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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my dh is being a twat?

62 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 21:44

Ok... It's new years eve, we have a dd who is 13 months old and we have no babysitters here... I also have ds (11)...

We both have full time work and neither is standard 9-5, mine involves interviewing people as and when available and I have 3 to do tomorrow lunchtime onwards... Dh was on shift this morning but has tomorrow off and has been to the pub after work getting home around half six... Dd went down at 7 and I ordered in pizza, ds is watching tv on his room... Dh had wine before his pizza but is clearly pee'd off that he isn't going out. One of his mates called, asking if hd was going out and he said a couple of times 'no I can't'... Since then he has been moaning that it's do boring at home, that he might ad well go to bed etc,..

He then asked if I was going to wake dd at midnight, I said no as it could take ages to get her back down and that I thought it wasn't the usual thong to wake babies for new year...

He has stropped off upstairs saying I am so boring and that if he told people what I had just said that they wouldn't believe it... And that he can't get pissed as he has to watch the kids in the morning (from 11:30!) and that if he told people that he had to do that they wouldn't believe it either!

I've said to him we could play something On the wii, or a board game, or watch a movie... He says no, but doesn't suggest anything else!

Am I being boring? Aibu to need him to look after dd tomorrow for a couple of hours as it's new years day? Or is he being a twat?

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 31/12/2010 21:50

I think he's being a bit of a sulky twat, tbh.

FabbyChic · 31/12/2010 21:52

He is waiting for you to tell him to go out.

He is trying to make you feel guilty!

Take no notice.

Lastyearsmodel · 31/12/2010 21:53

In which parallel universe is it a good idea to wake a sleeping 13mo? He sounds like a teenager: 'But Muuum, all my friends are waking their babies at new year'. Sulky twat.

winnybella · 31/12/2010 21:53

He's being a twat.

oldraver · 31/12/2010 21:54

Yes he's being sulky in the hope you will say "oh go out with your mates"

herbietea · 31/12/2010 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 31/12/2010 21:54

You are not boring.

He is being a man-child and a bit of an arse.

It's his children too, if his mates raise an eyebrow at 'looking after your own children while your wife goes to work' perhaps he could get some adult male friends Xmas Hmm

Feel free to show him my response. My dh has just asked why all the mumsnet threads he sees are women married to teenage boys.

scoobytoo · 31/12/2010 21:54

you could always suggest that he looks after the kids tonight and you go out with some friends last minute and next year you will stay home? That way he can't say you're boring and he will understand the implications of getting a child up to see the new year in??
just an idea!

ChildofIsis · 31/12/2010 21:55

It sounds like you've got 3 kids not 2!

Surely there'll be plenty of opportunity to go out when your youngest is older.

frgr · 31/12/2010 21:56

i think your dh is confusing being "boring" with an adult's responsibilities esp. when you have a family (i.e. functioning in a position of responsibility and not still drunk whilst looking after a minor, fulfiling your work comitments, etc)

it sounds like he's unhappy with the current setup (maybe just a mood thing or longer term - only you will know that) and he's trying to project you as being the bad person despite the fact that he knows you both have comitments that you need to meet

i also think that even if he is unhappy about staying in, etc - it's a bit over the top to suggest that no one would believe in you not waking a baby at midnight Hmm of course i wouldn't wake the little one, they need their rest and they don't miss these things at all anyway. For whose benefit does he want to disturb DCs? In all honesty, it's the adults.

finally "Aibu to need him to look after dd tomorrow for a couple of hours as it's new years day?" - aren't they his children? why would he resent you needing him to take care of his own children? it's hardly doing you a favour, is it! Unless you're swanning off to a luxury day spa, you're working! If he has a problem with this setup, you have much bigger problems than him accusing you of being boring.

In summary, your husband sounds like he's being an utter twat. Feel free to show him this thread, because unless i'm massively mistaken, i don't think many other MNers are going to contradict me on this one.

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2010 21:56

No your being perfectly reasonable.

