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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Doc told us the sex of the baby - we didn't want to know!!!

106 replies

BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 20:15

36 week appt to check the lie of the baby (baby #3) in case an ELC would be needed. During scan, the bloody doctor told us the gender of the baby and we didn't want to know!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

PixieX · 22/12/2010 21:55

Thats really shitty!

Medics get complancent so often with things like that - but we all do at work - its just that usually, "our" work doesn't affect people's lives like doctors and nurses.

I hope you made it clear that you were unhappy with her being so "informative".

I bet you're just so frustrated by this - but you can't change it and unhear her words ... is there any way you can turn it around for you both so that it doesn't spoil the last few weeks? Maybe change your mind-set so that you can now start to bond even more with the little girl or boy in there? ... start guessing whether he/she will have black hair/no hair ... erm ... just to try turn your focus on something else ?

Hope its not going to spoil this magical time for you!

p
x

Unrulysanta · 22/12/2010 21:55

Well yes it's annoying and YANBU but complain? Really?

droves · 22/12/2010 21:56

Bubbaandbump , stupid doctor. but youve still got a huge surprise to look forward too.....

What does your new baby look like? . Will the baby have your eyes, colouring, build , ? Perhaps the baby might have grandads ears or auntie x`s piano fingers ?

Its so lovely when theres a new baby , congratulations , and good luck on the birth .

Original poster

BubbaAndBump · 22/12/2010 22:03

I never said I would complain unruly! Lots of people have suggested it, but I have said I wouldn't!

Thanks pixie :)

OP posts:

Unrulysanta · 22/12/2010 22:11

Oh not at you op -aware that you said you wouldn't complain (and make it a policy not to be cross at the heavily pregnant :) )

scottishmummy · 22/12/2010 22:19

appreciate you are disappointed but this will pass,now you can perhaps have wonderful daydreams about your baby knowing its gender.

wondering what kind of wee boy/girl they will be

looking at products in shop thinking will that suit

at moment this feels enormous,over the piece compared to what lies ahead it isnt really so major long term

cupcakebakerer · 22/12/2010 22:59

I would be so upset - particularly that you've waited so long for the surprise! But what's done is done and I reckon the loveliest bit about the whole 'surprise' thing is announcing it to family and friends which I think from what you've said you are still able to do :) I think a gorgeous baby will be surprise enough for you and the hubby.

pooka · 22/12/2010 23:03

I would have been very sad if had been told beforehand with any of my 3.

I just wanted to wait and find out at the birth.

I suppose they might be wrong?

Teela · 22/12/2010 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catnao · 22/12/2010 23:09

I can't see why this matters? A bit inconsiderate, yes - but dear God - this is hadly the worst thing that can happen? I can imagine (and have in reality) found out MUCH worse at scans. There was a thread on here not long ago about grandparents being disappointed about baby's sex - WHY is the sex of the baby relevant?

midori1999 · 22/12/2010 23:11

Bubba it might seem weird and sad to you, maybe because you haven't been in the unfortunate position of losing a baby? Perhaps if you had (as I have, which sadly makes me only too aware how easily things can go wrong) then you'd realise that although it is disappointing (and please don't think I don't appreciate how disappointing it must be for you) it's not the end of the world.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2010 23:13

parents hear a lot worse during scans than gender.get this in perspective,you know the gender of your wanted loved child

Catnao · 22/12/2010 23:14

midori - I think that was my point that you made better - I'd give anything to not have had the scan news i got...

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2010 23:15

I don't see the OP making any mention of having stated perfectly clearly right at the beginnnig of the scan that they definitely didn't want to know the sex (unless I've missed that by skim-reading too fast).

If I had felt that strongly then I would clearly have said that at the beginning of the appointment.

So i haven't got that much sympathy really, sorry.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2010 23:15

oh dear catnao.anyone supporting you?any confidants

nannynick · 22/12/2010 23:15

YANBU - Doctor should have asked first. It's done now... so moving on... how about keeping the child's name a secret?

Catnao · 22/12/2010 23:19

Oh - I'm fine - just feels a bit weird for someone to be that concerned about sex of baby in our circs - but that's also silly really as there's always someone worse off etc - doesn't mean the OP isn't feeling bad - just that in this case, I don't feel her pain. Wish I had a healthy baby - either sex.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2010 23:22

suppose i just urge a sense of perspective to op,in relative terms isnt worst thing to hear at scan

dont know your circs catnao but hope you have strength and support.best wishes

Catnao · 22/12/2010 23:24

Thank you scottishmummy - we are trying again anyhow! Keep your fingers crossed!

Teela · 22/12/2010 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 22/12/2010 23:25

yes,hope strength,resolve and happier times come your way 2011

MsHighwater · 22/12/2010 23:37

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to feel disappointment without having to compare it to anything else - I think her sense of perspective is just fine. She has not, for a moment,suggested that it's the worst that could have happened.

In fact, in her shoes, I might be inclined to contact the hospital, not so much to complain but certainly to give feedback that, will, hopefull, prevent this doc from spoiling someone else's surprise.

It's certainly not so unusual to not want to know that it warrants being shrugged off like the doctor did (or like some posters have done).

duchesse · 22/12/2010 23:44

Well, it's unfortunate but what's done is done. They aren't always right about these things of course. Even if they are right, it's only a 50/50 anyway so not much room for immense surprise. I must say it would have bothered me, but I daresay it was a genuine mistake.

Seoid · 23/12/2010 01:58

The doctor is human and from what you said, it seems like she was trying to be chatty and friendly. She made an honest mistake. She was probably just happy to be doing a run of the mill scan when a lot of her job involves talking to people who are receiving very bad news or who are ill. We all slip up and forget things from time to time, and IMO it's better for a doctor to be competent in medicine than worrying about ruining a surprise for someone. She may have had a very long week and might have kicked herself afterwards for saying it but I doubt she gave it much thought - when you've declared time of death for a baby, making a tiny mistake like this barely registers.

SuzieHomemaker · 23/12/2010 02:38

On a lighter note (and not to discount anything else posted) my DS could not have been more obvious. We would have had to have had our eyes shut through the scan at 20 weeks to have not known.

We still managed to surprise the family with his name.

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