Doc told us the sex of the baby - we didn't want to know!!!

[BubbaAndBump]

36 week appt to check the lie of the baby (baby #3) in case an ELC would be needed. During scan, the bloody doctor told us the gender of the baby and we didn't want to know!!!!!!!!!!

I agree totally with MsHighwater.

Some of you are being very harsh and it's really not nice. The OP never said it was the worst thing to hear at a scan she said she was upset/angry/disappointed - and with good reason.

Curlyhaired - she shouldn't have to say she doesn't want to know - that is the fallback position - if a mother wants to know, she can ask. Some hospitals are now refusing to 'sex' the baby due to a high percentage of after 'sexing' scan abortions.

The very least she could/should have done was apologise profusely for spoiling it for you instead of acting like it's no big deal - it is a big deal to you and she should have respected that.

profusely? no no no. It's trivial in the run of things a doctor has to ddo. Annoying for the op possibly but really not important.

This happened to us as well. We felt that it was still a surprise as we hadn't expected to find out when we did! After that we enjoyed talking to him, giving him his name and daydreaming about what he might be like...

I loved knowing and would defo find out next time.

I'm really sorry if I've offended those of you who have had bad news at scans, and I'm not oblivious to it all - I posted possibly a bit hastily and was just considering the little (but not trivial to us) fact that we had not wanted to know (it does say in our notes but I didn't mention it at the scan as the purpose of the scan was to check the lie of the baby and I didn't think for one minute she might tell us). I am genuinely not trying to compare the news we were given with anything more serious, and yes, of course it is just a 50/50 anyway, but I still wish I didn't know.

I really hope those of you who have had bad news in the past get some better news in the future.

Thank you to those who understand what my (rather selfish, admittedly) reason was for posting in the first place :)

When you have your baby, you'll find that it rally doesn't matter that urns out what sex it is. I saw DS2 was a boy at a 37 week scan - it was absolutely clear and i was gutted. However, it was all forgotten when i had him, it made no difference that I knew he was a boy he was still wonderful and a surprise when i looked at him for the first time.

I found out with DD by choice. Her labour was the shortest and easiest by far and her arrival was no less wonderful for having known she was a girl. :)

YANBU to be a bit annoyed, my midwife knew I didnt want to know and then said that I must be havign a girl because she could tell from the heart beat! Cheers! And she was right ... I was a little annoyed but nothing beats the moment you meet your baby for the first time so be a bit annoyed and then get back to being excited - good luck with the birth.

Don't feel bad about posting, OP - it is entirely reasonable for you to be upset that you have found out by accident when you have gone all this way through pregnancy without knowing.

However, I strongly disagree with those who think that you should write/complain to the hospital.

The doctor's only real role in antenatal care is to ensure that the mother and baby are healthy, and to identify any problems. Anything else is, in the greater scheme of things, trivial. It is not trivial to you and your family and you are quite entitled to feel that it is a big deal, and to post about it here looking for support. However, the second you take that personal disappointment and bring it to the attention of the hospital then you are taking something trivial, irrelevant, and time-wasting into an environment where they deal with major, heart-breaking, life or death decisions and scenarios.

Hope that makes sense - important to you, but not really something that will be, or should be, important to the hospital. And I know you weren't thinking of complaining, OP, but I was surprised to see that others thought you should.

Bubba , I have had bad news at a scan and have not taken offence in the slightest. Just because she may have had to tell someone bad news previously does not excuse her not being professional with you. The only excuse she has is she is only human; we make mistakes. I would expect a heartfelt apology though. Maybe an apology was not forthcoming as she just referred to the baby as he/she but with no reference to the actual gender. (hopefully)

I have not wanted to know about any of my DCs and one Dr nearly let slip. Ours was a definite in the file as we had had an amnio so it was a guaranteed sex determination. She actually covered it up very well as she had boys and said she always referred to babies as boys. Another Dr said "she" and then asked me what it was as they did not know themselves.

I would be pissy if I was you especially as you have got so far. Don't let anyone dismiss your upset, you have every right to be mightily annoyed. I would be. Hopefully they have got it wrong or just always refer to babies by a particular gender. Good luck whichever way you have to deliver your baby.

