To dread in-laws visit due to their table manners?

[asseenontv]

When the ILs come over for a meal they always pile their plates so high with food that there is not enough left for us and I find it really rude and bad mannered.

Their plates are usually about 4 inches deep in food (no kidding) and DH and I share whatever is left between us and the kids. We have tiny portions as a result and the ILs often notice and say 'oh not on a diet again are we?' or similar joke. We leave a small amount in the serving dishes for 'seconds' as well and usually FIL has finished his mound before I have finished my first mouthful and will then share out whatever is left between him and MIL. No chance for us to have seconds at all. AIBU?? I find it so rude. And frankly, disgusting that they stuff their faces whilst their GC go without at the same table!

We've tried over-catering in an attempt to prevent this happening but they subconsciously see it as a challenge and scoff the lot as usual. Serving out their plate for them results in them having many rounds of 'seconds' and again no food for us.
How can we stop this happening when they come round on Christmas Eve ?
(they are not fat, they walk dogs and have hollow legs big appetites but come on!)
Or AIBU?

They sound really greedy! I would serve up plates of food, with children first.

I want to share my pork chop story. A woman wrote to an advice column about this.

She and her husband had six children. His two brothers were living with them for awhile.

She bought 14 pork chops, 2 for each adult and one for each child.

The brothers served themselves first. Each took 4 pork chops and a big helping of mashed potatoes and gravy and whatever else there was. Husband looked a bit embarassed but took two pork chops. That left 4 porkchops for the wife and all six children. They would have gotten half a chop each.

The advice was to serve up plates. I'd have wanted to take my fork and stab those pork chops right off their plates!

That doesn't sound like a lot of food to me, i reckon everyone in my family gets through at least that much each for xmas dinner (apart from the mash - I'm not a fan) and we tend to have starters and puddings as well. None of use are overweight either (I'm 5 foot 7, around 8 stone), we just all like our food - especially on xmas .

I don't get why you left things for seconds if you and the kids didn't have enough. If I was in your PIL place I would assume you didn't want the food if you didn't plate it up first time and would therefore assume it was ok to take it if I wanted it.

Just serve up a decent portion for everyone in the kitchen and then put whatever is leftover out for seconds. That way at least everyone gets a reasonable meal.

I don't think it sounds an unreasonable amount at all! I think you need to review what it takes to feed four adults with good appetites and some DCs!

I can eat that amount..well maybe only ONE chicken breast...but potatoes..there's never enough of those for me!

In our house we joke about how many we all eat...we LOVE spuds...around 6 decent sized roast potatoes is a normal serving for us and not one of us is fat.

You need to cook more.

They have two chick breasts, a whole cereal bowl of mash and fist sized helpings of four vegetables. That's huge! Can you bring yourself to say something like - "there's not a war on, there'll be plenty more at the next meal"

YOU plate it up, and sit between them and the kitchen area, can you rig table so cannot get to oven/kitchen workplaces without pushing past?

PUT the unserved food away, covered, or whatever.

They don't serve themselves, surely, so just take control dammit!!!!!

TELL them they can't have seconds until everyone's first plate has been eaten, then YOU get the dishes in to serve seconds.

COME ON!!!!! How absurd a situation you have got yourself into.

I'm getting a whiff of burning martyr here, the solutions are so obvious that it sounds like you're taking the easy option of letting them get on with it and then having a whinge rather than changing anything. It would never occur to me not to plate up the children's meals anyway otherwise dd would have a plateful of yorkies and nothing else! Seems to me that you prefer letting them get on with it so you can delight in how awful they are. You know they're big eaters so prepare lots of food and be a bit proactive.

Plate up the children's food first, or just do everybodies. TBH maybe you just have a really small appetite and under-estimate how much needs to be made? Anyway, regardless of whether you are under-catering or not, it's rude of them to take more than their fair share, even if it means they have to get a McDonalds on the way home!

I always plate up in the kitchen and put extra stuff in the oven. My parents always served food this way. My inlaws do the serve yourself from table thing but does mean it takes ages if alot of people at table, plus I don't have big serving pots.
Luckily all have good table manners.
I'd serve it out telling people there is more later if needed and you don't mind if they leave some.
That sort of thing would really put me off someone.

The pork chop story is silly. If that was my house I'd be telling the people who went to take more than 2 pork chops that there were 2 each, although in that case it seems illogical not to put pork chops on plates in kitchen. Anything like that where the hostess knows how many each and guests don't should be dished up by hostess or announce"there are 2 pork chops each for adults and 1 for children" at beginning of meal, and have older kids debate whether they are kids or adults.

Thinking about it when I have guests round there rarely is seconds as I tend to dish up most of food so not much gets wasted.
I would tell people they have to wait until they have finished what's on their plate before getting seconds so anything left can be shared out equally. Definitely give your family a normal sized dinner and your inlaws a large one first time round. I think having seconds shouldn't nbe necessary if adequate amount given first time round, especially if starter, pudding etc
Are they both huge?

