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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

French teacher telling DD that she only doesn't believe in God because her Mother told her.

188 replies

ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:06

Hello Mumsnetters, long time reader first time poster!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that this teacher was way beyond the line in saying this? Here is some background, sorry in advance for the length, but I think it's quite interesting.

A while back, DD's cousin, who is 9, told her that she had to be good, or God, who watches them from the clouds, would punish her and send her to hell where she'd be hurt forever.

As you can imagine, this was very upsetting for a 4 year old girl, and when she asked us if there was a God in the clouds watching her, her mother and I, who are both intelligent athiests, told her not to worry about it, some people believe that there is but we don't, and worrying about it (as even religious folk should understand) is completely absurd for a 4 year old.

So fastforward a few weeks, and DD comes home from School (A very expensive, highly regarded private school, of which she is by far the top student in her class, as we were informed by her teacher at parents evening) Came home very upset after an after school French Lesson. While talking about Christmas DD was told that Christmas was about loving God, which, as you know how tactful a 4 year old can be, resulted in DD saying God wasn't real. Her French teacher in turn told her God was real, and she only doesn't believe in God because her Mother (My DW) said so.

I was fuming, to be honest, not only because it's the complete opposite of reality (not to make this a religeon debate, but surely the French teacher only took that stance because SHE had been told it as a child) but surely any mature adult would not correct a child on such a matter with no tact at all, especially when she is supposedly teaching in an expensive, non faith based school.

Sorry again for length, but AIBU?

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 03/01/2011 10:10

Well, I agree with you, teacher should be non-committal in these circumstances. But I'm not sure that expensive schools have any better take on this than any other school

Bucharest · 03/01/2011 10:10

Is the French teacher actually French? (not that it matters, and YANBU at all to be absolutely fuming about this) but am just wondering if it's more of a cultural thing than a school thing and maybe the teacher is so steeped culturally in her own (presumably) Catholicism, that it would be totally alien to her to think a child might not believe in God?

I'd still be having a word....

(FWIW I'm a sitty-on-fence kind of person, but live in Italy with hugely Catholic dp and dd and have had to get used to teachers just treating God etc as fact and when dd reports it all back to me I just nod and smile vacantly and let them get on with it...but that's because it's not that important to me one way or the other...It's all part of the curriculum there though anyway, which AFAIK it most definitely isn't in the UK)

Chil1234 · 03/01/2011 10:12

YANBU... Talk to the school straight away. Teachers should understand that the children come from backgrounds of all faiths and none and should not be either pushing their own beliefs or belittling others'

fatlazymummy · 03/01/2011 10:12

You're not being unreasonable at all. Personally I would contact the teacher in question and tell her to not attempt to brainwash your daughter again. As far as I am concerned 'God' should never be mentioned in a non faith school, apart from when the specific lesson requires it, eg RE or when teaching certain parts of history. Even then religion should never be given a personal context.

boogeek · 03/01/2011 10:13

I wouldn't be too happy about it either, though I'd just stick to the "different people believe different things" line. Though my kids only go to an inexpensive state school so I am not sure my opinion is relevant Hmm

rainbowinthesky · 03/01/2011 10:14

I would be annoyed at this too but mine go to state schools which cost me nothing so my comments are irrelevant to your expensive school. Hmm

rainbowinthesky · 03/01/2011 10:14

snap, boogeek!

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/01/2011 10:15

ScienceDad - you do realise you have lit a touch paper here on several fronts ......

boogeek · 03/01/2011 10:15
Grin
Vallhala · 03/01/2011 10:16

YANBU and I would be pulling the woman up on it. To me it is completely unacceptable to have religion foisted upon children in school at all (albeit that's an argument for another thread) and certainly it shouldn't be happening in a secular school.

On another note, I'm waiting to see how long it takes for someone to comment... Wink

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:16

Sorry, I didn't mean it in a way which inplied that since it was a private school it should be better, just that as a further annoyance that I'm directly paying for this persons employment through school fees.

And by French teacher, sorry I wasn't clear on two points.

She TEACHES French, I'm unsure of her nationality.

And Secondly, it's an after school lesson that we pay extra for on top of School Fees.

My main worry is that I really want her to learn a second language at a young age, and don't want to close off options by causing friction. GRRRR.

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Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:17

Implied, sorry. I sure wish I'd leaned a single language at school, seemingly :p

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AMumInScotland · 03/01/2011 10:17

YANBU - teachers should not be telling children that they should or should not believe in God. And they should also not directly contradict what a parent has told their child unless it is clearly untrue (and even then I think they should put it gently with a 4yo). I would go in and complain to the school about it. as you say, the French teacher probably believes in god because her mother told her it was true - why should your daughter be more influenced by smeone elses's mother than by her own?

Vallhala · 03/01/2011 10:18

As I thought! It's taking me ages to type (missing an E key) and so already the anti independent school people are expressing their displeasure!

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/01/2011 10:20

I'd shrug it off - TBH. Just keep following the line you have. I am an atheist but I do make it clear to my DSs that other people believe different things, whilst also making it clear what I believe and why. In the end , I expect my influence to be greater. Actually, it used to worry me a bit when my (younger DSs used to just parrot what I had said. I want them to think for themselves....

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:21

This thread is nothing to do with Independancy of Schools. I was State educated and I (with a bit of Luck) turned out fine. It just so happenes that our only choice of State school was a horrible mess of a place only fit for animals. We work very very hard to pay the fees, and realise how lucky we are, and don't look down on anyone who can't afford it in the slightest.

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spidookly · 03/01/2011 10:22

YANBU

When I was around 5 a friend from a very religious family told me all about hell and scared me witless.

I didn't tell my parents what had happened but insisted they bring me to Mass every Sunday. This went on until I was 11 or 12 and they said I was old enough to go by myself (so they could get out if going :o). They were lapsed, non-believing (in my Dad's case anyway) Catholics.

These things can be very frightening and confusing to children. I would not expect a teacher to say something as silly as "god is real", even in a religious school.

Niecie · 03/01/2011 10:23

YANBU. Even as a church goer I don't think what the teacher does or doesn't believe about God is relevant to the teaching of French.

But send her to a state school - my DSs learnt french for nothing from yr R and they have never been told to believe in God either!Wink

hocuspontas · 03/01/2011 10:23

If you only have your dd's version of events then I would hold off getting annoyed until you hear confirmation that this is how the conversation actually went. If, however, this is a confirmed account then YANBU.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:23

I could have throttled her 9 year old Cousin for what she said :p

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Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:25

HocusPontas that is another point, though my daughter is smart, she's still only 4. Though her account of things was simple enough for me to consider it accurate, in a "Her word vs. ours" situation, it wouldn't take much to refute.

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JamieLeeCurtis · 03/01/2011 10:25

It is a bit shocking when children come out with crap like that. She'll grow out of that kind of literalness, I expect (I hope)

JamieLeeCurtis · 03/01/2011 10:25

... the 9 year old, I mean

TheLittleRaccoon · 03/01/2011 10:31

I'd be having a word with the teacher and if it happened the way your DD said, I'd be ripping her a new arsehole.

I get very cross when my kids come home going on about God. I tell them what you told your DD; that some people believe in an invisible man in the sky but that I don't, and that it's fine for people who want to believe, but it's not really true.

Original poster
ScienceDad · 03/01/2011 10:31

I knew who you meant, don't worry :p

I think it's probably going to be best to talk to the French teacher on an individual basis to get confirmation / work it out amicably first of all.

As for Niecie's Suggestions, if I were to do that, I'd lose out on the amusement garnered from all the Silver Spoon parents in the playground discussing their trivial lives :)

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