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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit horrified that Boots are recommending CIO?

136 replies

JenniferCanesten · 18/12/2010 20:01

As I am signed up to the Boots Parenting Club for the vouchers, periodically I get sent a magazine relevant to DS's age.

The other day I got the 5-9 months one in the post and flicking through it was a bit shocked to see this (on pg 12):

"from 6 months, you can leave your baby to cry for short periods. Try five minutes at first, then gradually extend the time so she'll learn to settle herself." Shock

I find it very cross-making that they are presenting this as though this is an irrefutable part of parenting whereas obviously CIO/controlled crying is a pretty controversial method that many parents, myself included find cruel and unnecessary and possibly damaging.

They are GIVING ADVICE to people, which is a position of responsibility! I don't bother getting annoyed by many things but this has really pissed me off!

OP posts:
VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa · 18/12/2010 20:12

YABU. They are saying "you can leave... " not "You should" or "You must".

I wish I had been given that advice earlier. My younger daughter was 15 and a half months old before she slept more than 2 hours without screaming... and I mean screaming... and even then I only got those 2 hours break because I left her to scream til she fell asleep.

Had it continued for much longer I think I might have fallen apart. I was on my own with another child, just 19 months older than DD2, and was exhausted.

As you said, they are GIVING ADVICE. Advice which was given to me by my GP, as it happens. Advice for which I remain, 13 years on, incredibly grateful... and which I didn't have to accept or follow.

JoBettany · 18/12/2010 20:12

But surely if it is advice you are not obliged to take it.

bubbleymummy · 18/12/2010 20:18

Yanbu op. That's is quite shocking. Using 'you can' sounds like it's giving permission or saying 'it's ok to do this'. New parents looking for guidance might be swayed by that without realising the consequences :(

JazzieJeff · 18/12/2010 20:18

Meh. Horses for courses.

Tootlesmummy · 18/12/2010 20:21

YABU, people who may be considering it may find it helpful but if they don't like the idea of it then they will ignore it. Just because you don't like the concept don't assume that all do.

hohohohobnobsaremyfave · 18/12/2010 20:22

oh FFS if you don't want to do it don't do it! I wish I had had the confidence to do this with my eldest it would have saved me months of guilt, exhaustion and PND .And trust me the lack of bonding between us due to my severe PND did him far more harm that any damage leaving him to cry for a bit now and again might have done. Some people want to find things to complain about

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa · 18/12/2010 20:38

Another thought - generations of mothers have in the past left sleepless babies to cry it out. It was considered if not the norm then certainly acceptable in my mother's and Grandmother's day. Have we all turned out "damaged" as a result?

Phooey!

LifeForRent · 18/12/2010 20:40

YABVU-you don't have to TAKE advice. My GP ADVISED my son to have the MMR triple, I'm not taking that advice.

I did however do controlled crying. Worked like a charm :)

violethill · 18/12/2010 20:42

Good god, I'm sure my babies were sometimes left to cry for 5 minutes from well before 6 months of age. Certainly when I had 3 kids, there were times that I couldn't attend to the crying baby straight away.

And guess what? My kids are teenagers now and aren't damaged by it.

Stop being so precious and find something serious to get worked up about.

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2010 20:44

Oh for crying out loud

What a daft thing to worry about. Of course it is not damaging for a 6 month old to be left to cry for 5 miniutes.

I was left at the bottom of the back yard to shriek my lungs out and it has had no lasting damage Grin

Unrulysun · 18/12/2010 21:09

YANBU and why all the defensive 'i did this and it did no harm' posts? You're right - it's controversial and shouldn't be part of general advice without an acknowledgement of that fact.

I always think 'did me/them/us no harm' is very odd tbh. How are we defining such harm? Being able to function in a day to day basis without any manifest psychosis? My FIL tends to say this and he is the most emotionally stunted person I know.

backwardpossom · 18/12/2010 21:11

I agree, Unrulysun

There's plenty of evidence to suggest that CC is harmful, just as there is evidence to say it does DCs no harm. As a parent it's up to you to weigh up the arguments and decide what's best for you. I don't think 'advice' like that from Boots is very helpful.

violethill · 18/12/2010 21:14

Many things in life are controversial - does that mean no one should ever give advice, simply because not everyone agrees with it?!

