To think this is just about the worst thing a parent could say?

[follyfoot]

Have struggled for years to let go of something my Mum said to me once. After another particularly critical comment about me as a youngster I said 'you never say anything positive about me as a child.

Her: 'there's nothing positive to say'.

That's horrible. :(

yanbu :(

And to which you said, Follyfoot? Or were you stunned into silence?

yanbu.Its clearly not true and says more about her than you.Have you told her how that makes you feel?

Feel very sad for you OP.

how rude. You could've made a comeback...a direct hit to her parenting skills? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree etc.

How upsetting for you.

Yes that is truly horrible.

I feel your pain. My own childhood was littered with many similar comments.

I am 45 now, and am still unable to let it all go.

What you say to children has a profound and lasting effect, that is for sure

So sad for you.
Time to cut your losses?

How horrid. You okay OP?

(YANBU obviously)

That is a dreadful thing to say but you know what, move on, hold your head high, you have a lot of great qualities no doubt.
Try not to be pulled down by her negativity, maybe she has some issues of her own??
Be a strong women for yourself, x

follyfoot - that's about her, not you... It is a horrible thing to say. I can't imagine why anyone would want to say something so spiteful but that doesn't mean that it's true.

is that the way she treated you or was it a throwaway, albeit horrible, comment that she made at the end of her tetther

my mother has said some pretty terrible things in her life and they stand out but they don't worry me unduly because of the context of her IYSWIM

so is it the same with you? Was she otherwise, generally OK or was she a toxic bitch from hell who mistreated you your entire lfe

sorry, I misread slightly...your mum said that to you as an adult about you as a child ?

equally horrible

I am very sorry x

Oh shit

That is horrid

I am so sorry that she said that!

But

How are things now? could she have said this in the heat of the moment? Why are you thinking about this now? What has happened? We need to know more about your relationship - is it good now? bad?

She didn't mean it? Need more background info?

I am sorry you have been carrying this round though and she made you feel like that - that is bang out of order - parents should realise that we remember things said to us as kids when we become adults and that they still fucking hurt.

That's horrible! How hurtful, and if it helps at all I'm quite sure it cannot be true.

My cousin has always been a very lonely, very sad (and therefore rather difficult), only child and after begging for a sibling for a Christmas when she was about 7 turned to her mother and said, "Why won't you give me a brother or sister, that's all I want in the whole world!" Her mother replied, "Well, Lucy, what you have to understand is that we didn't want children in the first place, and you've certainly done nothing to change our minds."

True, she was unplanned, but to tell a child she was, and is, unwanted is just vile.

Parents can be cruel :(

Mmm I'm fine thanks, and thank you everyone for the kind words. I'm the one taking my DD to New York as a surprise if anyone remembers that thread, and was just sitting here thinking about mother/daughter relationships.

We'll all be playing happy families on Christmas day (in that very English lets pretend everything is fine way), but I do think that one comment cemented our -lack of - relationship for ever.

OP I saw your thread about your mum wanting her to wait until you gave your DD NY tickers and was just lurking - but given the context - I would vindictively play up the close and wonderful relationship you and DD have with one another. Your mum was the one who said the thing about you not wanting to go on a horse drawn carriage with her wasn't it? Well, I'd definitely be getting the camera out when you and DD go on one - perhaps a framed photo of you two riding high could be a lovely Mother's Day gift for your dear mother?

Pity her. She missed out on you and she missed out on a wonderful relationship with her daughter. You will not.

Oops tickets...

Hmm - won't go into detail but I sympathise massively. Very similar realtionship with my mum who once said I had "achieved nothing for her to be proud of" :( IMO I bloody well have!

"We'll all be playing happy families on Christmas day (in that very English lets pretend everything is fine way), but I do think that one comment cemented our -lack of - relationship for ever." We have rows where she'll say the most disgustingly hurtful comments she can think of... then in the morning offer to make me a cup of tea and breakfast like nothings happened.

DP sometimes does not understand why I even give her the time of day....she's the only mum I have though and I accepted a long time ago that we will never have a good relationship, just make the best of a bad job and promise myself that my own DC will never know such hurt (I'm pregnant with my first)

I hope you manage to have a good Christmas day, regardless.

How hurtful and damaging your mother is! The problem is all hers though and she has really missed out/messed up bonding with you. After all she was the adult all those years ago.

My famiy were always very negative about me cos i wasn't religious and they were very judgemental. I take a lot of stregnth from the fact that I have a wonderful upbeat little family and have managed not to copy my parents negative parenting style. I also have a lovely set of wonderful friends who are nicer/closer/more balanced than any of my parents/siblings. I see them as my extended family really.

My mother thinks that about me. I've realised lately that she blames every misfortune that happened to my siblings on me. She sincerely believes that my sister swallowed a penny because I put her up to it. That I deliberately knocked my baby brother out of his pram (was trying to have a look at him), that I lured them up walls etc.

None of this was true. I was a genuinely kindhearted child, and I did my best. I am bitter and twisted now, of course.

But my mother missed out on any kind of relationship with me growing up. It must have been awful for her, living with so much hate.

It's emotional cruelty, what happens in our childhood/teens stays with us and makes us the person we become.

Some parents have a lot to answer for.

Personality disorders are born or the way in which you are brought up and treated.

When I was about 14

"No wonder you have no friends, you're a horrible person"

Cheers Mum!!

It is not that simple Fabby Chic

I don't have a personality disorder, though my mother probably does. She has made me the person I've become through giving me her genetic heritage, but like many others, I've put my miserable childhood behind me.

Silliness like yours makes it hard to discuss because it insinuates that I will fail my dc as my mother failed me. I won't allow that to happen.

my mum told me she would die for my three siblings but not for me

i was 10 though so maybe i deserved it

From 9 through to current day

"You've always been a funny looking child"

From my Dad.

For the record, I've finally realised that I'm actually totally lovely, very dark and amusing and not bad to look at either! (I'm modest too )

fucking parents.