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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 10 children

233 replies

Sapphire2012 · 24/12/2010 14:42

Hello waves I'm new around here. I'm Kirsty, mum to 10 lovely children. I'm curious as to what you honestly think of people with lots of children. I am not on any benefits and their child benefit goes into their savings accounts. (I hope this doesnt sound like I am bragging, I just hate when people assume we are scroungers, this is most definately not the case)

OP posts:
blueshoes · 26/12/2010 11:50

Iloveit, I was addressing the benefits point (not very clearly). People who fall on hard times could have chosen to have their dcs but still rely on benefits, which is acceptable as that is what the benefits safety net is for. What is not acceptable is people who choose to have children knowing they cannot afford them without state benefit.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 11:51

ah right, thank you. don't know what was wrong with me i couldn't get my head round that one!! Grin

TheSecondComing · 26/12/2010 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deaddei · 26/12/2010 11:59

dh is one of 9 and hated it.
They are the most dysfunctional family I have ever come across.

HappyMummyOfOne · 26/12/2010 12:27

I dont think blueshoes means that only the rich should have children but it is morally wrong to have children whilst on benefits knowing that you are not supporting them but that the state/tax payers are. Until the government change it, people will abuse the system though.

Having seen the OP's last few posts it does seem sad that the children are only mentioned as getting one to one time if something is troubling them. Children should get one to one time daily, time to do what interests them and the chance to be a child. In most large families I know the elder ones tend to end up looking after the younger ones and missing a great deal of their childhood.

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2010 12:32

people still have children knowing they will get help from child benefit and tax credits tho,wether they work or not!!

that is also wrong then

juuule · 26/12/2010 13:55

Sapphire you may not have a million but I'd hazard a guess you are definitely "not short of a few bob" .

"Perhaps if we sold the house and the cars we would be rich.......but then we would be living on the streets and walking everywhere!"

Not necessarily.

We have 9 children and could not afford an 8 bed house let alone 2 7-seaters and a minibus. We did consider a minibus at one point but found the insurance for a vehicle with over 9 seats out of our reach. So we have a 5-seater car and if we all travel together we either have to do 2 trips or if it's longer distances some go by car and some go by public transport.

"(though what defines rich? We certainly don't have £1m which is what I define as rich),"

Obviously, it's all relative and to some people it might be that my family has a car at all puts us in the 'well-off' bracket and if your standard for being rich is having £1m in spare cash then I suppose you are not rich at all.

MumNWLondon · 26/12/2010 14:14

I still think each to their own, but I still can't see how its possible to give each child parental attention on a regular basis. I have 3 children and its hard to give each one time. I think its inevitable that the older children end up caring for the little ones.

Perhaps possible if you have full time cook/cleaner so that you as a parent don't have to cook or clean.

In terms of taking 10 children out of your own, well if they are all under 12 I am just not sure its even safe, ratios like that are not allowed for school trips etc for good reason.

amijee · 26/12/2010 14:18

I saw a program once that said irrespective of tax credits etc people with loads of kids take more from society than they put in.

This was because the amount spent on each child's education/health etc was more than an average taxpayer could make.

It quite surprised me as my dad was on a low wage but we didn't have any benefits in those days ( apart from cb)so I thought our family were self sufficient.

Having said that, all of us kids are now 40% tax payers so we are contributing more than average now.

altinkum · 26/12/2010 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 26/12/2010 14:37

BFing isn't the most reliable form of contraception though. One of my friends has a DS 2.4, DD1 14 months and DD2 2 months. BFed all 3 of them and strict Catholics so no contraception. I can see how, in theory, at that rate she might end up with 10 aged 12 and under....

Another friend with 5 seems to manage to give them all individual attention, even when her DH is away so I figure it must be possible, but probably most challenging when they're small and need constant feeding/changing/removing from danger.

