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AIBU?

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Original poster

on how to deal with dh,

184 replies

furiouswife · 03/01/2011 10:29

My H went out last night with a friend, and ended up being stuck in a car for 3 hours, as H fell asleep in the car, and instead of his mate bringing him home, his mate continued to party and left dh stuck in a car park, locked in a car Angry.

firstly my H doesn't drink, its his first drink in over 5 years, so this is completely out of character, and just not him at all.

Im furious because I "think" his mate was drink driving, and dh even tho intoxicated got into a car with a wasted person, and ended up being stranded in a car in a car park in the middle of nowhere. Im furious as he was only going to our local for the last bell.

We finally got him out the car at 5.30 this morning, after other wife eventually got through to her H, who said my H was fine, he wasn't, H was crying, frightened and confused as by this point he was stuck in the car for 4 hours, and he couldn't break any of the windows, or get out etc...

I cant believe him and his mate potentially endangered others lives.

Mates wife has phoned the police, (alot of reasons, but think this incident in the last straw for their relationship) however Im not sure how to deal with my wankard off a husband.

Im furious and cant think straight!

OP posts:
SharkSlayer · 03/01/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

classydiva · 03/01/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

taintedsnow · 03/01/2011 13:02

You made me sleep on the sofa, of course you are punishing him. Bloody hell, are you completely blind to how you're reacting here? Has the severity of the replies you've gotten not hit you at all?! Telling him you are upset with him is one thing, treating him like you are is another. Take the time to read back over this thread and maybe you'll get it.

taintedsnow · 03/01/2011 13:03

me him Blush

Gemsy83 · 03/01/2011 13:05

Anyone else finding it absolutely fucking hilarious that a grown man cried because he got stuck in a car?

I absolutley howled with laughter at that, imagining my DH crying due to sleeping in a car overnight wouldnt happen ffs he isnt 5 years old what cack.

However Classydiva whats with calling the OP asshole? Just because you dont believe a story/agree whatever is there any need for being personal and insulting? Think its not just the OP's fella who needs to grow up here!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 03/01/2011 13:06

op This is what you'll turn into if you're not careful

Original poster
furiouswife · 03/01/2011 13:06

I never spoke to dh until this late am this morning, hence me telling it, when he told me.

Early this morning, he didn't know where he was, late this morning he vaguely remembers what happened.

No change of stories Im afraid.

Last night I was furious at him, hence me not wanting him to sleep in our bed, and also the children we're in beside me, I dont want to sleep with a drunk, especially one who has had me up worry for the whole night.

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 03/01/2011 13:06

I want a timeline on this. None of it makes any sense. First of all he was asleep until you woke him, then he was crying all night.

Thistledew · 03/01/2011 13:08

If your DH doesn't know that
a) he has behaved inappropriately and irresponsible
And
b) that your view his behaviour in this way

then yes, you need to tell him. However, it seems that he does know and regrets what happened and is unlikely to repeat it.

So what is the point in you laying into him over it? Pointscoring so he is in your debt for a while? Do you think he will do it again unless you get 'control' over him now?

Either attitude is pretty unhealthy for your relationship.

Original poster
furiouswife · 03/01/2011 13:10

and yes it could have ended up being worse, hence why I am angry at him!

Their is no difference in him potentially being mugged, stabbed etc... then him potentially killing himself due to being in a car with a drunk at the wheel.

He put himself in dangerous situation, no matter how you look at it, yes of course it could have been worse, he could have been in a car that could have killed others! or himself.

I would rather he walked home, than do what he did.

OP posts:
SarahStrattonsBaubles · 03/01/2011 13:10

And how could you have been up all night worrying? Why didn't you just ring his phone in the first place.

Jolly poor show really.

mayorquimby · 03/01/2011 13:12

"I don´t see why he should pay anything tbh.

His mate was a twat for not bringing him home, not waking him to go into the pub, locking the car, not answering his phone."

Hold on since when did a grown man become his mates responsibility. He had too much to drink and if he wanted to go home he should have ordered himself a taxi, by the sounds of it he opted to sleep it off in the car or was so drunk that his friend made the decision to put him to sleep in the back of the car.
He woke up safe in a car. He had a phone on him and was in a coherent enough state to engage in conversation with his wife.
There are an infinite number of ways he could have firstly avoided being in the car and secondly having found himself in the car there were numerous options available to him to escape his four wheeled prison before deciding to try and kick his way out.