Of course you have the right to be upset, its taken away the magical moment you had in your head of the three of you together. It wont make it less special, you are not going to turn over and not be interested in seeing the baby as you kow what the sex is already.

Enjoy winding your mum up.

btw dont feel bad I think that some people are more sensitive, in the same way as when they see someone whose pg, I say that with love and respect and a very recent mc myself.

YANBU to be a bit miffed, and for those trying to give the OP a bit of perspective, if everyone stopped posting about things because others had it much worse 98% of mn wouldn't exist!

Thank you LBADG - you've set me off crying though! Best of luck for you and your family in the future x

Good point Iwas

No honestly wasnt a stealth you should be grateful, actaully tto try and make sure no-one jumped on my coments about why others might be more sensitive

OP I genuinely wasn't having a go at you. YANBU! Just a bit surprised by others' comments. Hope everything goes well for you. :)

YANBU - I'd have been really cross as well, it should be protocol to ask at the beginnning of each scan just to double check.

I always made a point of saying as soon as I lay down that I didn't want to know. It's not relevant what the majority of people want to do, each scan is individual.

I don't know if you should complain but I'd probably have mentioned it to the consultant just to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

This was done to me and I am still angry about it nearly eight years later.

Some student sonographer wanted to scan me for practice, and as I was stuck in hospital anyway, I let her.

She commented "Oh he's got lovely long legs, he's going to be a footballer when he grows up!"

I said "What do you mean he? Are you telling me it's a boy?"

And she said " err err errr oh I always say he, it'#s easier"

yeah right love. Nine month's worth of looking forward to finding out when he was born - down the pan. Thanks.

I thought that you were only told if you asked.

OP-perhaps she thought that you already knew?

My DD is due to have a baby on Valentine's day. We all know the baby is a boy and what his name is.

There are numerous gifts for him under my Christmas tree from our large family .

I didn't know that so many people were against knowing the sex of their baby before it was born.

we didn't want to know either wanted the surprise but when you have your baby you will not care. your pee'd off on principle at the moment which i agree with but don't add to your stress

Ahhhh OP, I am 100% in the "Don't find out" camp so I would be genuinely upset is this happened to me : ( That sucks.

I am also a person who does not want to know the sex of my baby and would also feel miffed if I was told and yes I realise there are far worse things to hear in a scan. Things like this make me even more grateful that our health trust does not look for the sex of the baby at all.

I got just over half way and decided to skip the rest so I could reply.

I can understand how you feel. I haven't been there as we had to know the sex due to his side having problems with boys that could need immediate surgery. I've always known anyway what I was having so it was just confirming what we knew.

I've also lost a baby, born very early and died shortly after birth. Do you know what? That's me, not you and I won't hold that against you! It makes me cross when people try to lay that on someone else. Others have it worse, there are others who had it worse than me, but that doesn't lessen what we go through ourselves. Doctors might have come from a bad scan, but you know what? I've had so many doctors speak appallingly to me about my baby so I don't think either way they have much excuse. (of course there are some lovely ones out there, just pointing out that it does both ways)

coldtits just reminded me of my nephew. He is rather well endowed and they had several splutters when the person doing the scan saw him and from the doctor at his birth.

I also didn´t want to know & would have been pissed off.

I´m fairly certain though that the policy was not to tell unless there was a medical reason to do so.

Why do people want t know ? I´ve never understood tbh.

OP, I found out the sex of my baby but that was something my DH and I discussed beforehand and we looked forward to the moment when we would find out. You have been deprived of the anticipation of that particular moment and I can understand why you'd be disappointed.

But, now that it has happened, there are lots of fun things you can do. It was nice to be able to name our DS before he arrived and it helped us to be able to think of him as a little person rather than an anonymous baby. This might be a good thing for your other DCs?

We kept the name a secret and teased our friends/relatives mercilessly by pretending that we'd chosen something ridiculous. We also eventually ran a sweepstake with a list of 5 names and there was a prize for those guessing correctly.

We did lots of shopping too!

At 36 weeks it is your prerogative to be grumpy about anything you want to be, but you can take the sting away and have some fun with this even though it wasn't what you had in mind initially.