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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want four children?

129 replies

jinglebelly · 28/12/2010 21:00

DH and I have 3 DC and have always wanted a big family. Despite being in the position to afford four DC whenever I mention having another one people (even family) seem to roll their eyes and think we are mad/stupid

OP posts:
itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 29/12/2010 09:42

On the overpopluation issue can I say that big families often make a loower carbonfootprint than small families. eg they are less likely to go on planes, there is less liklihood of food wastage in the house etc

Also population is a local and national issue as well as a global one. eg In Scotland there is an under population problem. I think having a large family is the only way to maintain cultures and traditions that I am proud of.

hr100 · 29/12/2010 09:42

I am 1 of 5, we are quite spread out. We are now aged 41 to 26, my Mum had 2 boys and then she had a couple of miscarriages before she had my brother, then me and my sister quite close together.

It was manic when I was little, for a while we only had one bathroom and 3 of us shared a room but it was so much fun and I loved being part of a big family.

My cousin has 4, all under 7 and I think thats hard work but a lot of fun too :)

cupcakebakerer · 29/12/2010 09:44

Oooh I've not been too slaughtered! My point about maternity leave is tenuous but I do know someone who vowed to her hubby that she would go back to work full time as soon as youngest at school - lo and behold their contraception 'failed' that year...husband was livid but it does take two to tango etc. A best friend also freely admits she would love to be a SAHM but the only way she can do it - for a year at least - is to have another child (combined with the fact that she absolutely loved the whole experience of her first). I don't think it's that unusual. Personally it doesn't sway me as love my job.

Someone made the point about having 2/3 then adopting which I though was an excellent one.

girlsyearapart · 29/12/2010 10:03

We are also ttc #4 so Yanbu..
Have also had the eye rolling when people ask if we d like any more (wonder why they ask when they seem so sure of the answer ??)
zzen I don't iron Grin

Original poster
jinglebelly · 29/12/2010 10:12

Just on the carbon footprint issue, if you own a dog you have a larger carbon footprint than if you own 2 4x4's due to the amount of meat they consume. My brother had a lecture on it at uni last week.

OP posts:
whoneedssleepanyway · 29/12/2010 10:19

why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

LondonMother · 29/12/2010 10:42

Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Because we live in a very crowded planet and what each of us does has an impact on everyone else. In the UK most people with large families will be getting a lot of help from the state for their children's education, health care, child benefit, child tax credits, extra costs arising from increased refuse to collect and dispose of, extra use of roads and public transport, etc etc. The money to pay for all of that comes from the rest of us.

So from a financial as well as an environmental point of view, yes, you are being unreasonable. Two children is plenty for any family.

tallulah · 29/12/2010 10:48

violethill I have 5 DCs and have always worked.

violethill · 29/12/2010 10:51

Are you Xenia?!

Seriously, of course there are some families with larger families with working parents, but my point was really in response to the one that suggested a woman might be tempted to have more children simply for the maternity leave. I think that's unlikely, because childcare costs often outweigh earning power after just a couple of children for many women. Certainly among the pupils I teach, the general rule seems to be that the larger families have a parent not in work.

I have known women who have more children to avoid moving on and getting back into the workplace, but I genuinely don't think I've known anyone who has had another baby simply for the Maternity Leave.

rudolpherina · 29/12/2010 10:56

Ok so people are saying about dc in big families not getting individual attention. Well answer me this, how come its all the only children who are always a little bit weird? Seriously does anyone know an only child who isnt just a tad odd?

Bonsoir · 29/12/2010 10:58

4+ children are a definite status symbol for certain segments of society here in France and I know plenty of families of four or more. One of my sister's SILs is expecting no 5 shortly - and she has always worked FT, including expat stints in Brazil and India. Her DCs eat a lot of frozen food and don't see much of their parents, however.

I think that the jump in costs between 3 and 4 DCs is massive - much bigger than you might imagine. Standard cars have three, not four, spaces in the back; hotel rooms will take 3 DCs, not four; if you have three DCs of one sex and one of the other, can you really contemplate having 3 DCs share a bedroom? Etc.

violethill · 29/12/2010 10:58

Yes, I know quite a few who aren't odd at all. I teach quite a few only children who are bright, charming and perfectly well adjusted.

What an odd view Hmm

violethill · 29/12/2010 10:58

(in response to rudolph)

Original poster
jinglebelly · 29/12/2010 11:03

rudolpherina - thinking about it, most of my friends at school who were only children were a bit odd, maybe that's a coincidence?!

OP posts:
Imarriedafrog · 29/12/2010 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imarriedafrog · 29/12/2010 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 29/12/2010 11:08

Imarriedafrog - totally agree, my children also have constant attention from each other, they get along brilliantly and play together all day

OP posts:
themaleworrier · 29/12/2010 11:09

personally I think it's disgraceful to keep on pushing out more children. there are already far too many people on the planet and there should be some responsibility taken not to over-populate the earth any more than is necessary. it's a form of showing off and I do wonder if the urge to keep having children is a manifestation of a lack of success/fulfilment in other areas?

Bonsoir · 29/12/2010 11:12

LOL at themalewarrior. Certainly my DD's class teacher last year (who has since been promoted to head of Y1, Y2, Y3 Hmm) had a stock answer to any challenge to her teaching methods/results to which she had no real reply:
"I have brought up four children."

Said teacher has a massive chip on her shoulder versus parents.

LondonMother · 29/12/2010 11:12

My husband is an only child and he is a good deal less odd than I am (one of two). The most selfish, self-absorbed person I know is one of three children.

Original poster
jinglebelly · 29/12/2010 11:13

Who is to say that fulfilment from a career/other area is somehow 'better' than fulfilment from having a family? Can you not have both?
I don't think 4 is an unreasonable amount of children to have 'pushed out'

OP posts:
Imarriedafrog · 29/12/2010 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LondonMother · 29/12/2010 11:13

Isn't there a strong incentive to have big families in France in the form of tax breaks?

cupcakebakerer · 29/12/2010 11:16

Rudolph - my hubby is an only child and he has some odd ways but is not odd overall!! It seems whatever your choice you are going to be judged. I'm already waiting for the 'so when are you trying for your next,' question...

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 29/12/2010 11:19

london- but what about step-families? I have 2 but DP only has 1 child. How do you square that circle?

Also we need extra young people to pay all the taxes to keep us in our old age and pay off all this debt. Population growth= economic growth= us all getting richer.