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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread in-laws visit due to their table manners?

181 replies

asseenontv · 21/12/2010 16:47

When the ILs come over for a meal they always pile their plates so high with food that there is not enough left for us and I find it really rude and bad mannered.

Their plates are usually about 4 inches deep in food (no kidding) and DH and I share whatever is left between us and the kids. We have tiny portions as a result and the ILs often notice and say 'oh not on a diet again are we?' or similar joke. We leave a small amount in the serving dishes for 'seconds' as well and usually FIL has finished his mound before I have finished my first mouthful and will then share out whatever is left between him and MIL. No chance for us to have seconds at all. AIBU?? I find it so rude. And frankly, disgusting that they stuff their faces whilst their GC go without at the same table!

We've tried over-catering in an attempt to prevent this happening but they subconsciously see it as a challenge and scoff the lot as usual. Serving out their plate for them results in them having many rounds of 'seconds' and again no food for us.
How can we stop this happening when they come round on Christmas Eve ?
(they are not fat, they walk dogs and have hollow legs big appetites but come on!)
Or AIBU?

OP posts:
EdgarAleNPie · 21/12/2010 18:37

i hve to say taking from another persons plate is one of those things that hits my kill switch - MIL does it, and ti is just unbelieveably rude.

it makes her family very unpleasant to be around when together, that kind of petty button-pushing.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 21/12/2010 18:42

crikey its bad enough when someone you are out for a meal with takes what is obvioudly more than their 1/4 (or whatever) of the communal veg, but in your own home when you have cooked it and there is hardly enough left to share between you. Have the ILs no shame?

However, i am also with everyone else who wonders why you then dont share out whats left and leave no seconds for them, at the expense of your kids??. i would also pointedly say to the DC, dont worry if you are still hungry after that, theres pudding to come

onceamai · 21/12/2010 18:45

Oh OP - I was just wondering if I dared start a thread about MIL's dreadful table manners - from licking the knife to the plate and then to counting food - but decided I wasn't brave enough on Mnet. Notwithstanding what she does with cutlery.

All her DC remember being hungry due to food "rationing" in the 60's and 70's. Gave me a great laugh when they announced that primary schools were going to teach table manners. The old bag MIL was a deputy head for 30 years Grin and never spares a comment for uneducated common people. Shock

You have all of my sympathies, with hindsight and after 20 years, I think I'd just say something like, "we would like to set an example for the dc on the manners front" so please take what seems to be fair and there will be plenty left for seconds. Don't really see why you should have to plate up in the kitchen tbh.

48 hours to go and counting - joint prayers for more snow please Smile - providing dh can get home from Geneva.

mitochondria · 21/12/2010 18:50

paws - do they have intestinal tapeworms?

I think if I was that hungry all the time and was visiting someone's house I'd bring my own crisps with me.

mummydoc · 21/12/2010 18:51

my pils start the minute the food is front of them , if it is self erve style meal like a roast and all in dishes they serve themselves and never pass veg round, offer to serve the children, i CANNOT stand it , and my dc have on occasion copied them , so i said pointedly " little mummydoc we do not start until everyone is served " ( ok i did osund very much like the queen !) , i have repeated this every meal with pils and of late have seen mil elbowing fil as he starts troughing. they also will happily serve up all of something onto their plate and not leave ANY for the other diners ( they did this once with the sprouts - i love sprouts , i have never forgiven them )

GentleOtter · 21/12/2010 18:51

OP - have you tried worming your inlaws the day before? Xmas Wink

GentleOtter · 21/12/2010 18:52

x-post mito Grin

onceamai · 21/12/2010 18:55

Oh I love the concept of worming.

DaisySteiner · 21/12/2010 18:56

At least yours actually have table manners. Mine eat Christmas dinner off a tray on their laps in front of the TV. No conversation, just food shovelled in as fast as possible whilst staring at some shite film Xmas Biscuit.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2010 18:56

Well, they are clearly very rude and are greedy, but you are clearly very silly, OP, to complain about your tiny portions, yet leave some food in the dishes. Your inlaws must now assume that you have TINY appetites if you're serving yourselves small portions and leaving stuff in the dishes. What else could they think??!?! You have given them completely the wrong impression of the portions that you and your DH and children need, so they have no reason not to eat the "seconds", have they? They might actually get the message if all the food was gone from the dishes after you'd served everyone. Especially if the children said "Mum, is there any more?"

