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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have 10 children

233 replies

Sapphire2012 · 24/12/2010 14:42

Hello waves I'm new around here. I'm Kirsty, mum to 10 lovely children. I'm curious as to what you honestly think of people with lots of children. I am not on any benefits and their child benefit goes into their savings accounts. (I hope this doesnt sound like I am bragging, I just hate when people assume we are scroungers, this is most definately not the case)

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 25/12/2010 23:54

nothing defensive about her post OKcomputer. she answered all your questions and shared her opinion on smaller families as you did yours on her family.

Sapphire2012 · 26/12/2010 07:07

Wow. Based on the fact people are now accusing me of being a troll, I will no longer be posting here.

OP posts:
strandedatseasonsgreetings · 26/12/2010 07:28

I don't think the environmental argument is lame at all. Just have a look at the Optimum Population Trust website if you want some more information. According to them, if couples had two children instead of three, they could cut their family?s carbon dioxide output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York. With 10 children, that's a LOT of flights.

I think it's easy just to dismiss environmental concerns - but no-one "needs" 10 children and in this day and age it is simply a selfish act.

MickyLee · 26/12/2010 07:37

sapphire Don't say that. I would love to read more posts :)

HelloOutThere · 26/12/2010 07:58

Sapphire- you have had lots of supportive postings too! Dont take on so hinny

cupcakebakerer · 26/12/2010 08:56

You actually asked for people's opinions on your life and as they are not ALL positive you take a huff? Did you just want people to congratulate you then?

amijee · 26/12/2010 09:06

Actually she is upset at being thought of as a troll.

Personally, I think it's a compliment that people are so amazed they think it's made up!

I would love to hear from you again sapphire. I think we could all learn a lot from you Wink

chocolatespread · 26/12/2010 09:08

Aw, come back. Your family sound lovely and I think most of us took you for genuine.

Greenshadow · 26/12/2010 09:17

Sapphire, How about changing your name and coming back to MN but avoiding AIBU?
Sounds like you have a lot of experience to pass on to other parents.

Unfortunately it would have been wiser (with hindsight and experience of how AIBU works) to have started posting on other categories.

And, for what it's worth - I think you got off incredibly lightly compared to many on AIBU (I would have loved to post an honest reply, but didn't like to offend....).

Please reconsider.

MumNWLondon · 26/12/2010 09:18

I only says I could decide if it was a troll or not, because I found it so hard to believe it could be true - ie sometime having 10 children, esp when the age gaps so small.

I have a few very religious friends who don't use birth control at all, but using BFing have managed to space out births to an average of almost 2 year intervals.

Also the comments about not being rich, when the OP said they had a 8 bed house, plus 15 seat minibus & 2 espaces. If money was tight at all they would have the minibus or the espaces.

Sapphire2012 · 26/12/2010 09:53

We are not rich, but we are comfortable. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband with a good job. Perhaps if we sold the house and the cars we would be rich (though what defines rich? We certainly don't have £1m which is what I define as rich), but then we would be living on the streets and walking everywhere! We probably have the same amount of money spare each month that everybody else does, because we spend more on food, household bills etc.

I am sick to death of people (not just mumsnet members, everybody we meet) saying we must be rich, surely we can't give attention to our children, we can't do this, we can't do that.

Do you really think my children don't get attention?? Hello, they have 9 brothers and sisters each! Every single one of my children knows that they can come to be at any given moment and talk to me about anything that is troubling them, and every single one of them knows that sometimes I might need to give one of them more attention than the others, but that nobody is more special that the others. I love each and every one of my children and they damn well know that.

For those people who wonder how I get time to be on the computer, I'm currently on my laptop in the playroom. When I am on the computer, it's is very rare that I am alone, that I don't have a child asking me what I'm doing and can they plase, oh please mummy, play on the cbeebies website.

OP posts:
Sapphire2012 · 26/12/2010 09:56

Oh and as for the samell age gaps, I don't WANT large age gaps! I love having my children so close together, and they love it too.

It's cheaper as well! They share toys, they (sometimes) share clothes (although I'm very anal about that and do not like hand-me-downs, which is why I shop at primark). I also have amazing parents who love buying toys and clothes for the children.

I also have an amazing, loving, fantastic husband who does more than most men do around the house.

