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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you still fancy your dp?Honestly.

252 replies

flakeofsnow · 17/12/2010 19:33

I love my dp but I dont really fancy him,he lets off wind all the time,never makes a effort with his apperance,works all the time ,and when he is home he moans.

I do love him though but just wandered is the norm after 18 years?.

OP posts:
crazycatlady · 19/12/2010 20:18

I fancy my DH more now after 11 years together than I ever have. It helps that he has the most amazing arms, shoulders and thighs (another rugby player here) Grin, but he has honestly got better with age. I don't think I have though!

There have been times in our relationship when I have fancied him less. When we've been going through hard times or I've been a bit depressed.

But just thinking about him right now is making me have rather rude thoughts. If I didn't have desperately painful sinusitis and a 31wk bump he'd be in trouble Grin

I fancy him even more right this minute because he has waited on me hand and foot all weekend while I've been ill and is currently doing all the ironing and cleaning the kitchen. Sad I know!

MissHellToe · 19/12/2010 20:22

Lovely to hear all the ladies who are still swooning at their DHs after decades together, makes me feel warm inside Xmas Smile I don't think anyone's being smug, just delighted at the opportunity to gush about their other half.

I am obsessed with my DH, he is the best-looking man in any room and is so charismatic. He's a tall slim one, but with broad shoulders and narrow hips. Beautiful eyes, big smile, big nose Xmas Wink

I hope he fancies me a tiny percentage of the amount I fancy him! 8 years in, and I'm quite looking forward to him going grey - I think he'll look very distinguished.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 19/12/2010 20:25

leQueen your indifferenc comment made me feel a bit better,we have ignored each other all day (hes at work) but it is cetainly active ignoring iyswim

follyfoot · 19/12/2010 23:29

He doesnt make me go weak at the knees, do the pounding heart thing no. But you know what, at 9.00 this morning he had me in tears of laughter. And he's collected my DD from work this afternoon and put some fairy lights in the garden which look beautiful because he knows I love them.

That'll do just fine for me.

BrigitBigKnickers · 19/12/2010 23:35

Yes still really fancy him but not reciprocated Xmas Sad

Morloth · 20/12/2010 00:24

I think I saw a (very) unscientific experiment once where women were asked to gauge the attractiveness of a man based solely on an inch of skin to the side of their nose and about 3 inches of forearm. (the blokes were behind a black screen so that was all the women could see).

Almost every woman chose the same three men, and they were your typical 'alpha' types, you know about 6ft, slightly tanned, slightly furred, rough skin (but not scarred), medium muscles. This was despite the stated preferences of the women involved.

It was interesting but was just by a bunch of university students so not peer reviewed or anything, but the forearm thing here reminded me. Forearms not really my thing, I like broad heavily muscled backs and big round biceps. And nice heavy thighs. Luckily DH also not opposed to heavy thighs. [Wink

DH also a front, ears OKish, but the nose alas is not what it used to be. Xmas Grin

Shodan you may have rugby players confused with soccer players, DH couldn't give a fuck about his hair as long as it isn't in the way.

Brigit you need to decide whether you are willing to accept that, don't settle, you deserve to be with someone who fancies you. It doesn't have to be all animal passion all the time, but life is too short to spend it with someone who isn't that into you.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 20/12/2010 09:29

I have just had a thought, DH did Movember this year and I did struggle a bit with the fancying then.....

LittleYellowTeapot · 20/12/2010 09:39

Oh yes! He can still make me go weak at the knees Grin

Together 19 years. Married nearly 17 years.

jugglingjo · 20/12/2010 10:50

I fancy him a bit when he's making an effort and being nice ! And after 1/2 bottle of red wine Wink ( 23 years - OMG How did that happen LOL ! )

bahrainbabe · 20/12/2010 11:09

ohhh I like this thread..

DP and I have been together 24 years, married for 19 and have 5 children. Do I still fancy him... totally! We are like teenagers and can't keep our hands off each other.
I had a wobble a few weeks ago when I got a bit jealous. DP thought it was 'cute' that I cared so much.