Their appetites do seem massive. Do you do starters and dessert as well? I can see no other option than to just increase the amount you are serving up, but for god's sake, woman, DO NOT LEAVE FOOD IN THE DISHES AS SECONDS IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH YOURSELF FIRST TIME ROUND!!!!

(Can you tell I can't get over the daftness of you doing that?! Grin)

ensure · 21/12/2010 19:09

Buy two plates, slightly smaller than your normal set. Give these to your in laws.
:)

Tw1nkle · 21/12/2010 19:16

If I were you, I'd serve up the food, not make any extra, and if they comment at all, say that you are trying to teach your DC about healthy diet and portion control!

And trying to lead by example!

miSaltireandwine · 21/12/2010 19:32

my mum and brother and to a lesser degree my step dad can be like this.
DB2 especially. He's jsut greedy though. he is alos diabetic and plays on "low blood sugars" as an excuse to eat us out of house and home.
They are all coming for Christmas, and I ahve enough food in to supply all 3 messes where i live for a month but I can be assured that by teh 27th i will have to go shopping again.

goingroundthebend4 · 21/12/2010 19:32

Hate to say it what your posting if that includes seconds I'm sorry but my older ds would eat that just aa first as would my stepdad and none of them are overweight not even what you could call solid all very slender

goingroundthebend4 · 21/12/2010 19:34

And people wonder why my food bills so high

SkyBluePearl · 21/12/2010 19:50

you should dish up and put the food on the table ready - then call them through to eat. Leave a huge bowl full of filling carbs on the table for them to help themselves. Bring out the seconds and ask how many people want a bit of each dish

weedle · 21/12/2010 19:58

zeno what did you do? I kept reading through to find out because I'm a nosy bitch intrigued!

Mobly · 21/12/2010 20:41

Well I'm going to disagree with most posters and say that actually that doesn't sound like a huge amount of food- especially not for Christmas day! I am a size 8 and would quite happily eat 2 chicken breasts, a huge pile of veg (which really doesn't fill you up anyway) and a load of roasties- not really a mash person. I would say it's a decent portion but then I was brought up on those portions and we were encouraged to clear our plates.

Agree with the posters who say to cook that amount for them and dish it up yourself.

I wouldn't say they were overly greedy but they are being thoughtless if they take more than their fair share.

Mobly · 21/12/2010 20:43

Sorry just realised you weren't referring to xmas day- the sentiment of my post remains the same, however.

TattyDevine · 21/12/2010 20:58

"Yes ofcourse. You are right. I'll just load all plates and only make just enough"

You lost me with this comment, I'm afraid, OP.

Why anyone would want to make only just enough is beyond me, unless money is a serious issue, in which case it would be fairer to ask them to bring a dish or make some kind of contribution rather than let them go "hungry" - and I accept they are possibly greedy to an extent - but - it is Christmas Day.

Despite talk of inches etc I suspect you eat like a bird and they like to put it away. Neither is wrong, really, though they sound fairly enthusiastic.

I'd have them at my table any day. I can't get enough of appreciative guests. I'd be sitting on your FIL's lap by the end of the meal Grin but that's probably due to my appreciation of fine wine...

pippitysqueakity · 21/12/2010 21:27

Bugger. Am hungry now...

Niecie · 21/12/2010 22:12

The OP's PIL are coming on Christmas day, it will be Christmas Eve.

Heaven knows what they would want to eat on the day itself!

Niecie · 21/12/2010 22:22

Whoops - they aren't coming on Christmas day obviously Xmas Blush

cat64 · 21/12/2010 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

midori1999 · 21/12/2010 23:23

It does sound like they either like big portions (not really a problem if they're not overweight and not really your problem if they were) or appreciate your cooking so much they tend to gorge when at your house. Either way, if you feel they see it as a challenge if you make more food, why don't you see it as a challenge to cook enough food to go round and even have some left over? Grin

I always over cater if we are having guests. I would be mortified if anyone went hungry and we can always use up leftovers.

Just make a ridiculously large amount next time they come, even if it's not extra meat but extra potatoes/yorkshires, which are fairly cheap.