IAmReallyFabNow · 03/01/2011 13:13

How could your drunk husband falling asleep killed someone?

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 03/01/2011 13:20

This thread is fucking hilarious Xmas Grin

Anyone else reckon it will end up in classics?

I have another quibble - he was either stuck in a car in a carpark in the middle of town, or in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees? Which one please?

taintedsnow · 03/01/2011 13:20

Now you're emphasising how naughty your DH was, could you be doing this any more by stealth? Stop trying to justify your bullying and parenting of DH, accept he was silly and move on. He was daft, he knows that, he hasn't warranted your reaction, he really has not.

mutznutz · 03/01/2011 13:21

If his 'friend' and been any sort of friend at all he would have seen him into a taxi and made sure he was ok...then got back to partying.

Instead, he chose to lock him in a car for 4hrs and not answer his phone. I'd say the bill for damage lies totally with the twattish car owner.

taintedsnow · 03/01/2011 13:21

I don't think the OP realises she's making herself the butt of jokes though Sarah, she's very serious and mature, don't you know?

Xmas Grin
BoneyBackJefferson · 03/01/2011 13:23

TheHeathenOfSuburbia Mon 03-Jan-11 12:53:42
BoneyBackJefferson, I don't know about you, but sometimes I find I am not at my most logical when pissed.
I can imagine the drunken thought process of 'Aaagh, locked in car! Must get out! Will kick door open in Bruce Willis style... Oh bugger.'

So if furious wife woke him up by phoning him why didn't she try and calm him down?
She must have heard this going on in the bacground.

diddl · 03/01/2011 13:29

"Hold on since when did a grown man become his mates responsibility."

No, he´s not his mate´s responsibility.

But he locked OP´s husband in the car & wasn´t contactable.

OP´s husband tried to get out.

Why is he responsible for the damage he caused by trying to get out?

LunarRose · 03/01/2011 13:31

How do you do that much damage by kicking the car from the inside? Hmm

Can't hep thinking you suspect there's more to the incident than DH is letting on, hence his immediate somewhat over the top remorse.

Or your reaction is greater than ours because of your past experience. Something you expect dh to respect...

Other than that, I wonder that your reaction isn't a bit much....

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles · 03/01/2011 13:32

He is a grown man, he made a mistake, which he is paying for, you have had your say, now let it go. My ex H used to love dishing out bollockings and in the end I hated him for it, you are NOT in charge of him, it is up to him how sorry he wants to be about this. Be a FRIEND to your dh for crying out load instead of a Boss/Parent hybrid because I am telling you he will grow to really resent the woman he has chosen to share his life with thinking she has to "deal" with him every time he puts a foot wrong. As Miranda Hobbs said in Sex and The City when talking about her boyfriend "I've turned into Mean Mommy and no-one wants to f*ck Mean Mommy!".

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 03/01/2011 13:34

Very sensible and mature. Scarily so.

Anyone else have a vision of a small, delicately built family hero wailing and sobbing whilst hurling themselves round an old rover like a wild monkey on speed?

Myleetlepony · 03/01/2011 13:36

I'm a bit confused about why the man locked in the car tried to ring his mate, rang his wife, but didn't just ring the local police station. They wouldn't have been very pleased, but also they wouldn't want anyone to die of hypothermia locked in a car all night. Op's DH wasn't committing any crime. Obviously is friend shouldn't have driven while drunk, but that is his responsibility, not his passenger's, and let's face it, his passenger had drunk more than he normally would and probably wasn't thinking straight.
I'm not sure if his mate's car is legally on the road though, because if the locks on his car somehow can't be opened from inside, then surely it won't pass an MOT?

As for Op, your DH is an adult, not a child, so you don't need to do anything to your husband. He's an adult, he's had a bad time, he can work it all out for himself.

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles · 03/01/2011 13:36

PMSL SSB Grin

taintedsnow · 03/01/2011 13:36

Haha, you have a very evil creative mind Sarah! I like it!