Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want four children?

129 replies

jinglebelly · 28/12/2010 21:00

DH and I have 3 DC and have always wanted a big family. Despite being in the position to afford four DC whenever I mention having another one people (even family) seem to roll their eyes and think we are mad/stupid

OP posts:
Imarriedafrog · 29/12/2010 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamatomany · 29/12/2010 11:25

There are far too many children being born into dysfunctional families, but 1 might be too many for them but that's a whole different discussion.
Well brought up, educated children we need more of to pay tax and provide for the other type apparently.

Imarriedafrog · 29/12/2010 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoneedssleepanyway · 29/12/2010 20:57

LondonMother - you can't put limits on howmany children people should have...I know there are people out there that don't have them for the right reasons but if the OP has thought about it and can provide for a family with 4 DCs I genuinely think what does it matter what anyone else thinks.

cupcakebakerer · 29/12/2010 21:04

It doesn't really but she did ask...

whoneedssleepanyway · 29/12/2010 21:08

I don't really get why she asked to be honest....

LaWeaselMys · 29/12/2010 21:10

People get very wierd about how many children other people have.

As long as the kids aren't being neglected because the parents can't cope it's none of anyone else's business.

It's such a misnomer to say lots of kids are bad for the environment (which depends totally on how you choose to bring them up) or cause overpopulation (because we are not even remotely anywhere near overpopulation point.)

cupcakebakerer · 29/12/2010 21:11

To get lots of Oprah-esque 'you go girls'?

Scorps · 29/12/2010 21:18

I have four children - they are 8, 6, 2 and 1 tomorrow :) (2 of each). I'm on my own with them, have been since H left me at 38 weeks pg last Xmas. I'd want more than 4 if i was still married Grin.

Seriously though - I had them because I loved their Father, I love children, I 'missed' the ones i didn't yet have. I'm not proud at all that i now live on welfare but am going to finish my degree September 2011. I cope very well and often get compliments on their manners and behaviour, etc. I do feel that 4 may be enough for now, especially as I'm not with their Dad. I'm one of three and always got enough attention, and i make sure i spend time with my dcs individually, by staggering bedtimes and changing who goes first; by eating all together and having set homework nights, etc.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 30/12/2010 08:05

I asked because I am curious as to why some people think it is unreasonable

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 30/12/2010 09:51

Mine are 10, 5 and just turned 1.

I can't afford another in full time childcare so if we decide to have another it will be when the youngest starts school.

LondonMother · 30/12/2010 17:32

Well, LaWeaselMys, David Attenborough doesn't agree that we are not even remotely near overpopulation point.

www.optimumpopulation.org/

I'll bow out now.

mutznutz · 30/12/2010 17:39

You're not being unreasonable as long as either you, the dad...or both of you can support them financially.

The only thing that gets on my norks are people who plan large families whilst on benefits...and have never done a days work in their lives. Angry

Since that doesn't seem to be the case...good luck to you Grin

emy72 · 30/12/2010 18:03

Well when people like the Queen and the Prime Minister are having 4 children then why is it that it is us mere mortals who have to worry about overpopulation I wonder?

If overcrowding was a problem should our leaders not be setting an example?

Or is it ok for the rich and famous to reproduce whilst not so for the hoipolloi, even if they can feed them and look after them?

Just a thought.

mrmagoo · 30/12/2010 18:14

Large family advocates never seem to get the point about carbon footprints - your family of little children may be raised as lentil-eating walk-everywhere non-fliers, but when they grow up each one will have their own household, car, foreign holidays etc.

And as for needing workers to support an aging population, what happens when the children bred with this in mind get old? We'll need to indefinitely increase the birthrate to keep up which is plainly silly.

SkyBluePearl · 30/12/2010 18:25

most people i know have between 1 and 4 kids. All well loved and not living off the state. Seems very normal to me to be honest but only do it if you can give them each enough attention. I was one of 4 and my parents struggled to do this.

mamatomany · 30/12/2010 18:43

What happens when the children bred with this in mind get old? We'll need to indefinitely increase the birthrate to keep up which is plainly silly.

It's how the ponzi scheme works, we need new blood at the bottom of the pyramid scheme to keep those at the top in the style of which they've become accustomed to.

mrmagoo · 30/12/2010 19:11

Exactly, mamatomany. And Ponzi schemes are impossible to maintain indefinitely see eg Madoff's investment scheme.

spidookly · 30/12/2010 19:21

What is "enough" attention?

TheFeministParent · 30/12/2010 19:23

I have four, it's lovely. More lovely for them of course, especially when they're older...

working9while5 · 30/12/2010 19:23

I was an only child until I was 7. Shortly after my sister was born, my aunt's marriage broke down and she moved in with us - so I went from a family where I was Numero Uno to one of 4: 7, 5, 3 and 1. My aunt buggered off, too.. so my cousins effectively became my siblings. For me, despite the fact it was a HUGE adjustment, I think that being in a family of four was much better for me than being a molly-coddled, risk averse, overly adult only child. I think it was the making of me to NOT have constant opportunities to hold court with adults and have to learn to share, negotiate, compromise, sacrifice; experience unfairness and benign neglect.

Frankly, I'm a bit confused when people talk about children in families of four "not having enough attention". Why do children need endless "attention" these days? What is this attention? Mummy and daddy sitting around sharing feelings all the time? Since when was that real life? Why isn't just being together in the same space and doing things together enough?

TheFeministParent · 30/12/2010 19:25

LondonMother Wed 29-Dec-10 10:42:51

How can you talk of over population and have any children at all?

LondonMother · 31/12/2010 10:38

Well, first, I wouldn't claim to be without any taint of hypocrisy on anything, but second, my husband and I have only two children. Replacement rate. It would obviously be silly to argue that no one should have any children, I'm just saying that there's a lot to be said for keeping family size down.

whoneedssleepanyway · 01/01/2011 11:13

jinglebelly - it is like anything, if people can't imagine doing it themselves they will get all judgemental, you just have to read any of the threads on AIBU to see that it is v rare that people agree on everything. For all the people out there who say NO WAY to 4 kids there will be loads who are like it is brilliant.

I have 2 very good friends who were both only children and they are both adament that they will have big families as whilst they got one on one attention from their parents, it was also quite lonely for them in some ways.

There are pros and cons to everything Grin

Lilka · 01/01/2011 14:18

I am one of four and after adopting three I am trying concieve a fourth - i am very excited and four is a great number! Being one of four was great for me growing up although we fought a fair but (lots!!) we still lean on each other for support. Mine are now 24, 14 and 5 (unfortunately me and my sibs are quite a bit older Grin )