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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 10 children

233 replies

Sapphire2012 · 24/12/2010 14:42

Hello waves I'm new around here. I'm Kirsty, mum to 10 lovely children. I'm curious as to what you honestly think of people with lots of children. I am not on any benefits and their child benefit goes into their savings accounts. (I hope this doesnt sound like I am bragging, I just hate when people assume we are scroungers, this is most definately not the case)

OP posts:
amijee · 27/12/2010 09:30

"If you generalize and compare a large third world family with a filthy rich, say American family..."

Quint, I'm sorry but that statement is uncalled for. You have filthy rich all over the world so please stop stereotyping.

scoobytoo · 27/12/2010 09:33

But Americans do drive far more than most other western nations and consume more. It's not generalising so much as fact.

scoobytoo · 27/12/2010 09:38

Oil consumption by country

1 United States: 20,680,000 bbl/day 2007

3 China: 7,578,000 bbl/day 2007

4 Japan: 5,007,000 bbl/day 2007

5 Russia: 2,858,000 bbl/day 2007

6 India: 2,722,000 bbl/day 2007

7 Germany: 2,456,000 bbl/day 2007

8 Brazil: 2,372,000 bbl/day 2007

9 Canada: 2,371,000 bbl/day 2007

altinkum · 27/12/2010 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DreamingofFour · 27/12/2010 09:43

Ten sounds fantastic to me!

amijee · 27/12/2010 09:49

Scooby too - if you were a person living in the country in the UK, I doubt you would catch public transport or walk anywhere.

It all comes down to individual lifestyles so generalising does not help.

scoobytoo · 27/12/2010 09:58

I do agree with you Amijee, generalising doesn't help.

My main point about the OP is the claim that she does not get benefits, this is untrue. Unless her children go to private school and have private healthcare the family do benefit from society financially. There is no way the family pay enough in tax to fully fund the free education etc they will recieve from society. I think there is a moral obligation not to put extra strain on society by having 10 kids even if you are working. Her choice to have so many children is effectively being funded by those who choose or can't have so many or any children. Personally I think that is wrong.

I don't think paying tax and recieving free services should be a zero sum game and I totally believe in the welfare state but I think we have a moral obligation to each other not to become a burden to others. Have 10 children is a burden on others.

cupcakebakerer · 27/12/2010 10:30

Can I be very mischievous and ask whether you have so many children because you like being pregnant and in some way see that as entwined in your identity - as well as liking the excitement cute new babies bring? (I am prepared for a roasting here). I know you say your children can come to you whenever they have something troubling them but I don't think that's the point - I want my child/children to have my undivided attention and emotional investment. It's nothing to do with money, if you can fund it then fine. But it would be physically impossible to give ten children the same amount of attention as it would one, two it three. As I said earlier my mum is one if 11 so I do have some reference of this...

amijee · 27/12/2010 11:02

scoobytoo - i made this point in an ealier post having seen a program on it.

cupcake - i mentioned the identity thing as well. I really miss mine since having kids!

cupcakebakerer · 27/12/2010 11:11

Hi amijee - do you mean you miss being pregnant?

cupcakebakerer · 27/12/2010 11:16

Oh no sorry I'm being an idiot - you mean you miss your identity?

I know someone that seemingly gets pregnant as soon as a friend/relative falls pregnant - almost like she can't stand watching someone else go through the joy of it and not being pregnant herself! It is exciting but you have to think of your existing children, not your wants and needs. I'm not suggesting that's what's going on here though.

noeyedear · 27/12/2010 11:29

I agree with Cupcake but was trying to be as articulate! To add to the resource issues of 10 children now is the added issue of having 10 ( or more likely 11) pensioners who may or may not be higher rate taxpayers able to support them in their old age. It is a short term view to say we need to have lots of children to support todays pensioners, because it turns into a vicious circle, where the children then become pensioners that need to be supported. If my 2 children have 2 children, I will have 4 grandchildren. If the OP's children each have 2 children, she will have 22 grandchildren. I disagree that the environmental issue is a red herring. If the people having large families was balanced out by high death rates and people not having children, the global population would not be rising. I get the point about oil etc, but it is people who use these resources and the more people we have, the more these resources will be used. China uses up resources mainly to provide cheap goods for the West, not wholly for themselves. It is unreasonable to say "I can be irresponsible because other people will be responsible instead"!

amijee · 27/12/2010 11:34

yes - cupcake i meant i miss my identity. Going on lots of nights out with single friends, theatre, dinner, reading newspapers on a sunday morning!

