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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting more and more annoyed with MIL

129 replies

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 21:51

Ok, this might be a long one, quite a lot of background so sorry!
Basically we had quite a large christmas, both mine and DH parent's plus his two brothers and their wives and my sister and her husband, 5 nephews and niece, aged from a newborn to 5, and DH's gran and they all stayed from the xmas day until, supposedly the morning of the 27th. However PILs, gran-in-law and DH's brother, his wife and two children are still staying with us, despite only living 20-30 mins away

I have four DH aged 6, 3 (DTs) and 7 month old, so obviously bedtime is something of a palava and we have devolped a routine that we are very strict with, we also the supernanny bedtime technique when they get up (its bedtime darling, its bedtime, and then nothing) The DC are normally very good and rarely get up however with all the room sharing we still have at the moment with their cousins, who are terribly behaved and appear to have no bedtime routine or indeed any bedtime, and the fuss of having guests we have had quite a few post bedtime appearance. However my MIL and DH's gran have been very dismissive of my routine over the past 3 and now 4 nights continually pulling the children onto their laps, saying they can stay up and opening crictising me, often in front of the children, about sending them to bed.

AIBU to think that they should learn to hold their tongues? And also go home!!

OP posts:

HappyHECmanay · 29/12/2010 21:53

tell them off then.

olderyetwider · 29/12/2010 21:53

They should all go home, it's been far too long! House guests are like fish, and smell after 2 days!

cees · 29/12/2010 21:54

Send them home, they have out stayed their welcome.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 29/12/2010 21:55

YANBU tell them to go home if they don't like the way you run things.

How big is your house??????

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 21:56

I know, my paitence is wearing very thin. The children are all shacked up and getting quite grouchy. I have told them that I do not appreciate what they are doing, as has DH but to little avail. They seem to favour BIL parenting approach, which as far as I can see is nothing as his DC are completly out of control and disrupting mine. If they saw very little of the children I could understand but they see them at least once a week.

OP posts:

FrostyAndSlippery · 29/12/2010 21:57

WTF why are they still staying if they live so near?

MadamDeathstare · 29/12/2010 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngel · 29/12/2010 22:00

I agree with Hec

....and anyone who says they need to go home.

Garcia10 · 29/12/2010 22:00

I think you are probably being a bit unreasonable. They may just want to spend time with their (great)grandchildren and it is Christmas. If they are upsetting you by still being in your house perhaps you should have told them how long you expected them to stay before they arrived.

Maybe I'm luckly but I have always found it reasonably straightforward to re-establish a routine for my DD so allow her the odd few days where it is not followed religiously.

Well done on having so many people over to stay at Christmas though! You are a better woman than I!

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 22:01

I have no idea Frosty, we have tried the subtly hints "i bet you are looking forward to your own bed", "you must need some peace and quiet away from the DC" etc and nothing works. Its like they are oblivious. Even my FIL has tried to get them to leave but oh no. Its costing me a fortune in food!

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 29/12/2010 22:01

This sounds mad; why on earth are they all still staying with you?

I would be tempted to take my four dcs (with or without dh) and taken them in the car to bil or pil's house and stay there!

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 22:02

Garcia, we did set out the days they were supposed to be staying for but it appears to have been ignored! The thing is they see plently of the kids, at least once a week. They live within half an hour from us

OP posts:

CarGirl · 29/12/2010 22:03

Tell them you have friends coming over for dinner so they need to leave!

anonacfr · 29/12/2010 22:03

Poor you.

Of course your cheeky little ones are going to milk it and stay up as long as they can.

Very disrespectful of your MIL to dismiss you like that, specially if you've spoken to her about it.

Why are they all staying with you if they love so close? I could understand Xmas Eve so that you can do present opening in the morning, but after 4 days?

onepieceoflollipop · 29/12/2010 22:05

Seriously, go and stay in their house if they refuse to leave yours. (or call the police to evict them )

If you let them stay beyond today then no doubt they will be thinking "oh, may as well stay for New Years now"

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 22:07

The children don't even want to stay up, DS1, who is 6, came down earlier for a drink, cue Granny pulling him onto her lap to which he said "no granny, i'm tired, i want to sleep" to which she responded about how if his 5 year old cousin could stay up this late surely he could manage it...he could sleep in in the moring blah blah.

We tried the we have friends coming over to which MIL said "oh how lovely, I haven't seen x,y and z for ages!"

OP posts:

panettoinydog · 29/12/2010 22:07

oh god, tell them to GO.

I would h ave reached that stage by now.

'We all need some time to get back to normal. When are you planning on leaving?' I'd be as blunt as that. You are an angel.

panettoinydog · 29/12/2010 22:08

Tell them you are SHATTERED and you need to be left alone now.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/12/2010 22:08

don't buy any more food. Surely it will run out soon and then decisions will have to be made?

orangepoo · 29/12/2010 22:09

They should bugger off!

Original poster

nextchapter · 29/12/2010 22:10

FIL has said he thinks they need to go but oh no, the woman stays put. As for BIL, why an earth anyone would spend now the 5th night on a sofa bed is just beyond me. I book a last minute holiday, they will surely have to leave then.....

OP posts:

ReindeerBollocks · 29/12/2010 22:10

Your house, your children, your rules.

I don't mind an odd night or two out of routine, but your family are undermining you (in front of the DC). Can you not explain this to them when the DCs are in bed?

YANBU, just in case you didn't guess :)

mamatomany · 29/12/2010 22:14

House guests are like fish, they go off after 3 days.
It's home time before the DC's become over tired.

PerEggnogAdNauseum · 29/12/2010 22:14

Phone the friends you've got coming round and ask if they'd mind meeting up in a restaurant/pub instead. Don't tell the ILs, but just get you and yours into the car and make a run for it. You'll get 2 hours at least, and if they have to scratch around for their own food maybe they'll change their minds about the attractiveness of it all. And remove all the booze into your bedroom, in case that's what's attracting BIL.

So, how big is your house then? [nosy]

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/12/2010 22:17

Poor you- that would drive me insane!

Could you gush to MIL "Actually I'm soo glad you are here- I am so snowed under with the washing/ ironing/ cooking, it's great to have you all here to help!" Then set up the ironing board, point her in the direction of the huge mound of ironing we all hide in the airing cupboard when we have guests to stay (it's not just me, right?) Then say "Oh, and since I seem to be running low on stocks, you won't mind if I nip to the shops while you're here to mind the kids?" Don't wait for an answer- just tell her she is an angel, then piss off out to the shops/ to see a friend/ watch a film/ have a massage and don't come home until it is dark.

By that time she should have done all the ironing and be pissed off with the kids You can then enthuse what a godsend it is to have her here and make some plans for the next day.

My bet is she'll be packing by the time your newly manicured nails touch the front doorknob

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