OP posts:
JustKeepSnowing · 26/12/2010 09:59

Sapphire - I say go for it :)

I too am incredible fascinated by large families, i'm one of 4 and would like to have 4 DC myself, but am drawn to stories about bigger families.

Can you satisfy my numbers curiosity and list the gaps for me? eg so far i have:

DS1
DS2 (20months gap)
DC3 (3yrs3months gap according to EDD)

And congrats on BFP, hope it's a sticky one :)

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2010 10:02

I'll judge you. It's unreasonable - just WAAY too many, for all sorts of reasons which I'm sure you already know.

christmaswrapping · 26/12/2010 10:02

Sapphire2012 I always wanted a big family but unfortunately my body wouldn't allow it.

However, my dad is one of 10, and his negative experience was, that in reality his parents loved children, and when the older ones (he was 3rd eldest) grew up, they were effectively no longer wanted. He moved out when he was 16, as did all the children, bar the last, who as he was the last was seen as the baby of the family for ever more. But I see this as bad on his parents, not as in bad for being one of 10.

The only thing I would say based on your posts, is that you have had negative comments said to you in the street. IME the only time people comment in the streets negatively is if the children are not under control, whether that be running around, being noisy, bein inappropriate. I say this as someone who regularly takes out my friend's 4 with mine, and although they are similar ages, they look very similar but also look like they have 2 year age gap between each, with mine mingled in between, and I either have no comments, or only positive comments, about beautifully behaved children, and how well I've done to raise them all to be so courteous etc (my friend and I laugh when I tell her as we of course know that this is most definitely not the case all the time).

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2010 10:06

you don't like hand me downs??

but buy from primark instead. false economy there.....i have 5 dc and have always found buying better quality stuff,for a little more money (and primark has actually become alot less cheap than it used to be)means the clothes look better and stay in better condition,unlike primark. so a used 'hand me down' looks lot better than a washed 3 times garment from primark!!

Sapphire2012 · 26/12/2010 10:11

JustKeepSnowing, thank you!

My children are:
Amelia (11, 12 next month)
Laura (10, born in May 2000)
Noah (8, born March 2002)
Lily (7, born August 2003)
Bryce (5, born July 2005)
Hailey & Melissa (3, born April 2007)
Alfie (2, born August 2008)
Daisy (18 months, born June 2009)
Heidi (7 months, born May 2010)

OP posts:
blueshoes · 26/12/2010 10:14

OP, from your explanations, you seem to occupy that minority of families where having so many dcs could actually work for all concerned.

I would be inclined to think that it would not in most cases - there would be some form of neglect, living on the state, more than one father etc. My first instinct is not to approve and to go "Why??"

nappyaddict · 26/12/2010 10:40

Sapphire What is the NFP method?

Do you work?

Did you breastfeed them all and for how long?

There is a poster on here called narkymum who you might like to chat to. She has 10 DC (8 living at home) and 1 grandchild.

Also out of interest why did you post in AIBU after already posting in larger families. Think you would have been safer staying in there or going on chat if you wanted more responses :)

marypoppins I don't see why she should put a photo online of her kids when she doesn't want to just to prove to some people who don't believe she is for real. It's unusual to have 10 kids but not impossible! I would be upset at being called a troll too if it wasn't true.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 10:40

OP, it mightn't be wise to have your dcs' names posted here. many posters like to google and see what they can dig up about you. the less info you give the less there is to find out about you. also. your older dcs may not appreciate having their names being on here.

snowysunchild · 26/12/2010 10:57

I agree with Boo, Most of us on here are lovely, but be really careful sharing too much personal information.. Thousands use MN :)

TheSecondComing · 26/12/2010 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amijee · 26/12/2010 11:12

sapphire - I am in awe of you even though my mum had 9 kids! I think it's cos we were much more spaced out due to breast feeding and also in that era mums were not expected to do all the things that we are expected to do now. ( and we coudn't afford to do anything)

blueshoes · 26/12/2010 11:37

TSC, your post just proved my point about neglect. The 3 categories I mentioned were in the alternative. If you still find it offensive, well we will just agree to disagree then.

I am referring to people who choose to have 10 children, rather than those who have fallen on hard times.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 11:43

blueshoes i don't understand your last post.

do you mean you think people who have fallen on hard times don't choose to have their dcs or what. sorry, i really don't get what you are saying. can you clarify it for me please?