Have skipped a few pages.

I have a friend who does "Delia" portions...... it is a group joke and has arisen because when Delia says 'feeds 4-6' she always thinks 6. People with normal appetites think 4 especially if it is a major constituent of meal. Maybe I'm greedy but I"m not the only person to have noticed.

Ergo you often leave her dinner table hungry.

Is this happening here? I agree post how much you are cooking.

If they are genuinely HUNGRY after what you describe as a large meal maybe it really isn't enough food.

We have the opposite problem so I can see it from their side a bit. I'd never take more than my fair share from the serving dishes, but at the IL this means I often go hungry. They have little bird-like appetites, little bird-like skeletons and clearly also little bird-like bellies. I'm a big-boned daughter of a rugby player, and all the times we've visited in the last 2 years I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding.

It is so embarrassing to leave a table still feeling hungry and have to lie, and worse if your tummy rumbles less than 30mins after the meal. For me, I just take extra food in our suitcase. If they have big appetites or metabolisms that mean they really do need big portions, you aren't going to convert them or wean them away from it unless they are trying to do it themselves.

But I can't believe anyone could show that lack of consciousness about leaving your children without!

When I've been frustrated about an extra 2 people turning up uninvited for a group meal before, I've served up in front of them myself to make sure we all get enough!

Op just wait till your dc are teens it will make you cry how much they eat then 5 minutes later diving in the fridge because they are hungry

My older 2 dc will eat that as meal followed by desert and still be hungry later even dd and ds3 eat one chicken breast each so to expect a adult to seem greedy eat 2 is something. Odd

and I second putting enough food on your dc plate so there not hungry maybe guests think oh if that's all they put on plate there not going to want seconds

I would never want anyone in my home to feel hungry or not sated after a meal when they visit us.
We make a lot of food when people come over, we know basically our family and friends habits and likes and do cater to that. They are invited guests in our homes.
Easy enough to put the food on the plates, and to cook a lot more than usual when they come.
Perhaps you are just a great cook and they love food. Be flattered!

Completely agree with RockinRobinBird's post.

It does sound a lot to eat but if they always do it and are not fat then they clearly have big appetites and you should do more food. If you don't like how much they eat then don't invite them to dinner.

I also agree with the others that are questionning why you are going hungry and leaving seconds in the serving bowls. If it's left after everyone else has taken some then surely it's ok for them to eat.

There is nothing worse than visiting people who habitually under-cater. It's absolutely not conducive to a relaxing convivial time and can put you on edge as a guest. I'd be mortified if anyone ever thought that about me, so I usually make hugely excessive amounts of over-rich food.

I have a lovely friend who is obsessed with exercise, and revolted by any flesh of any sort. Skin and bone is the order of the day in her house. She's always fretting that her daughters' boobs might get too big. Her son has the thinnest weediest snappiest legs with over-sized kneecaps I've ever seen on a child not in a Comic Relief appeal film. There is a real issue of stress/worry around food in there house and she is very controlling over it - luckily for her, her DCs are very compliant because they have all been brainwashed and are also terrified of flesh.
We went there for dinner and ate like we were at a health farm. Not nice. She is lovely though.

Ok, I'm going to share this in sympathy with gentleness.

My granny was one of those bird-people who never catered enough. My late cousin was a nun, and consequently forbidden from carrying money or buying herself things. After one particularly bad visit to my granny's, she got an official dispensation from her order to buy copious packs of biscuits so she'd survive the granny regime - far more strict than the convent!

Btw, I don't get why plating up is so easy/obvious. Even if you heat the plates, everything ends up cold and messy-looking, and it takes bloody ages unless there's only two of you! Agree the OP probably has to do it, but it's a shame she has to.

If you are staying with MIL she'll ask you at breakfast how many potatoes you are going to eat at dinner to make sure she doesn't overcater.

Sigh...

I'm getting images of the Royale Family Christmas special when Denise cooked...

Sigh, dreading dinner with the in laws now more than ever

How I love hearing them chomp loudly on their food, talk with their mouths full and update us all every minute on their imaginary food allergies which change from one meal to the next

Girlafraid serves swede mash
FIL "oh no, I'd be SICK if I ate that"

What a delight they are to have around.
And never in 7 years have they ever said thank you either

They sound charming!

My BIL beats everyone hands down for loud open mouthed chomping. I have to make sure I sit on the same side of the table, but with someone else between us. I can't bear it otherwise.

Another one here who thinks you are probably under-catering. I could easily eat that portion size at Xmas (5ft2, size 8-10), and for my DH that is a normal meal (although he would eat less mash and more meat - he looks a lot skinnier than me, relatively speaking). And yes, DH often comes out hungry when we go for dinner at other people's, so he often has a snack before going.

Having said that, I do think they are being rude not leaving enough food for others (my DH would make sure he does not do that when we are at other people who are not aware of his food intake needs), hence second the ideas about serving "ready-made plates" and then leaving them to feast on left-overs if required...