French teacher telling DD that she only doesn't believe in God because her Mother told her.

[ScienceDad]

Hello Mumsnetters, long time reader first time poster!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that this teacher was way beyond the line in saying this? Here is some background, sorry in advance for the length, but I think it's quite interesting.

A while back, DD's cousin, who is 9, told her that she had to be good, or God, who watches them from the clouds, would punish her and send her to hell where she'd be hurt forever.

As you can imagine, this was very upsetting for a 4 year old girl, and when she asked us if there was a God in the clouds watching her, her mother and I, who are both intelligent athiests, told her not to worry about it, some people believe that there is but we don't, and worrying about it (as even religious folk should understand) is completely absurd for a 4 year old.

So fastforward a few weeks, and DD comes home from School (A very expensive, highly regarded private school, of which she is by far the top student in her class, as we were informed by her teacher at parents evening) Came home very upset after an after school French Lesson. While talking about Christmas DD was told that Christmas was about loving God, which, as you know how tactful a 4 year old can be, resulted in DD saying God wasn't real. Her French teacher in turn told her God was real, and she only doesn't believe in God because her Mother (My DW) said so.

I was fuming, to be honest, not only because it's the complete opposite of reality (not to make this a religeon debate, but surely the French teacher only took that stance because SHE had been told it as a child) but surely any mature adult would not correct a child on such a matter with no tact at all, especially when she is supposedly teaching in an expensive, non faith based school.

Sorry again for length, but AIBU?

All you have to do is tell her that people have different beliefs and it is entirely up to her, she doesn't have to be influenced by anyone.

I don't think atheists are less tolerant - quite the reverse, the worst bigots are (some) very religious people who seek to impose their views on everyone else and punish those who disagree. I don't think there's an atheist equivalent of the Taliban. And let's not forget such luminaries of intolerance as Revd Ian Paisley (in the old days, got a lot better after sharing power). More recently the Catholic church excommunicating a US hospital for performing life-saving surgery on a pregnant woman in her first trimester.

Most atheists don't actually debate religion very often - a few do it occasionally on here if the topic comes up.

Personally I'm agnostic with a CofE background and culture. But I do object to people trying to belittle athetists or pretending that only Christians are allowed to celebrate Christmas - a festival that was nicked by the early Christian church.

I still don't see why it is important; the teacher was quite right in that she only doesn't believe in God because her mother doesn't, if her mother believed so would she (However this is something that the teacher shouldn't have said).
I would just tell her that it is something that she can decide about when she is older and she doesn't have to worry about it at her age.

Edam that's your view from your experience. My view is from my experience. I've listened to people really rip the piss out of those with faiths. I don't see any of my religious friends looking down their nose at me or people of other faiths. My experiences only.

Yes it was "nicked" from Pagans. Would you consider yourself a Pagan?

Sorry I'm still on "timetable" for a four year old and extra curricular French lessons, ha ha ha ha ha ha!

giveitago, fair enough about personal experience, but beyond our own friendships, it's plain that religious bigotry is a massive problem causing huge harm across the world, especially to women. (Not just talking about radical Islam but Christianity too.)

Open, the midwinter festival is open to anyone of any religion or none. But actually I did have pagan leanings at one point and even had a pagan wedding (my first option would have been CofE but dh is allergic to churches thanks to unfortunate family history. More recently I've brought him round and he's realised some vicars are quite nice and don't order anyone who is not part of their club to eternal hellfire. Although I've carefully not explained that that might be what they think will happen anyway).

I think this

'very expensive, highly regarded private school, of which she is by far the top student in her class'

sounds pretty crap They shouldn't be telling you that your dd is way ahead of the others because that is breaching confidentiality about the ability ofevery other child in the class.

Obviously the OP has thought carefully about his dd's schooling and education, like we all have. And whilst MN is clearly not the place to be flaunting private education (have a sneaking suspicion that given the funds most of us would opt for it) in this OP it should be ignored. OP you get the same teachers wherever you send your dcs, in fact at state schools they are required to have more training than within the private sector.....one boy who trained with me and got a third was offered a place teaching at his old school!! So you can't assume that the calibre iof the teacher or teaching is any better.

Aside from that of course a teacher should be spouting nonsense about belief, certainly not when directly undermining a pupil's parent(s).

I think a teacher can say that a child is doing better than anyone else.

I am reposting as OP seemed to completely miss my post as he went off on the religious aspect of this.

OP YANBU to not wish your dd's teacher to accept that you are not of Christian faith.

But I would take some time talking to your dd about how to discuss these matters. You wish to be respected for your views on religion and religious people wishes to be respected for their views. Whilst I appriciate that she is young still and often kids will make comments you can start teaching her to be respectful towards other peoples belief that is extending others the same curtesey that you wish to have extended to you. (we are never to young to learn about diplomacy)

I would have a word with the teacher and the school and leave it at that unless something happens again.

I will add OP you need to learn to accept that people have a religious view without being a put down towards it. You are entitled to your opinion they are to theirs. It is your duty as a father to teach your daughter tolerance and it will help her greatly in life to learn diplomacy.

Doesnt mean you need to accept what the French teacher did is right but it doesn't make it right to speak like you did on this thread either. Tolerance is a nessesarry trait in everyone.

For the record my dh is agnostic our children are not brought up in any faith but they do go to a COE school (because when we moved here it was the only one with spaces) You simply have to learn to say "Some people belive" and " This is not something your mother and I - or just I if your partner is of different opinion - agree with"

'have a sneaking suspicion that given the funds most of us would opt for it'

I wouldn't .I did and it's a complete waste of money.My DD now goes to a small village school with only 15 in her class and the quality of teaching is WAY higher than it was in the independent sector.

I think, actually, it's both valid and very important to tell your children that a lot of religious bullshit is just that. If someone were to tell my DS that their imaginary friend will make him burn in hell forever for not saying prayers, or that gay people are evil, you bet I'd tell him that this is rubbish that only stupid nasty people believe.
Would you still be saying 'Well we have to respect different viewpoints' if your DC came home from school repeating the views passed onto them by little X whose mummy is a BNP councillor?

I see why you're upset, but you should appreciate (and so should your child) that for many people Christmas is actually about loving god. I am not Christian, by the way. Mightn't she have come across to the teacher as a precocious little madam?! Four year olds can, sometimes, can't they? Different issue, but I would expect an expensive highly regarded school to be teaching French from pre- school as part of the usual curriculum.