OP and anyone else with many, many children I salute you - I feel knackered at 24 weeks with DC1, the idea of being pregnant and having another, let alone 10, to look after fills me with dread. In fact I'm tired just thinking about it so I might go back to bed for a nap..

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 14:41

amijee based on that theory then most people would be taking more from the system than they pay in. how is that relevant only to large families?

amijee · 26/12/2010 17:24

Apparently it's because the more kids you have, the more you are taking from a system as there is only so much you can actually pay in a life time of taxes.

I don't for one minute think this is a reason to not have lots of kids because part of living in a society is to contribute to that society as a whole and not just look at what you give and take etc. And, as i have mentioned earlier, I am one of 9.

But the program did make me think, though, because I was always of the opinion that my large family wasn't a burden to society as my dad worked all hours in order to provide for us and we didn't receive any kind of benefit from the state except CB.

Also, as far as one to one is concerned, I got a lot of that from siblings rather than my parents. At the time, I don't think I felt I was missing out at all. Now, however, I am not close to my mum at all and cannot talk to her about anything deep as I have never had that type of relationship with her. I am very close to some of my siblings which is great but obviously not the same.

1944girl · 26/12/2010 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 26/12/2010 17:58

When I grew up I had a friend, she was one of 16, the youngest.

She hated it. She never felt she had enough time with her parents. There were older siblings who were better at demanding attention, were going through secondary school and had more important issues like her primary school issues. Their exams and school plays were more important than hers, and many times these events were colliding, and nobody turned up to events for some of the siblings.

When she was 17 she told me, she had so many nephews and nieces, she had given up on buying them presents, and she couldn't care less who they were and what their names were. Christmas presents? You got to be kidding, Birthday presents? Dream on.

And her parents? Her mum could not even remember all the names of the grandchildren. Her family, siblings and spouses and their offspring had never met up together in one location EVER. She did not feel close to ANY of her siblings. She said they were so many she might as well have been an orphan.

But maybe her case is extreme....

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 18:07

but amijee, all those children will most likely be paying back into society, some maybe higher tax payers aswell.

amijee · 26/12/2010 18:10

Of course - my siblings and I are all higher rate tax payers. But if we all have more than 1 or 2 kids ( as we do) then the debt goes on, so to speak. Does that make sense?

I wish I could remember the name of the program because I'm sure it would explain it better.

MollieO · 26/12/2010 18:13

10 dcs is one thing but having 6 who are 5 and under just makes me feel exhausted at reading that!

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 26/12/2010 18:15

I think the Chinese are wise to restrict amount of children born to each couple. Imagine Britain in 20-30 years if suddenly 5-10 children per couple was the norm. The population would more than double. The amount of taxes gained from each potential high earner is hardly making up for the cost of services and benefits, building of schools and feeding a booming population. Then, in 70 years from now, how do you care for such a big population of elderly people?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 18:15

yes but if you don't all go on to have any dcs then who pays for your care when you are elderly? who pays your pension and your hospital care? ( i mean NHS but obviously we all pay this in our taxes)

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 26/12/2010 18:16

There is of course a middle ground between having families of between 4 and 10 children, and no children.

Ormirian · 26/12/2010 18:31

Up to you.

I couldn't bear the thought of it personally. And I don't think it makes you some kind of saint but if it's what you want and you earn enough to keep your family comfortable it isn't anyone else's business.

PlanetEarth · 26/12/2010 19:15

Well I have no personal experience of big families. However, financial/environmental issues aside, it does seem from other posters that most children who come from big families hated it. In fact, were there any posters brought up in big families who would recommend it? OK, just skimmed back and found one or two, but they seem to be vastly outweighed by the negative experiences...

maktaitai · 26/12/2010 19:27

ILoveIt, given that the world population is now well over 6 billion I think we're a way away from panicking over there being no humans left, especially as other countries kindly lend us their adults of working age to come here and pay our taxes for us.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 19:30

yes, aslong as there is some poor country to help us out that is ok then isn't it?

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