There is just as much likelihood of harm to a child if its mother is utterly stressed out and overwhelmed by feeling guilt tripped into never, ever leaving her child crying for a few minutes. Stressed, unhappy and depressed mothers are not good for children. Mothers who are able to read advice, and choose to follow it IF THEY WISH are far more likely to provide more stable parenting.

Unwind · 18/12/2010 21:21

Where is this evidence that CC is harmful? I searched and searched, did not find any.

Lots of opinion pulled out of arses. Not the same thing.

Unrulysun · 18/12/2010 21:23

Well yes Violet. But from the OP (and without having seen it I can only go on that) Boots aren't saying 'if you feel like this...' they're saying 'don't forget to dress baby warmly, make sure you don't put a blanket over her head, blah blah, inane basic advice, nothing controversial here, try controlled crying' and that's the problem.

scottishmummy · 18/12/2010 21:25

whay lots of ire and hyperbole.if you no likey dont do it.they aren't advocating sticking a donut in weans yap to shut it up

"cruel and unnecessary and possibly damaging". LOL for millionth time dont exaggerate

backwardpossom · 18/12/2010 21:25

You couldn't have searched very hard, Unwind - what about the 4 year study mentioned in this article for starters?

Like I said. It's up to parents to decide what's best for them and their children.

Unwind · 18/12/2010 21:25

why, because a minority of vocal people who have never needed to resort to it feel able to judge others and call it controversial?

Most parenting advice is controversial in some sense, to someone.

violethill · 18/12/2010 21:27

They aren't saying 'Try controlled crying' - that would be an imperative.

They are saying 'You can leave your baby to cry...'

It's very clear that this is something some parents may wish to try, if they have a baby who is unsettled and miserable. By definition, its not something you're going to even need to try if there's not a problem, is it? My dd1 was a very contented baby, who went down to sleep on her own, from birth. I held her when I wanted to, but she wasn't a clingy, fretful baby. dd2, on the other hand, did not settle well, and it is really helpful in this situation, to know that its absolutely ok to try techniques which will enable your baby to learn to settle itself to sleep when its overtired.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 18/12/2010 21:27

You obviously think it damages children Unruly - what specific signs do you look for when confirm whether or not a child was left to cry for short periods of time?

Unwind · 18/12/2010 21:28

backwardpossom

you consider that evidence? Xmas Grin

Margot Sunderland is not a neuroscientist, and does not even seem to fully understand the science. She cherry picks bits of research to support her own opinions and notions, assuming that studies on children, who suffered severe neglect have relevance to the devoted parents who read her books. Which is quite a leap.

Experts generally are in favour of controlled crying for sleep training. And there is no evidence at all that it does any harm.

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2010 21:29

at 'pulled out of arses'.

You ahve done it now, upwind. The hand wringers will now C&P tracts of crap from wikipedia, and then the academics will come on and shrill 'empirical, peer-reviewed evidence please' and the thread will implode like millions of others.

Never mind.

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2010 21:30

AAAAND we're off

stinkypants · 18/12/2010 21:30

i swear by CIO. i am a caring, kind mother, who believes her children will quickly develop skills to settle themselves which i hope they will thank me for one day :o rather than confusing them and prolonging the agony of months/years of needing me to get them to sleep.
just a thought - if your 5 year old cried and cried for a new toy / chocolate would you give it to them? so... is it harming them to cry?
also... if your child cries in the car, do you therefore never go anywhere?
a baby has no other way to express their annoyance etc. it is up to us as the INTELLIGENT adult to know what is best for them.
good on Boots - great advice. it is also clearly outlined in the bestselling 'bible' What to Expect in the First Year.

Chunkamatic · 18/12/2010 21:30

To be fair that is exactly the advice that I was given in an NHS leaflet the other day, so it's understandable that Boots would see at reasonable and acceptable advice.

Although I have used CC with both my DC's (with a very heavy heart) it's not something I would advise other people to do as I think you really need to hear all the arguments for and against before you decide. But then that's the same with an awful lot of parenting issues, all sides of the argument are rarely represented.