To leave 5 1/2 month old to cry?

[Ghostie]

I'm feeling really stressed about this, so please be gentle!! Basically we were getting no sleep at all I was up and down every 30mins to an hour and it was driving me crazy, as well as leaving me just totally exhausted! DD kept pulling her dummy out all night and she wasn't crying, just shouting out and once we put her in bed with us she would go to sleep, so I figured she just wanted attention.

She is a big strong baby, so in the end we got in a night nanny to get us some rest and give us a break and more than that we wanted to get some help to sleep train her and were told that she would sleep within a week.

It all seemed to be going well and we had the night nanny for 4 nights, she got us to get rid of her dummy and doing a split feed before bed, to try and get more calories into her before she goes to sleep. Now, she is still waking up 2/3 times a night and crying for long periods from 5am. All the books and the advice we've been given say that leaving them to cry works, that they're not upset, but getting out of bad habbits and that it takes a few days. But, she still seems to be crying after nearly two weeks and I am finding it really distressing and wonder if I am doing the right thing? She is also crying for quite a long time before she goes to sleep for her naps.

Sorry if this is a bit long winded. Please let me know if you have had similar experiences/this has worked for you?

of course its important to get a rounded picture - as i said i advocate evidence based parenting but its not just the leach info - thats only last few weeks. there are reams of studies supporting responsive parenting.

will read the info you posted - thank you for sharing

to be fair lily it only advocates it post 6 months and doesn't specify method. i do think that following the proper cc method which takes 3 nights or something? and it working is quite different to frequently leaving a baby to cry. a friend tried CIO with her ds (unwillingly after alot of family pressure) - he screamed until he vommited - how can this level of stress be good for a baby??

I co-slept with my DS and am doing it with my DD and have never left them to cry. I really do find that with co-sleeping I'm not up and down out of bed all night. Just roll over and feed her.

sungirltan - I think that is being picky tbh - when it comes to studies against controlled crying people are taking the line that it 'HARMS THE BABY'S BRAIN DEVELOPMENT', but then a study that shows that controlled crying is ok is 'only dealing with this, this and that'...

I think the answer is we don't know. I don't suppose anyone on MN is leaving their baby to get really distressed for hours on end, equally there are some exhausted mums who simply cannot be on tap 24/7, because they have reached the point where you cannot go on (myself included).

lilybolero - I just have to take issue with the co-sleeping/bf causing tooth decay statement, a baby falling a sleep with formula pooling in it's mouth is at risk from tooth decay, but bm actually contains antibodies which protect against tooth decay, that combined with the fact the baby has to work harder to get bm than bottled milk means that bm is firstly unlikely to 'pool' in the same way and secondly does not cause tooth decay, in fact it protects against it.

I'd suggest there's probably another reason why the co-sleeping children you know have bad teeth.

I've never let DD cry, fed her ALOT and she spent plenty of time in our bed, it worked for us, but might not work for anyone else, afaik you just have to do what gets you through the day/night. The fact you're worrying about what the right thing to do is shows that you're a loving mother, just do what you have to do to maximise sleep and sanity for everyone. and don't pay too much heed to any 'experts'

Robyn, I know of babies who suffered from this when they were solely b/fed. The only cause they could pinpoint down was the fact they fed all night every night, because of co-sleeping.

Did cc on all 3 of mine at that age,never left for more than 6 mins or so. Took 3 nights tops. To be honest I found it far less stressful than the day time when all 3 (3 under 15 months)had to get used to mummy not coming immediately every time as not physically possible.All lovely,secure, very rounded kids,fantastic sleepers.

I find the greatest critics of cc are from people who have never tried it and it is grossly mis- represented.

What I find far more concerning than cc are children who get to 6,7 or more years of age being dreadful sleepers and who have endured years of stressful bedtimes due to exhausted parents loosing it.

Years of high cortisol levels(if we're going to use that ridiculous argument) are surely worse than 3 nights at an age a child can't even remember.

Op can you get some advice re cc from somewhere as to be honest you shouldn't be having long periods of crying?Also she won't go through the whole night at that age.Mine did not long after but it was a short night iykwim.I think we did a dream feed as late as we could and they woke up early.We gradually reduced the night feed so they didn't notice a la Gina.

Good luck!

bfing/tooth decay -

www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

perhaps the ebf babies mum's saliva caused tooth decay?

there are always other factors, even in an exclusively bf baby.

sorry - but how? why would she be spitting in their mouths?

co sleeping/bf causing tooth decay? and you call the high cortisol levels ridiculous?

sigh.

will this be another anti bf study that turns out to have been sponsored by the israeli milk marketing board like the last one?

not helping even my own argument but there is also the theory that a properly latched on baby will take a fuller feed less often and not snack feed all night.

that said as pointed out on the kellymom article - its pretty difficult for bm to 'pool' in a baby's mouth!

milamae - yes precisely - 3 nights! afaik the op has gone past 3 nights.

sgt, on that one, I'm not quoting some study that may or may not be true, I'm talking about children I know who have had horrendous problems, whilst being ex b/fed.

And I didn't call the cortisol levels 'ridiculous' - what I said was that there are other studies that contradict that, and that it wasn't the most helpful thing to say to a mother on her knees with tiredness, that she was 'brain-damaging her child' ffs.

Anyway, look, I don't want to make this thread all about co-sleeping, it works for some, doesn't for others. For me it wouldn't work at all.

sungirltan - if you read the article it's saying that bfing doesn't cause tooth decay.

LilyBolero - sucking a dummy briefly before giving to baby? licking a finger before giving it to the baby to suck? things that are very common.

it's a very interesting and not overly long article if you give it a quick read...

robyn - oops - by study i meant 'claim' i suppose - not the actual study linked to, which was to dispell claims in other posts which linked bf to tooth decay.

co sleeping is very natural. it makes me sad that western parenting fashions are so against it.

bowing out now