To be getting more and more annoyed with MIL

[nextchapter]

Ok, this might be a long one, quite a lot of background so sorry!
Basically we had quite a large christmas, both mine and DH parent's plus his two brothers and their wives and my sister and her husband, 5 nephews and niece, aged from a newborn to 5, and DH's gran and they all stayed from the xmas day until, supposedly the morning of the 27th. However PILs, gran-in-law and DH's brother, his wife and two children are still staying with us, despite only living 20-30 mins away

I have four DH aged 6, 3 (DTs) and 7 month old, so obviously bedtime is something of a palava and we have devolped a routine that we are very strict with, we also the supernanny bedtime technique when they get up (its bedtime darling, its bedtime, and then nothing) The DC are normally very good and rarely get up however with all the room sharing we still have at the moment with their cousins, who are terribly behaved and appear to have no bedtime routine or indeed any bedtime, and the fuss of having guests we have had quite a few post bedtime appearance. However my MIL and DH's gran have been very dismissive of my routine over the past 3 and now 4 nights continually pulling the children onto their laps, saying they can stay up and opening crictising me, often in front of the children, about sending them to bed.

AIBU to think that they should learn to hold their tongues? And also go home!!

Don't click on the "thread" one. I wrote other thread within the ['s but forgot to put the link in No idea at all how it found and created that link!!

Oh dear I think they are waiting for you to say something.

I totally agree with fake plastic trees. DH has always been a total mummy's boy and i made two things clear when we became parents (they're a bit like extra and very important marriage vows!). 1. I expected myself and DD to always be number 1 priority and 2. As a result of 1, I expected him to "man up", grow a pair and deal with his mother. DH knows that I would have lost all respect for him if he hadn't done these two things. OP you need to be prepared to have this conversation.

The other thing I would say that is that you need to "wo man" up yourself. Know what your boundaries are, be prepared to stick with them and be prepared to speak your piece of mind when they are not being respected. A happy mother makes for a happy child, so if you're not comfortable viewing it asserting your own "rights" then for the love of god, look at it as protecting your DC. So in the nicest possible way, throw them out because they are taking the p*ss. Seriously, what's the worst they can do?

They def think they have bought their stay I reckon.

Are they going today?

Come on OP, hurry up and tell us "THEY'RE GOOOOOOOOOOONE!"

Hi everyone, sorry the delay. I am totally with FakePlasticChristmasTrees. Myself and DH had a frank conversation about this last night and he agreed that whilst he is one not to rock the boat this has come totally out of control and he really needs to put his foot down as they pay no attention to me. He thinks that because MIL and her MIL (DH gran) had a sort of co-parenting arrangement where the gran was a matriarch that they think it will be the same in our family as it appears to be like that in BILs. We both agreeed this needs to be addressed.

Anyway, FIL is packing bags, MIL is telling the children that mummy is insisting they go home, to which DS2 replied "you have been her a very LONG time". MIL has also suggested that we all go out for tea tonight. NO THANKS!!!!

BIL is yet to rise from his bed. For heavens sake

Yay, for your DH, FIL and special award for DS2 - give that boy some chocolate .

OMG-what a nightmare! Where on earth are they all sleeping; you'd have to have an enormous house to accomodate that many easily!

Who is looking after BIL's children whilst he's in bed??

Has she noticed you are mightily p*£%ed off, or is she fully aware and just doesn't care???

Have they done this before at other people's houses?

Sorry for all the questions, I just need some background info as I can't imagine this scenario-it sounds like a nightmare!!

You say they were supposed to be staying until the morning of the 27th. Who specifically organised those dates? Was there room for confusion, or are your ILs really taking the mick?

No the 27th was the set date for leaving. My parents, sister and family and other BIL all left but these just haven't.

Teachermum, the house the 5 bedroomed on 3 floors, DS1and2 share rooms which helpfully leaves us witha guest room and we do have a couple of sofa beds. Still a squash though.

