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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how on earth working mums manage, both financially and mentally/physically?

130 replies

superv1xen · 15/12/2010 11:32

by financially, i mean mums who are on minimum to average wage mostly.

i would love to go back to work, my DC are 18 mo and 4.6 but i honestly don't know how people do it. if i worked in the day i would have to pay for childcare and also juggle taking the DC to school / childminder, getting both kids ready and myself presentable for work, then get to work, do a days work then pick up the kids. and i am unlikely to get a job that pays much more than minimum wage, especially in the current climate. and after we have paid childcare i doubt i would have much change from my salary.

the other option would be to work evenings or weekends but i couldnt do that because after a day doing chores ie laundry, tidying, cleaning, school run, sorting the kids out etc i am as knackered as if i have done a full day at work (which i have really!) and couldnt imagine having to go out at night to work when all i want to do is collapse in front of the telly. i would just be exhausted. and if i worked weekends i would miss dp too much as thats our "quality time" as he works all week and is out of the house 12 hours a day in the week.

it isnt a criticism of working mums BTW, i honestly admire anyone who does it, i just dont know how they do it! :o

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 15/12/2010 11:32

plus i would still have to find time to do all the aforementioned household stuff as well as being at work!

OP posts:
ClenchedBottom · 15/12/2010 11:33

Erm, because they have to? Hmm

sethstarofbethlehemsmum · 15/12/2010 11:34

sometimes they have partners who share the load, as they should.

AlpinePony · 15/12/2010 11:35

Because it's really not that hard. Isn't it said that if you want something done - ask a busy person?

LaWeaselMys · 15/12/2010 11:35

To start with if you were both working presumably there would be a more equal distribution of chores?

sethstarofbethlehemsmum · 15/12/2010 11:36

you have less housework to do if the children are out at childcare all day.

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2010 11:36

house is less messy when it is empty in the day.

jacquiel · 15/12/2010 11:36

yes - its hard.
when mine were pre secondary school age i worked 2 evenings and all day saturday.
now they are teenagers i work full time.
the house is not pristine for definite

SantasENormaSnob · 15/12/2010 11:36

Because it isn't an option.

Quality time is forsaken to pay the bills here.

We do cleaning and laundry etc before and after work and on days off so yes it cab be tiring.

Bonsoir · 15/12/2010 11:36

I know a lot who cut a lot of corners with housework, childcare, social life and their own health and well-being. Not minimum wage families at all, either.

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 15/12/2010 11:37

I know what you mean. I have total respect and admiration for women who do this. They really should be CEOs of massive companies, with the organisation skills they show.

School days are quite short too, 9-3 so all that afterschool care mounts up. I SAH and do try to help out my school mum friend who works, having her son to ours a couple of times a week . Totally admire them.

I suppose it's becomes manageable the more you do it. Woman are bloody marvellous in my honest go God opinion.

Sonnet · 15/12/2010 11:37

You do it because you have to. the less you do the more you are incapable of doing.

I have a partner that shares the load

agree with AlpinePony - no flaming from me Grin

chipmonkey · 15/12/2010 11:38

This is my life!

Mornings are frantic, evenings are not relaxing and I don't get enough sleep.

Financially I am better off as I do earn enough to have a fair bit left over after childcare. Most of those I know on lower wages either give up after having 2 dc or have parents who don't charge for childcare.

HollyTwat · 15/12/2010 11:41

we don't really have an option, I'm a single mum so I've never considered NOT working.

But, I do make my life easier. I can just afford a cleaner once a fortnight.

Chil1234 · 15/12/2010 11:42

We get on with it because there's no alternative. Human nature is to take the easy route.... if there's only one route, that's the one you take. Yes, you have to prioritise and some things fall by the wayside. But you do your best with the cards dealt and there's no point whining about it. However, can be very annoying when yet another newspaper headline or study comes out saying that working mums are doing their children some kind of disservice. Bollocks to that.

otchayaniye · 15/12/2010 11:42

I have a fairly good wage, but it's not banker level.

I came back to work when daughter was 15 months old. My husband from her birth worked reduced hours (he was the boss and we lived overseas) and at 6 months we returned and he worked three night shifts. He now does half his hours in two long night shifts and I do three 8 hour shifts a day, usually starting at 6.30am (so home at 2.30)

So no outside care.

It is hard sometimes, we don't have relatives who are near/willing to step in. We skint and we are almost like soldier ants performing a series of tasks.

But at the same time we feel incredibly lucky, DH is effectively a SAHD as he is only out of the house when she's asleep. We get by and we don't have to travel back and forth to a nursery. My shifts are short (occasional Sundays though) and I have the option to work from home if need be.

