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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think its rude (and a little bizarre) behaviour?

55 replies

rocketleaf · 01/01/2011 10:55

Last night we were having an impromptu gathering of 3 friends plus DH and myself as our previous NYE plans had fallen through in the morning. Yesterday afternoon, another couple who we haven't seen for ages popped round for a cuppa, when I was obviously in the middle of prepping food. I asked them what they were doing for NYE, they said not much, indicating their shopping bags, cooking a meal and chilling so I rather impulsively asked them if they wanted to come to ours as I had probably bought too much food for the 5 of us. I made it clear that we were also going to have a fairly quiet one as I am pregnant and so was one of the other guests.

Anyway by half 11 we had realised they wernt going to come, which was fine, the 5 of us were having a lovely time and it prob would have spoiled the dynamic so we were getting our fizzy drinks sorted to make the toast when at 11.45 the door bell rang and it was them.

They immediately dragged me off into the kitchen to tell me they had got engaged. Of course I was over the moon for them but had to cut them off as wanted to make sure everyone had full glasses for NYE at which point we all piled outside to ring in the new year. As they hadn't been introduced to the others before the chimes so it was all a bit awkward.

We then went inside where they explained they were late because they had been finishing season 2 of BSG Hmm then proceeded to talk at great length about BSG (which I have already seen and the other guests hadnt) about how unconventional their wedding was going to be, an anecdote about how they had to go to Mothercare to buy ELC vouchers and she had freaked out and nearly 'puked on all the baby clothes' because she hated the idea of having babies so much. She asked me if my baby was 'driving me mad by kicking yet?' then explained she knew what she was on about as she'd had an abortion at 22 weeks (I am 19) and then proceded to explain in detail the difference in procedure between a 22 week or 24 week abortion. Not really a conversation I wanted to be having. They weren't being negative about MY pregnancy, not that bad, but I think he realised they had been a bit over the top as he went off on one about how it just wasn't the right time for them as they had their careers to think about blah blah.

By that time our other friends had left (I suspect driven away) and DH was nodding off (too much rum!), she dropped some thinly veiled hints about where the food was (i explained I had put it away when we finished eating at about 10 pm Hmm) So i told her to help herself because by that time the kitchen was destroyed and I was too tired to make them something so just pointed her at the fridge. At about half one (after lots of yawning) i said I was really sorry I was going to have to go to bed (DH full asleep on couch by this point) and He said 'oh we would never outstay our welcome!' (um, if someone has said that you, then you already have!!) At which point she appears with sandwiches and he allows her to pour more wine. They finally left at 2 am.

Now I realise that this might be bothering me because a/ I am hormonal and tired and b/ I was sober but I just think its rude and self centred to show up at someones house at that time and basically take over the evening, or is it me thats being self centred and over sensitive about certain subjects just because I am pg? Anyway I feel better for ranting so thank you AIBU and Happy New Year!

OP posts:
thumbplumpuddingwitch · 01/01/2011 12:49

YANBU - they are self-obsessed weirdy types who have no social graces. I agree with others - drop 'em and lose their contact details. Hell, move if you have to!!

Weird, weird weird. Lose 'em!

Spinkle · 01/01/2011 13:01

Shitting hell. They're mad as mongooses.

She's clearly still got issues about babies/abortion. Methinks she protesteth too much.

You need to make yourself very very unavailable to these wallies.

MrsPennySworth · 01/01/2011 13:03

Yes that is all very strange behaviour.

Bit off topic, but if she is so against having a baby how comes she didn't have an abortion till 22 weeks? Did she just not realise she was pregnant?

Very very tactless to talk about things like that to a pregnant lady! And rude!

All their behaviour does sound very strange Confused

electra · 01/01/2011 13:12

Well the first bit of your post sounds like they are socially inept.

I think the worst thing was them staying til 2am - that's a bloody cheek. Actually my pet hate is a 'stayer' - the kind of mums who come over with child at 10am, by 1pm their child is screaming with tiredness and hunger and they just sit there and sit there and sit there, in spite of having been given drinks and snacks. No excuse for that - especially when you're pregnant. I'd have left pretty promptly after seeing the new year in.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 01/01/2011 13:21

incredibly insensitive and rude to talk about abortions to pregnant ladies, even if seriously drunk.

unless you get an apology, i would dodge them in future!

PrincessBoo · 01/01/2011 13:22

Bloody hell Sprockett utter utter wankers. Hope it didn't spoil your night, you have so much to look forward to and I think maybe your first new years resolution must be to spend a lot less time with them eh?

I think that I would have told her to STFU for banging on about abortion - it's hardly a jolly subject for NYE regardless of the fact the you are expecting your first baby. Think maybe she has ishooos.

YADNBU of course.

ps are these people I know by the way?

