of the choices you've made. You're right. It was nothing to do with your general twattishness at all.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 13:45

Are you kidding Quattro? I apologised for it above.

OP posts:
btbetty · 03/01/2011 13:47

Violethill -you are absolutely right, we were very unlucky in the area we lived, it actually started off as a nice area but went downhill fast and school catchment area changes din't help us. We moved as quickly as we could sell our house and are thankful to this day that we didn't leave it 6 months later or we might have been stuck there (houses stopped selling at that point!)

RailwayChild · 03/01/2011 13:47

My DP went to public doncha know
My BiL and best friend also went to public
My DSis DC go to private
My DC go to state, as did I

(They do however go to a very good selective state because of their immense intelligence.......don't know where they get it from.......) Wink

The school is not the issue for me.
It's your attitude.

You link various situations which really have feck all relevance, but it shows that you think they are relevant.

The fact that you have never got over your upbringing and are dragging your anger at the religious upbringing into an argument about faith shows you need to exert dominance over the whole situation including your 4 yr old DD and a teacher. It's completely disproportionate and represents issues in your head tbh

wigglesrock · 03/01/2011 13:53

"I bet the number of chavvy parents who take an interest in this site hovers around 0"

See now you've annoyed me Grin Do please share your definition of chavvy.

Violethill · 03/01/2011 13:54

Cleofartra - it's sad and unfair if your children are genuinely disadvantaged. But remember, the home is far more influential than school. And a good, inspirational teacher for a class of 30 is far better than a dull one for a class of 12. There are just too many variables to simply say you'know' your children would be better off in a different environment.

It's very difficult for you that you genuinely feel that way though. Is there any chance of moving to a better state school catchment (best of both worlds then, as will work out a better investment to have a home in a good area, than a home in a bad one and having to pay school fees)

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