Our social life now is based around kids stuff - purely because it's an easier life when the kids are happy.

Admittedly, I had kids late in life and had done a lot before hand. I think the OP started at 20. I think this has a lot to do with it as she can't really have a career to speak of ( but I may be wrong Wink)

TheSecondComing · 27/12/2010 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 27/12/2010 12:32

But how much do grandparents really help?

Grandparents should not be the unpaid skivvies of selfish women who loves to procreate just because they can. No doubt some will continue to produce kids because they are in love with pregnancy and the early baby stage, for as long as they can. It is a mindset. I think only personal fulfilment in other areas of life, our counselling might help.

cashmygold · 27/12/2010 12:47

Do you have a tv?

TheSecondComing · 27/12/2010 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tyler80 · 27/12/2010 13:37

I think a lot can depend on the age gaps of the children. For example, my mum was one of 8 but there were 25 years between the oldest and the youngest, so for her as a child there were never 8 children in the household at any one time if you see what I mean.

kittywise · 27/12/2010 13:40

Well I only have 6. I desperately wanted more, I think I could have gone on forever. But I realised that there was no way I could parent any more children in the way I wanted. It would have been fair on the children I already had IMO. Most of them really want me to have more, but they could not understand the impact it would have on their lives
Op your kids my be able to come to you whenever they need you, but with 10 children there isn't the time for quality interaction and being able to go to a sibling is not the same as going to your mother. That is a fact. If you are spreading yourself out amongst 10 they will have less time than if you spreading yourself out amongst 2.
I am not making judgments about where to draw the line, heaven knows I have agonised over it myself often enough. But to deny that is no negative impact on a child who has to share his mother with umpteen siblings is simply burying your head in the sand . All I can hope for in x years time is that my kids that the positive outweighed the negative for them. Only time will tell though.
I am not saying your kids don't have a good life, I don't know you, but you having 10/11 children will impact on your children's lives.

EmmaBemma · 27/12/2010 13:41

My mum is one of ten - she's from an Irish Catholic family. She'd probably think you're bonkers - my granny had fourteen pregnancies in all and they didn't do her health much good - but they're a lovely close family and all look out for each other. I don't think any of my uncles and aunts felt they missed out on maternal/paternal love and attention by being part of a large family, but on the downside, money was very tight.

MrsWeasley · 27/12/2010 14:56

amijee: Can't speak for OP but wanted to add that my 4 kids rarely get ill at the same time, the only "bug" they shared was Chicken Pox when they were tiny. (touching wood as I type)

cashmygold: HaHaHaHa So funny! Wink

FellatioNelson · 27/12/2010 15:56

Just want to add that there are plenty of dirt poor Americans as well as stinking rich ones....

raspberryroo · 27/12/2010 16:12

I have 3 wanted 4 - now after much reading, I think I should have had only 1 or 2 max. Reducing the population is the only real long term way of saving the planet.

dementedma · 27/12/2010 16:13

love this post and good on you OP if that's what floats your boat.
Just wish I had an 8 bedroomed house, 2 people carriers AND a minibus and could consider myself not to be rich Grin

SummerRain · 27/12/2010 16:32

I had a friend who was one of 14.

He barely knew his oldest siblings, said they were like distant relatives and he moved out of home at 18 so had little contact with the younger ones after that.

He once commented 'I think my mother just liked being pregnant' which probably says a lot about how much time she gave to them once they got older.

A woman i know has 6... she's obsessed with babies. When her second youngest was 9 months old I had ds2 and when she saw him she looked at her baby and said 'Oh [dc], you're not a baby anymore... I have no more babies Sad'.... two months later she was pregnant again Hmm

Sapphire.... I think everyone is entitled to their own choices regarding family size but i find it hard to believe that a child of 10/11/12... however many you end up with, has the same quality of parenting as one of 2/3/4 or even 5 children as it is simply not possible to stretch yourself that far.