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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want four children?

129 replies

jinglebelly · 28/12/2010 21:00

DH and I have 3 DC and have always wanted a big family. Despite being in the position to afford four DC whenever I mention having another one people (even family) seem to roll their eyes and think we are mad/stupid

OP posts:
cupcakebakerer · 28/12/2010 22:49

Starexpat that story conjured such a wonderful, colourful image! I can just imagine this slightly overweight lady with rollers in her hair screaming that it's time for dinner!! In all seriousness though it is nice to have some honesty and that's what I like about mumsnet. People feel like they can be honest :)

rudolpherina · 28/12/2010 22:53

If i had any more than 5 I would be that lady! Im teetering on the brink

cupcakebakerer · 28/12/2010 22:55

Hee hee! Best get your rollers in :)

StarExpat · 28/12/2010 22:59

Cupcake she's 5ft 3inches tall and approx 100 lbs. I'm not kidding. US size 0-2 all her life and still is. She always had herself all made up hair make up...etc even in early days of a new baby. Just to help paint your pic a bit more Grin

cupcakebakerer · 28/12/2010 23:20

Oooh I have a modified image now Star - did she call people 'honey' a lot and have her nails done?

I also have another likely-to-be-very-unpopular theory about having lots of children...the maternity leave!! Right, going to sleep now in preparation for interesting reading in the morning!

StarExpat · 28/12/2010 23:24

She did say "honey" a lot but muchore vile words to her own dc :( the non-babies, of course. Anyone under 2 was golden.

violethill · 28/12/2010 23:26

Oooh you're after a flaming!!

I doubt the maternity leave issue is that significant , because parents with really big families are less likely to be working because the childcare costs so damn much!!

Certainly out of my (admittedly amateur) polls as a teacher, the kids in my classes who are from large families seem to be more likely to have a parent not working

Imarriedafrog · 28/12/2010 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefurryone · 28/12/2010 23:37

YABU there are already far too many people in the world for the resources available and anyone who chooses to do more than replace themselves (i.e. have more than two children) is being incredibly selfish.

Of course this view is incredibly unpopular with most people as generally most people are incredibly selfish. Over large families actually really annoy me but I know it's a sensitive subject so I do try to keep this view to myself but as you asked in AIBU I thought I'd take this opportunity to get it off my chest.

NadiaWadia · 29/12/2010 02:17

Agree with the furry one - when I see people with more than 2/3 kids I always want to say to them 'What on earth do you imagine is so wonderful about YOUR genes that you have to enrich the world with them so many times over". If you want more kids, there are plenty out there waiting to be adopted or fostered.

Kids in big families just don't get enough individual attention either.

NadiaWadia · 29/12/2010 02:20

I know some people might find IABU, but it is late, this is what I've always thought to myself, and what the hell.

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2010 08:35

We want 4. Only the one at the mo so a way to go! Happy whatever though.

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2010 08:39

Oh, and DH is one of 4 and that is part of our reasoning. He loved his childhood and they are all still very close. Some may struggle, not all do. I think you know when you reach your limit though, we might change our minds before we get there!

IngridFletcher · 29/12/2010 08:42

I think that when people reach the limit of how many children they want (for me 3) any more does seem a bit bonkers. They are wrong to let you know that though.

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2010 08:44

Oh,and a few members of my family have had no children and won't, can I have their quota? Wink

And yes Cupcake, I bet there are loads of people who make the lifelong commitment to have more children just to get the 6 to 9 months of statutory (or slightly better in some cases) maternity pay they are entitled to. Sounds like an awesome deal.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 29/12/2010 08:45

YABU

To let anyone elses opinon bother you!

ZZZenAgain · 29/12/2010 08:45

I don't think having 4 dc = having a particularly large family. Can't see any problem with it if you have the space to accommodate everyone the way you want to and you can manage the type of lifestyle you want on the income you have. I can imagine it gets very expensive when you need expensive orthodontal treatment, want to go abroad on holidays , have to pay 4 x university fees etc but on a day to day basis, bringing up 4 children, why not?

I wouldn't fancy the ironing part of it tbh

goingroundthebend4 · 29/12/2010 08:51

i have 4 though do have a reasonable gap so in twos ds1(16ds2 14 then have dd7 and ds3 5 yes its chaos somedays yes i do need to balance two differnt age groups but they do get on all very well and i make sure they all get some time on their own.

But i do love it , though there wont be any more even if met someone new im 37 my baby days are done though am happy and would prfer that anyone new already had dc

ZZZenAgain · 29/12/2010 08:59

are you on your own now with the 4 dc?

That would be hard.

gorionine · 29/12/2010 09:04

We have four, 4 of my neighbours have four too and one has 5! our street is very proud of its genes!Xmas Grin

goingroundthebend4 · 29/12/2010 09:11

yes im on my own with the 4dc ever since marriage broke down when ds3 was 1 when it beam eobvious he was disabled .xh could not cope.

But to be fair I don,t find it to hard all the dc are pretty good .We go out to theme parks and d1 and ds2 go of do own thing in morning then after lunch will help with rides with little 2 .Im very proud of all my dc an dhow the behave and often other people mention it .

Ds2 is the one i make sure has the extra time as would be very easy for him to miss out .We recentley had fab day at tower of london together he loves museums.

Main thing i say that main thing abou having big family is learn to mange your time

ZZZenAgain · 29/12/2010 09:22

you've been through some tough times then. Cannot understand parents who say they cannot cope with disability. I am sure it is very very hard but you just have to cope, what other option is there? If you had also decided you couldn't cope, what then? So he couldn't cope and left you with a 1 year old disabled child and 3 others. Nice that

goingroundthebend4 · 29/12/2010 09:24

it was 4 years ago so have moved on and found my feet and would not swap any of them , hmm ok maybe at 5am some days i may conside r it but only for a few hrs while i sleep Grin

ZZZenAgain · 29/12/2010 09:25

good for you

OhMylantaHelloSanta · 29/12/2010 09:32

YABU - to me, at any rate. I was one of five, and I always felt that my mother could not give each of us the attention we needed [despite still having at least 2 nannies most times]. I can guess it had a lot to do with wanting a boy after 4 DDs - the country we grew up in, like a lot of others, places a lot of importance on having a male child which she eventually got.

I've always sworn that I would never do that to my own DC. But hey, to each their own ...