And a very very Happy New Year to you :)

PrincessBoo · 01/01/2011 13:24

:o at Narkypuffin re Starbuck. First belly laugh of 2011 - thank you :o

MsKLo · 01/01/2011 13:29

She doesn't sound ballsy - she sounds like a twat! Dump em, drop em and tell em why!

Poor you having to put up with that and what a x
Vile vile person she is talking about aborting a baby she could feel moving

Herecomesthesciencebint · 01/01/2011 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rocketleaf · 01/01/2011 14:18

Hi Aries happy new year to you too!

No Boo you don't know them. TBH I don't think dropping them is going to be a problem once we have the baby anyway. Although they only live a few streets away so it might take some fairly determined swerving.

Soups and Spinkles, yes I think there must be ishoos there from her general rant about babies and THEN mentioning her abortion. I am just glad everyone else esp my 7 month pregnant friend had left by then (although she was there for the mothercare rant, I have texted to apologise but think she will be cool about itas shes pretty level headed!) although I am not sure she would have brought it up if others had been there.

MsFc no I am pretty sure they wont have a clue there was a problem, sometimes I am too polite/middle class/repressed for my own good. Wink

The other two lovely friends have just dropped round for a coffee and to pick their car up, we had a lovely gossip about it, all is fine, they weren't really bothered by them as they were happy getting drunk with DH :o Although they were both Shock at the abortion convo. And they reminded me about another weird thing: when the football got mentioned there ensured a massive very sweary rant about the manager of the footie team they all support, which I had to put a stop to quite firmly (and repeatedly) in the end because it was getting really out of hand.

Oh well, this is now getting transmuted into a bit of a funny anecdote rather than the trouble it seemed to be at ten this morning. Thanks for all your comments!!

OP posts:
LittleMissHootsMon · 01/01/2011 14:35

Oh good for you to text and apologise to your other guests! Nice one, they must have wondered what planet this pair had teleported in from!

lazarusinNazareth · 01/01/2011 16:09

You are far too polite for your own good! They are very,very odd...Happy New Year! Smile

Blu · 01/01/2011 16:22

Is she really a professional dominatrix?
If so, I can see how it would be hard to combine that with motherhood.
Without careful planning.

OkieCokie · 01/01/2011 16:25

What twats. I wouldn't bother contacting them in 2011 and see what happens.

TheMonster · 01/01/2011 16:28

YANBU. I might not have even let them in in the first place.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 01/01/2011 16:33

First of all I would like to point out I am NOT the domanatrix. Grin

They sound like absolute twats, and I would definitely have shown them the door, especially as I am pg and need my sleep!!

I really would may a NY resolution not to bother with them anymore!

rocketleaf · 01/01/2011 16:39

Blu - yep she is, in fact part of the later convo about how they were going to wait to have children was that she would be better having time off later in her career as when she was older she could then restart her career as a 'school marm' style disciplinarian. I am sure it is very Vanilla of me to be a bit Shock and wonder how her poor kids are gonna react when they find out what mummy does for a living.

IDK in hind sight I think it was just a general level of social ineptness (which we were sort of aware of anyway) combined with extreme drunkenness. In a WAY I really think she was trying to identify with me regarding the aspects of pregnancy she had experienced (kicking/cravings etc) and obviously had to explain why she didn't have a kid, and then I think it went a bit too far as she didn't really twig that it was inappropriate to go into detail. I also think she gets a bit of a buzz out of being hard faced and deliberately controversial, it's a defense mechanism because she must get negative reactions to what she does for a living. Oh well.

OP posts:
rocketleaf · 01/01/2011 16:40

:o @ Kara, great name hehe

OP posts:
InPraiseOfBacchus · 01/01/2011 16:59

Crikey, what a pair! Now, I'm NOT squeamish or even sentimental about abortion, but if someone launched into the gory details in front of me or another pg lady, I'd consider it inappropriate.

I hope they're very happy together Hmm

anonymosity · 01/01/2011 17:06

Its not just very rude, its hugely insensitive. You deserve a medal for tolerating it. Never again though, don't let them in.

TheFeministParent · 01/01/2011 17:06

Vile, vile people.

ChinaCup · 01/01/2011 17:07

Christ on a bike! Rude doesn't even begin to describe it. I hope they didn't ruin Hogmanay for you and I guarantee your 2011 will be much better than theirs because you will have your beautiful baby to enjoy.

hairyfairylights · 01/01/2011 17:09

YANBU. I think you were very restrained in putting up with them!

pigletmania · 01/01/2011 17:19

Your too nice, be assertive next time, dont let it happen again. Avoid, avoid, avoid, weird people!

pigletmania · 01/01/2011 17:23

All the more to avoid once you have a baby! You do not have to be friends with them because they live near, I would grow some if i were you. The woman was not afraid about your feelings, you should not be afraid about theirs. Mabey after some avoidence, they will get the hint.

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