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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Doc told us the sex of the baby - we didn't want to know!!!

106 replies

BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 20:15

36 week appt to check the lie of the baby (baby #3) in case an ELC would be needed. During scan, the bloody doctor told us the gender of the baby and we didn't want to know!!!!!!!!!! Xmas Shock Xmas Angry

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 22/12/2010 20:16

I wouldn't worry about it, as soon as he/she is here you'll forget that you found out.

SkyBluePearl · 22/12/2010 20:16

what words did he/she use?

secondbest · 22/12/2010 20:17

Ah that's rubbish! YANBU.

(what are you having btw?)

IAmReallyFabNow · 22/12/2010 20:17

They are not always right and tbh if you need a section knowing the sex in advance won't matter. I can see why you are cross though.

Imarriedafrog · 22/12/2010 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 22/12/2010 20:19

Ah never mind- you have only found out a month early and tbh I think it's quite unuual to not want to know. I'd just leave it, it will pale into insignificance soon I'm sure

EmmaBemma · 22/12/2010 20:20

sometimes they say "he" as default pronoun, not to indicate gender, if that's what the doc said...

swanandduck · 22/12/2010 20:21

YANBU. That was very unfair. However, as long as the baby is healthy I would put it behind you and not let it spoil the experience. Doctor is just a twat.

YuleTideD0G · 22/12/2010 20:21

I would be very cross and upset although I guess theres not anything you can do about it now. Did doc specifically say as at one of my scans sonographer kept saying he even though we didn't want to know and baby was a girl perhaps doctor was saying he/she rather than it?

rubyslippers · 22/12/2010 20:21

Are you sure?

Was he just using he or she as a generic term of reference?

Is it that unusual to not want to know?

I didn't both times

Original poster
BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 20:22

But I didn't want to find out. I know each to their own and all that, but DH and I didn't want to know, and some stupid doctor shouldn't make that decision for us!

I don't see what the ELC (or not) has to do with it IAmFab?

SkyBlue She said - "oh, you're having a .... I see" [!]

Not putting it here secondbest in case friends from RL check this - sorry! We've told our family we now know, but not telling them either.

OP posts:
naturalbaby · 22/12/2010 20:23

gutted! we're expecting dc3 and having a surprise this time, found out with last 2. i keep refering to baby as 'he' cause i've already got 2 boys so it just comes out, and don't like saying 'it'.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 22/12/2010 20:23

It is quite unusual- my dh's aunt is a midwife and says 95% of people really want to know

Original poster
BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 20:23

I know health is important, and hopefully you're right, and this will pale into insignificance. Still mightily miffed.

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 22/12/2010 20:24

That's a shame BubbaAndBump. I didn't want to know what I was having and if a doc had told me I'd have been really angry.

YuleTideD0G · 22/12/2010 20:24

I think it is probably unusual not to know. I didn't find out with all 4 of mine and tbh I would have been devestated had someone ruined the suprise, for me the speculating played a major part in pregnancy and labour and I found it so special to discover the sex and be the first to know.

I didn't mean to sound flippant op saying you can't do anything about it now I would actually write a letter of complaint if I were you

secondbest · 22/12/2010 20:24

Sorry bubba, that was really nosey of me! Completely understand you don't want to share here.

Iamfab, yes, what does ELCS have to do with it? I had a FABULOUS ELCS after a shitty VB and I can't see what difference knowing the sex made for either? Confused

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 22/12/2010 20:25

But what can you do bubbaandbump? I don't think it's worth anyone getting into trouble for it.

eviscerateyourmemory · 22/12/2010 20:25

There is some evidence ( I think) that labour is faster if you dont know the sex of the baby.
So that wouldnt apply to a CS.

Original poster
BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 20:27

I'm not planning on getting anyone into trouble Lady but I am pissed off!! I know there's nothing I can do... Xmas Sad

No worries secondbest - my mum's been on at me all afternoon to find out now! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
swanandduck · 22/12/2010 20:27

I agree you should complain. It would stop the doctor ruining other people's surprise and would be nice to think your dd or ds had been responsible for that.

PrincessScrumpy · 22/12/2010 20:28

I had to ask after my DD was born as the MW didn't tell me - she assumed we'd found out but like you, we didn't want to know.

" tbh I think it's quite unuual to not want to know..." Really? - none of my friends found out beforehand. I know a couple of people I've worked with who found out but they are in the minority.

Don't get too upset about it - baby is healthy - but YANBU.

swanandduck · 22/12/2010 20:29

Not responsible for getting someone into trouble, but that something positive would come out of this incident.

undercovasanta · 22/12/2010 20:29

I'd be pissed off too. I was obsessed with not finding out with both of mine. Not sure why, but I would have been gutted to know in advance.

SaleMum · 22/12/2010 20:29

Most people I know did not find out and besides that's not the point. The point is OP did not want to know and I can see why you're upset.

It was very unprofessional of your doctor but perhaps she was just having a bad day.

I'd perhaps write a little note, saying how disappointed you are, just a reminder to stop it happening to anyone else.