No, they haven't done this before. I think she is aware and FIL has told them that they are being unreasonable.

MIL and DH's gran are now telling the children that they need to have just one last story...one last game etc etc, through chocked emotion. They only live down the road!!! DH keeps giving aggressive sighs and taking the children to play outside only for MIL to call them back.

BIL and SIL have finally risen to be told the situation by me over breakfast to respond, oh right, well we dont get much of a xmas together (teacher and hairdresser) can you have the kids for another few days whilst we spend some time alone. I nearly poured my hot coffee over them.

WHAT????????????
WHat did you say?????????

My god but you CANNOT have these people back next year.

I do hope you've billed them for their stay?! and as from the request from BIL and SIL..

You want me to childmind your kids, fine my rates are £££££ per child per hour, double from 10pm to 6am and cash in advance. Do you want me to drive you to the cashpoint now or after you've packed?

and whatever you do DO NOT invite these people to your house again. I'd be hesitant to offer them a meal, let along the chance of sleeping over!

I know. Never ever again. Its FIL i feel sorry for. He feels terrible about it all and there isn't anything the poor man can do. I can't work out if BIL is just rude or ignorant. The trouble is before christmas, and the palava of me inviting my family and not them and then them inviting themselves, we all got along wonderfully, give or take a few hiccups. Nothing like this though!!

I suspect that maybe this is payback for not orginally inviting them, but really it is just cutting off your nose to spite your face as far as I can see

BIL and SIL have finally risen to be told the situation by me over breakfast to respond, oh right, well we dont get much of a xmas together (teacher and hairdresser) can you have the kids for another few days whilst we spend some time alone. I nearly poured my hot coffee over them.

You are joking?!! What did you say? Did you suggest they had yours for a few days first??

I would go out and say my goodbyes now; 'you'll be gone when I get back-so I'll say bye now etc etc...'

I think this is a wind up.They massively out stay their welcome,treat your house like a hotel and then BIL asks you to keep his kids for even longer?.Sorry am not buying it.Noone is that spineless.

We never have much of a christmas!...I'm bloody worn out. I haven't had anything like a break! I said through gritted teeth that I am looking forward to some time alone with MY family and some relaxing. To which BIL said "but nephew1 and nephew2 ARE your family and they just love it here!".

They are not staying, they are nightmare children. I am going away for christmas next year!!!!!

OMG - just read this - can't believe your ILs (FIL excepted, he sounds like a lovely man)!!
Especially your BIL - what a fecking joker! Hope they've all left now.

Move. Don't tell them where you've gone. And don't ever invite them again since they have no manners.

I am ROFLing at your bil's request! Do you think it's a dare? Who can push NextChapter the furthest? I can't believe these are real people!!!!

I have finally snapped. DH is helpfully packing, under my instruction, for his brother, wife and his children. I have stripped all the bedding and am putting a wash on. The sofa bed is going away and all bags being put by the front door.

MIL has seen this and said she hopes that we can spend the new year together. I just handed her her coat. She is currently giving the children some tearful goodbyes. She sees them every wednesday!!!!!! DH has told them that we need a break from everyone and we are going to my parents for NY day. She got a sour faced. Oh well. FIL just bundled her and his mother out of the door. DS1 has told me he is "really glad they are going". LOL!!!

I have put my nephews in their coats and they are waiting for their parents at the front door. BIL tried asking me for a table at my resturant tonight, thinking he would get a hefty discount as per usual, but I told him that he may have a table but sadly as I am not there this evening there will be no discount available. He hastily said he has other plans for this evening...shocking. DH told him that he is taking the piss and should learn some manners and kindly leave.

Finally my clear!! Amazing what a good rant will do

Did you say that your kids would love to stay at theirs as well??

Hurrah for you and your DH! And your DSs too - it sounds like you're all heartily sick of them!

Can't believe they honestly think you want to see more of them...

my house is clear*

Madam, she didn't invite them to stay at all. She invited her own family, her ILs got to hear of it and invited themselves!