All this will change though if I have another/when my child starts pre-school, if we go down that route.

FindingAManger · 15/12/2010 11:43

I work FT, have one 3 year old with 2nd on the way.

I have an amazing childminder, a DP who also works FT & doesn't consider childcare my 'role' and is as involved as I am with DD and a messyish house (I'm not a neat freak in the first place & I like to spend as much of the weekend as possible with my family rather than domestic bores chores).

I don't socialise much, I go to bed early, I thankfully enjoy my job and have very understanding and reasonable employers. I can't stand shopping these days - seems like such a waste of time - and I go to the shops only when absolutely necessary, preferring to shop online whenever possible.

I spent my 20's & most of my 30's living it up and partying a lot, so I don't miss any of that at all - I was ready for a change. Nowdays I want to spend time with my family & close friends, hang out in the parks etc.

It does make me feel incredibly sad that I may not ever be able to pick DD up from school every day - I will have to consider shorter hours perhaps, once she is at school as I don't know how that will work out. Unfortunately I am the main breadwinner - that is an extra pressure I would do without but cest la vie.

EcoLady · 15/12/2010 11:44

We manage all that and more!

I have a full time job, two DCs, and find time to be a Brownie Guider! It's busy but it works for us.

DH does his share of the household jobs.

I need that level of variety & challenge otherwise I'd go bonkers with boredom at home.

sethstarofbethlehemsmum · 15/12/2010 11:45

I thought it was hard when I was doing it. It's not the day-to-day routine that's the problem though - it's dealing with the unexpected things like children's illnesses.
It's fine when everything is going smoothly but you have very little room for manoeuvre if something goes wrong.

Bonsoir · 15/12/2010 11:45

otchayaniye - is it really economically more advantageous for the two of you to both work PT than to have one FT earner and one SAHP?

lal123 · 15/12/2010 11:45

We cope because I've got a wonderful MIL who looks after DDs for us when I'm at work. I went back full time after DD1 and am part-time after DD2 - if we had to pay for childcare I think things would be very difficult

Original poster
superv1xen · 15/12/2010 11:46

dp works although not a great wage (22k) and we get a little bit of tax credits which mean we can just about survive without me working. but as i said in my OP, i would only get a minumum wage or thereabouts job so i doubt we would be any better off i did go to work.

i do want to go to work though, for my own self esteem and sense of self worth but i just dont know if i could cope with all the downsides for very little reward.

and then what do people do in the school holidays when the kids are young? you have to pay out more childcare then, i dont know how people afford it.

OP posts:
frgr · 15/12/2010 11:46

Because we have to?

Work in this house isn't a luxury. And we don't have much disposable income (this week I've bought myself a new pair of shoes for £8 to replace boots I bought in 2005 which leak) so I'm not working for pin money - I'm working to pay council tax and house insurance.

Besides, they're DH's children too. Of course I have to find time to do the housework, arrange childcare, take a day off on leave if kids ill, etc... but so does H. Hmm

We take turns at taking emergency leave if kids ill, and share housework equally etc - why would that fall only onto my shoulders? Why would it be a barrier that only stops me working?

Original poster
superv1xen · 15/12/2010 11:47

oh and DP does do a lot round the house, dont get me wrong, i dont do everything, but even with his input its still a lot for me.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 15/12/2010 11:47

Well, the only choice for me was to go to work or go in Income Support. And as I was a teenage single mother already I didn't want to tick another scumbag box.

i got a job on the shop floor in a factory, no minimum wage back then but was fairly normal factory worker wages. I worked to pay the rent and the childcare. I had thruppence left at the end of the month and used to live on rice and soy sauce.

BUTit was the best thing I ever did. I ended up making friends with the technical team, got an apprenticeship as an engineer, ended up getting sponsored to do a degree by the company.

If I had stayed home that would have never happened. So for me it was a short term financial sacrifice for long term gain.

I never used to get tired, for some reason, despite working FT (shifts also), studying in the evening and being a mother to a baby. Probably because I was so young! Not like nowadays when I could go to bed every night quite happily at 9 o clock. i could NEVER even think of attempting that level of workload in my 30s.

Housework was never a problem, we were out all day so it never got messy, I sued to do laundry and hoovering etc at silly o'clock in the morning.

Main sacrifice was that I NEVER went out socially - I could nevr afford it, and wanted to spend all time with dd because I was out at work a lot. So friendships suffered. But that's fine, tbh.

DD is 15 now, i am so pleased that I have got to a good level in my career, and don't have to think about juggling everything.