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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my dh is being a twat?

62 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 21:44

Ok... It's new years eve, we have a dd who is 13 months old and we have no babysitters here... I also have ds (11)...

We both have full time work and neither is standard 9-5, mine involves interviewing people as and when available and I have 3 to do tomorrow lunchtime onwards... Dh was on shift this morning but has tomorrow off and has been to the pub after work getting home around half six... Dd went down at 7 and I ordered in pizza, ds is watching tv on his room... Dh had wine before his pizza but is clearly pee'd off that he isn't going out. One of his mates called, asking if hd was going out and he said a couple of times 'no I can't'... Since then he has been moaning that it's do boring at home, that he might ad well go to bed etc,..

He then asked if I was going to wake dd at midnight, I said no as it could take ages to get her back down and that I thought it wasn't the usual thong to wake babies for new year...

He has stropped off upstairs saying I am so boring and that if he told people what I had just said that they wouldn't believe it... And that he can't get pissed as he has to watch the kids in the morning (from 11:30!) and that if he told people that he had to do that they wouldn't believe it either!

I've said to him we could play something On the wii, or a board game, or watch a movie... He says no, but doesn't suggest anything else!

Am I being boring? Aibu to need him to look after dd tomorrow for a couple of hours as it's new years day? Or is he being a twat?

OP posts:
bringmesomeFIGGYpudding · 31/12/2010 22:07

tbh,I would send him out and tell him that you hope he comes back a grown up. As you are currently spending new year on your own it won't make too much difference.

btw am not condoning his behaviour, actually think he is being a twat but equally can't see the point in both of you being miserable and actually have no real affection for new year myself. If you let him go somwhere I would recommend spending a girly night out somewhere whilst duly ignoring any texts/calls from twatty dp!

Happy new year!

Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 22:08

This is it, he goes to the pub for head space 3-4 times a week, sometimes after work for a 'cheeky pint while waiting for a bus' or for 4 hours or so anyway! He often goes and sits on his own and with his shift patterns that leaves few nights to spend together let skins off me to have some me time out of the house!
A couple of his mates have gone to the place he used to live and some newish mates are out in this town and I think
He feels he should be able to act as if hd is single, ie drink too much and sleep all day! He ASSUMES that it's ok for me to always look after the kids (I have had 1 lie in since dd born, hd sleeps in several times a week, and I do all the night wakings as dd is still bf at night...)

Whenever I disagree with him he calls me boring, a robot, an old hag and usually threatens to leave as the 'stress is killing him'!

I do not try and control him, I only ask that hd is considerate of my needs and that we try and do things together... He usually apologises a day or so later but he really ruins things when he acts like s petulant teenager! Arghhh

OP posts:
scoobytoo · 31/12/2010 22:09

If you 'let' him go out you are effectively absolving him from responsibility.

if you want to store up resentment then tell him to go out. If you want to make sure he understands his responsibilities then say " I don't want you to think I am boring so i am going out, I promise you can go out next year"

hottiemamma · 31/12/2010 22:11

Given that someone up there thinks you should ignore me I'll make this a quick one. Sounds to me like your relationship is doomed unless and until you both start acting like adults. You are both harbouring great resentment of one another for different reasons. Sort it or I predict you being another statistic.

bringmesomeFIGGYpudding · 31/12/2010 22:12

op your last post makes a HUGE difference to my opinion, get your glad rags on girl and as he is asleep he need never know you are gone!

Pillock!

Have a good new year all the same!

Mephit · 31/12/2010 22:12

Personally I think it's not worth fighting over, the whole night is turning into crap for you both.

I'd try to turn it around, encourage him to go out with a good grace so he can catch up with his mates. On the understanding, of course, that he looks after the kids even if he feels like death tomorrow and he owes you a night out (either together or with your mates).

Limara · 31/12/2010 22:13

notremotelyintofootie - your DH is acting like a massive, gigantic TWAT

We're ALL telling you the same thing. It's supposed to be a new start/new year tomorrow.

May I suggest one of your new year's resolutions is to treat him like a juvenile and to nip this behaviour in the bud.

Good luck and happy new year notremotelyintofootieSmile

Rindercella · 31/12/2010 22:14

YANBU...your H is being a twat.

In no world that I know of do you wake a 13 month old baby at midnight to wish her a Happy New Year Hmm

He was obviously hoping that you would say to him, "YES! DH! Go out tonight with your mates. Have a fabulous time, and don't even worry about being back in the morning to look after DD when I'm working".