He is just trying to provoke a row so he has an excuse to storm off out or you get so fed up with his tantrum that you just tell him to go.

Oh and by the way, it would be insane to wake up a 13 month old for new years.. is he serious?? Hmm Confused

hottiemamma · 31/12/2010 21:56

Oh FGS - let the poor sod go out! Would it hurt your life to just let him go? Be gracious, tell him to go out and have fun and you can have the place to yourself to do as you please. Life, you see, is NOT about restricting the movements of others or being unable to function for a few hours by yourself.

Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 21:56

I did tell him to piss off out but check thar his mates have a comfy sofa as that's where he'll be living this year if he thinks I'm so boring and he's so hard done by....

He's skulked off to bed now! But I bet he'll wake later and have a go at me!

OP posts:
clairefromsteps · 31/12/2010 21:57

YANBU, he is being a bell end. When you have kids, you accept the fact that your social life is going to be less spontaneous and raucous than before. Reading between the lines of your post, it looks like he's been out with his mates, they've all told him what they're doing this evening and he's jealous. He shouldn't be taking it out on you.

BTW - waking a 13 month old up at midnight? He's right, I don't believe it. I don't believe you didn't tell him to fuck off get real.

Hope you manage to have a nice night anyway!

hottiemamma · 31/12/2010 21:58

Great idea OP. Tell him to go out with such bad grace that of course he won't go. So, errrr, no winners in your house tonight huh?

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2010 21:58

but hottiemamma its new years eve - why should he go out with his mates instead of spending it with his wife (or rather leaving her at home alone) when they have no babysitter? surely he could just stop being such a big child, crack open a bottle of wine together and enjoy..

lindsell · 31/12/2010 22:00

He's being stupid and agree with other posters he's just trying to get you to say oh go out then!

Our ds is 20mths, dh & I are staying in drinking champagne and watching rubbish on tv, as I did last year I'll go and kiss ds at midnight and quietly wish him happy new year but wouldn't dream of waking him up!

DameSpringHeeledJack · 31/12/2010 22:00

my dp did this the first year we were together (though to be fair he's not ds's dad, and we had no other dcs at that stage)

I said "oh, go on, go out" not for one minute thinking that he would

Grin

...he did. And I don't think it's too much of a stretch to think that that set the bar for all our future years of joint childrearing/ NYE celebrations

(I am in right now with the dds- sole topic of conversation- Littlest Pet Shop- while he's swanned off to some fancy do)

I'd say: don't give in Smile

hottiemamma · 31/12/2010 22:01

Well why shouldn't he though? Isn't it wiser to choose your battles carefully? Because now nobody's happy and that could have all been so easily avoided.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 31/12/2010 22:01

YANBU, your husband is behaving like a complete twat.

TheSleepFairy · 31/12/2010 22:02

hottie we were meant to go out tonight but in the end I only sent 2 of our 3 children to their aunts because the toddler is unwell.
DH had a little stop & I told him I had no worries about staying in new year nm'ing on my own if he wanted to go on his own & I then got a mouthfull about new years being about us & not the pub & we should be togeather.

Really can't win.

Limara · 31/12/2010 22:04

notremotelyintofootie your DH sounds like a baby-throwing his toys out of his pram by going to bed? Honestly!Shock

I'd tell him to get a grip and I'd most definitely wake him at midnight with a vuvuzela or equivalent noise making instrumentand shout HAPPY NEW YEAR DARLIN Grin

rubyj11 · 31/12/2010 22:05

Twat twat twat twat twat - your DH that is. How did you manage to marry a 12 year old?

SkyBluePearl · 31/12/2010 22:07

why couldn't he make new years eve special with you - plan something special/romantic if it's not practical for him to go out with mates. or if he wanted more people about why didn't invite friends round to the house?

MadAboutQuavers · 31/12/2010 22:07

OP, as someone else has said, you have 3 kids, not 2.

And I would ignore hottiemama as otherwise you'll be acting like his mother, not his partner. What a juvenile arse he is.