Don't get me wrong we have had many a time that we have fallen out, nearly split up etc.. The good times are far far far in excess of the bad and that is how I judge it.If however the bad outweighed the good then it would be time to do something about it!
dx

didldidi · 20/12/2010 11:10

the trouble is it's all very well saying "I couldn't be with someone who's not got xyz attractive bits" but what if you're not that attractive yourself? you sometimes you don't get alot of choice!

Shodan · 20/12/2010 11:23

Morloth- now I am confused- does your DH play football then? I thought he was a rugby player?

Either way it was only tongue-in-cheek about the football players- that was based solely on the bits of football I've seen on the tv. I was expecting a barrage of abuse, actually, from the DWs of football-playing men, assuring me they did NOT faff around with their hair. I was just feeling naughty...Xmas Grin

TurkeyBurgerThing · 20/12/2010 11:32

I do, but I would much more if he went to the fucking dentist. He's not been since he was about 12 or something and he is now 35. It truly is having a terrible effect as I can't remember the last time I actually snogged him. Probably well over 5 years ago. We do everything else every so often, but It really makes things difficult for me. He won't ever be convinced it's a good idea to go and see one so we have just learned to live with things as they are. It makes me sad because to look at he is hot stuff and he's also hugely clever and funny. I miss being able to snog :-(

frankie3 · 20/12/2010 11:42

No I don't fancy him at all although he is really good looking. I think that I just fancied him in the beginning because I was caught up in the excitement of being with such a good looking man, but it wasn't real sexual attraction and wore off after about 2 years. But we are still together 15 years later.....

jugglingjo · 20/12/2010 13:26

My DH has golden hair on his forearms and fantastic thighs !

violethill · 20/12/2010 13:31

Yes, luckily. Your feelings change over 20 plus years and the deep love and respect comes to the fore but yes, i do fancy the arse off him too!

jugglingjo · 20/12/2010 13:34

Dear Turkey,

A lot of people have a fear/ phobia of the dentist.

Perhaps You could find a sympathetic dentist, and explain to her/him that your DH hasn't been to dentist since he was 12.

She could the give him a check-up with promise of no actual dental work happening on first visit. Just discussing what really needs doing.
He could later have a couple of the culprits taken out under general anasthetic or whatever.

Make it your new year resolution to work on this problem on his/ both of your behalfs.

Good luck Smile

P.S He doesn't have to go "Cold Turkey !!"

blondieno1 · 20/12/2010 13:39

Hell yes I do but then have only been married for 6 months Grin

biryani · 20/12/2010 13:41

God, this is awful! I may be cynical, but after twenty-odd years still fancying each other is a bit far-fetched isn't it? I don't fancy him (or even like him particularly..)so should I expect him to fancy me back?

Malificence · 20/12/2010 13:53

Biryani, why are you still with a man you don't fancy or even like very much? Shock
I wouldn't expect that he fancies you much either.

Nothing far fetched about still fancying each other after 50 years, never mind 25.

HopeForTheJingleBells · 20/12/2010 14:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

TheArmadillo · 20/12/2010 14:22

Yes after 10 years. He just gets better looking with age.

CheerfulYank · 20/12/2010 16:41

DH a baseball player, not rugby. :)

Of course I don't have that "weak in the knees" thing constantly, but every so often, which is better IMO. The other day he had that two-days beard and was wearing his knit hat and looked all sort of scruffy-fisherman-ish and oh my God was he attrractive.

Lequeen you are dead-on about the hands. Ick, ick, ick to hands either manicured or damp. I really think that would be a deal-breaker.

mommmmyof2 · 20/12/2010 16:48

I did go through a stage of not fancying him but i think that had more to do with the fact we both stopped making an effort. I think sometimes we become complaicent (not sure on spelling!) but we do let ourselves go. I do agree that breaking wind is a real off putter and it would not be acceptable if we did it. Maybe spicing things up might make you see him in a different light. I look at my husband now and i think yeah i am attracted to him, and i get jelouse when i see people looking at him, but i don't think it is that unusual to feel like you do. You are not alone Wink

BadPoet · 20/12/2010 16:49

Yes I do, 14 years together, 10 married.

Helps that he thinks I'm the most luscious thing in the world too...which I am. When I'm with him.

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