The two of you could have had a lovely evening together, celebrating your marriage, your beautiful DC, your life together. But instead he's decided that being a twat is more fun Hmm Hmm Hmm

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 31/12/2010 22:15

That sounds quite awful. He calls you names and threatens to leave you unless you agree to him living out his single lad lifestyle.

Don't mean to sound rude, but, you are still with this man why exactly?

Soups · 31/12/2010 22:16

Tantrum? He needs time out, one minute for every year old he is.

"He has stropped off upstairs saying I am so boring and that if he told people what I had just said that they wouldn't believe it.."

Well, he's half right. They wouldn't believe YES they wouldn't ....that he wanted to wake a baby up at midnight.

"he has to watch the kids in the morning (from 11:30!) and that if he told people that he had to do that they wouldn't believe it either!". Gosh, he needs to look after his own children when his wife is working? If he wanted to get that smashed he should have made his own childcare arrangements? Not your problem.

scoobytoo · 31/12/2010 22:21

The thing is it's all about the upper hand.

If you say 'go out' which is what he's fishing for you are setting yourself up for him to think this behavoiur gets his own way.

It's up to you but I would go out on the back of his "you're boring" statement

Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 22:22

Thanks everyone, it's good to know that I am not being unreasonable... I start to doubt myself when told the same thing so many times!

I really don't know how to handle this going forward, he is making me into an old hag/nag at times and I hate that!

I cant go out tonight as he is so deeply asleep (from the beer) and wouldn't wake up for dd! But... I'm sat watching eastenders and mn-ing!

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figcake · 31/12/2010 22:24

He sounds like my MIL actually - latest was her calling on the landline (rings all around the house) for two hour long conversation with DH at 10pm (mainly asking why he can't bring DCs to visit her abroad without me coming).

DS stirred, I interrupted to say ' Given that she is retired and that DH is home-based with v light workload, can you call in the daytime next time if it is not an emergency'.

Her (expected) response was that 'DS is five years old, why is he still going to bed according to a routine. It is alright if they wake up when they hear the phone so that they can come chat to Grandma' (they don't actually speak her language'.

Oh, because you are really that important, I suppose.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr at DH saying 'Yes, I know, he is 5 years old, we should loosen up the routine a bit, I suppose. He can be foolish but he wouldn't dare actually interfere..Angry

Limara · 31/12/2010 22:25

notremotelyintofootie- I'm a tad worried he's got you doubting yourself and your own common sense? Shock

Honestly, it's HIM

compo · 31/12/2010 22:29

He drinks too much
he says he's going for a pint while waiting for the bus home and it takes 4 hours
do you love him? How old is he? Sounds like he wishes he was single like his mates to me

Deafworm · 31/12/2010 22:42

just to help, im in on nye with my dh and girls, we are in for similar reasons to you, lack of babysitters and because DH has to work tomorrow, he will be out of the door at 7am and not home till 9pm, he is in the military so no way to get out of it. i dont feel hard done by that im having to stay in because he is working, its life, instead we are watching rubbish on the tv and playing with the girls christmas presents, mainly the scalectrix and all having a good giggle. we always let the girls try to make midnight, my youngest at 18 months asked for bed at 9.30, now she is down she will stay put as would her 3 and 5 yr old sisters if they go before midnight.

if it was the other way round would he be happy for you to go out?

Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 31/12/2010 22:47

Deafworm - no, he would say I was being selfish! There is a constant hypocrisy here I'm afraid and if I being that up I'm being 'nasty'!

OP posts:
Vallhala · 31/12/2010 22:48

It's official. He's being a twat.

Unanimous.

Twat!

mamas12 · 31/12/2010 22:52

I agree with whoever said wake him up at midnight.go on he is the prick here and you really need to think about the coming year and how you can move forward from this manchild situation.

ChaoticAngel · 31/12/2010 23:06

He's a childish, pathetic twat and needs to grow up Hmm

Quite frankly if he wants to be single so much I'd let him but then again I'd rather be single than put up with his selfish behaviour.

Tootlesmummy · 31/12/2010 23:11

He's being a dick and to be honest what is the obsession with NYE!? it's just a night like any other and I can't imagine anything worse than going out to a pub or something.

TroubledPrincess · 31/12/2010 23:24

YANBU HE IS A FUCKING TWAT

PlanetEarth · 31/12/2010 23:25

Waking the baby for New Year? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha....

Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 01/01/2011 00:40

And now dh is stomping around shouting at me because I didn't wake him before 12 despite him telling meant to bother waking him when I asked as he went to bed and of course he's denying saying that!

OP posts:
Original poster
notremotelyintofootie · 01/01/2011 00:41

Me not to bother not meant!

OP posts: