to wonder how on earth working mums manage, both financially and mentally/physically?

[superv1xen]

by financially, i mean mums who are on minimum to average wage mostly.

i would love to go back to work, my DC are 18 mo and 4.6 but i honestly don't know how people do it. if i worked in the day i would have to pay for childcare and also juggle taking the DC to school / childminder, getting both kids ready and myself presentable for work, then get to work, do a days work then pick up the kids. and i am unlikely to get a job that pays much more than minimum wage, especially in the current climate. and after we have paid childcare i doubt i would have much change from my salary.

the other option would be to work evenings or weekends but i couldnt do that because after a day doing chores ie laundry, tidying, cleaning, school run, sorting the kids out etc i am as knackered as if i have done a full day at work (which i have really!) and couldnt imagine having to go out at night to work when all i want to do is collapse in front of the telly. i would just be exhausted. and if i worked weekends i would miss dp too much as thats our "quality time" as he works all week and is out of the house 12 hours a day in the week.

it isnt a criticism of working mums BTW, i honestly admire anyone who does it, i just dont know how they do it! :o

Exactly what BearCrimble said-except my job was rewarding and interesting. I gave up work in a couple of months ago in readiness for DD due in January. I had envisaged working until mid December, but some pregnancy related health issues scuppered that. I felt a bit like a fish out of water at first as I had been in my chosen career full time for 12 years. However, I have loved the time spent at home, and don't envisage returning/retraining for several years unless circumstances suddenly dictate otherwise.

YANBU - working mums are amazing but then in my opinion so are SAHM (to preschool children).

The thread title "to wonder how on earth SAHM manage, both financially and mentally/physically" could be just as viable.

I have a 3 and 1 year old and I have done both SAHM and WOHM.

As far as I can see there is not much difference in the workload. I am a SAHM now and between the hours of 8 and 6 I am doing childcare. With a demanding 1 and 3 year old the chances of getting much else done is remote, the house gets very messy and there is no lunch break. So household chores tend to be left to evenings and weekends as was when I was working (though only had one child at the time). However, I understand the illness crisis times are stressful for WOHM which I don't have to worry about now (unless I get really ill I suppose)

BairyHeaver - it upsets me that in your eyes SAHM are not allowed to be tired or busy or you see them as pathetic. If I was a WOHM working as a nanny/childminder between the hours of 8 and 6 I am sure that the attitude of people would be that its a demanding/tiring/busy job compared to say a desk job. But as soon as you are working looking after your own children it becomes a non recognisable job.

So in summary I would say both can be hard financially/physically/mentally and it probably comes down to other factors e.g. shared chores,amount of family help on hand, whether the children are easy/demanding, type of work you are doing etc to who has it harder. But then why do we feel the need to compare the hardness(?) of our life choices?

Actually, the financial part is the hardest to manage, because when the kids are small, childcare takes a massive chunk. But in the longer term, you really reap the benefits of staying in work.

As for how you manage physically and mentally... well, physically is quite challenging to begin with, particularly if still breastfeeding and waking in the night.

Mentally is no problem though... in fact I found it truly refreshing to have the different intellectual stimulation from work, than the stimulation you get at home

You would miss him too much at weekends? Many have no option but to work weekends. Many jobs do not have the choice to opt out of inc weekend hours. I cannot have children and it breaks my heart. I would love to have this 'dilemma' you pose. I'm sure i would find it exhausting to be a working mother. At the same time i'd consider myself totally blessed. The exhaustion would be so worth it.
However i do wish you all the best whatever you decide to do. No option is 'easy' whether work or SATM. It's just...life. You do what you gotta do.

I'm a teacher which helps with hours - plus had a fantastic childminder and support from parents ( lone parent) - now my DD is in secondary school - it should be easier yet I find myself just as busy - plus you have to be prepared to let things slide a bit in the perfect house front.

When I returned to work after first maternity leave, my take home after paying childcare was less than £100/week.

Was worth it though, as did find better paying and more interesting job. Once I return to work after second maternity leave will be down to less than SMP after deducting childcare costs for 2 and travel, but figure that it's worth it for long term career progression and earnings.

thanks for all the interesting replies :)

other than bairyheaver i think its a bit much that you think SAHM's are pathetic for saying they are busy or tired. i pretty much don't stop from 6.30am till 7.30pm. so i AM busy and i DO get tired!

After my children I simply assumed I would continue with my job as a lawyer...but there is no doubt that it is extraordinarily hard.

I have no family nearby and DH works long hours and is often away.

Finding good childcare that the children and I were happy with, was difficult.

For my family it did not work.

So I had a year at home. Much easier in terms of juggling everything. And no issues with child care. Kids happy. DH happy. But I loathed it.

Now I work flexibly from home. I run the house (with a lot of outsourcing) and look after the children when they're not in school. I work around their holidays/illnesses/commitments. I am still often very stretched, but we wiggle along.

And I am happy.

I manage to fit it all in by sleeping less (which suits me OK), ignoring small & unimportant stuff, sharing jobs with my DH and simplifying wherever I can.

because I have to lol, I work full-time 0830-1630. My DD goes to breakfast club and afterschool club. I am also a makeup rep and am studying for a degree with the OU. I am worn out all the time and more often than not am in bed by 2000 on a week night. My family all live about 100 miles away so the only break I get is when my DD goes there for a holiday, its easier now she's older though. I use my annual leave to take a day off to catch up with the housework but have accepted that this is my life

What is it about mnetters and clothes washing??

Ok. You buy 2 or 3 landry baskets. They must have 2 sections for colours and whites, removable lining bag with tie ends on top. You place one in each bedroom. For little dcs you can stick a coloured paper on one section and a white one the other (fun way of teaching colours). In the morning you or dh (take turns) remove one lining bag and tie the ends very tight. On your way to the bathroom throw this bag downstairs from the top of the stairs. Dcs can do the same (great fun). When you go downstairs and you wait for the toaster take the bag and put the clothes in the w/m. Shut the door and press ON (everybody can do that). Wash your hands and thats it. 1 minute of your day. In the evening put them to dry (again, a child can do that let alone a dh).

OP, the washing will be the least of your worries. What you need to bear in mind is back up for illnesses, snow days etc. Also your childcare might fall apart and then you have to go again through research, interviewing people etc plus the legal matters in the case of nanny or c/m. Unfortunately yes the less your wages the more challenging to solve these issues so i can see why you are not sure about working now when your youngest will go to school will be easier.

Agreed.

No one ever found working impossible because of housekeeping duties. They either do those duties as best they could, outsource them, or ignore them.

The real difficulty for most people is childcare.
Can you afford decent, reliable childcare that will be able to jump into the breach in an emergency?

I work full time as does DH. I have 2 under 5s.

Mornings - I get DS and DD dressed while DH sorts himself out. He then takes over and gives them breakfast while I get ready for work. I then take over and get them into their coats while he gets sorted and then he drives them to school / childcare.

I leave the house at the same time and start work at around 7.50am. I leave at 4.30, pick up the children from childcare, get home, cook dinner and do the dishwasher from the day before. DH gets home, we eat dinner, spend some time with the children and then put them to bed.

Once the DCs are in bed I do about an hours work from home and DH does whatever he needs to do.

On the weekend we do the washing, shopping and a nominal tidy.

We get by by being hyper organised and living in a messy house. One day I will be able to afford a cleaner

Childcare is a big cost and it would possibly work better if DH stayed at home - I can't as I am the main wage-earner. DH doesn't want to stay at home though and I respect that, so we live the life we do.

I think the answer is: If you have to do it, you do it!

Yeah, I don't get the housework thing either (or the laundry - and DS is in cloth nappies. We have a washing machine, it's easy!).

I read something recently by a WAHM that said "as long as the bathroom doesn't smell, there's no food out on the counters and everyone has clean clothes for the morning, it's fine." I agree.

what does WOHM or WAHM actually stand for btw?

i know SAHM but not those two!

WOHM = Working Out of the Home Mum
WAHM = Working At Home Mum

So going out to an office, versus running a business from home, sort of thing.

It is easy to manage. I worked from when my 22 was a year old, then when I had another five years later went back to work full time after five weeks.

So through two children I took just over a year off.

Had good childcare, my house was always spotless, I took work home, children and I done things socially too.

It isn;t hard at all, its being organised thats the crux of it.

classydiva I really don't think it is easy for everyone.

I found it impossible.

My job had long inflexible hours. DH is rarely around to help with either the looking after of children or the home. My family live hours away.

I found the whole thing unpleasant.

"It?s about my husband wanting to share in the care of our daughter before she goes to school. "

I agree otcha. Why is it OK for a dad to work stupid hours and never see his children?

For me its relatively easy but thats because my job is relatively well paid - I have a nanny to look after my 3 DC when I am not there and she does everything I would do eg tidy up, drive the kids around, look after baby, look after kids if they are ill. I pay her half my salary net salary.

I think it would be v difficult if I couldn't afford a nanny due to kids being ill (get send home from school or nursery).

Surely it's just a given that whilst you have small children "quality time" with your partner is mostly sacrificed??
It's not forever!

I was wondering the same op, when I realised DD1 and DD2 would only be at school for eight days in the month of April. [

MumNW - I think Nannies are undoubtedly the best form of childcare.

Illness, school half days etc are no problem.

And I have seen children become very attached to their nannies - wonderful relationships, partcularly wiht nannies who will go the extra mile for sports days, school concerts, matches, and, of course, play dates etc.

I think the main problem is that good ones are scarce and very expensive.

I think if you both have low-ish salaries then it is much better financially to both work, even with childcare costs. DH and I together take home less than 40k combined for full time work, and have a 2yo in full time nursery and a 7 yo in wrap around care - once you add in the tax credits we get, we are still about £500 a month better off both working than him staying at home with no childcare costs. (which, as the lower earner, he would have to).

I think the problem comes when your joint income goes above about 40k and then you don't get much in the way of tax credits, but still need to pay out childcare. I am due another baby in March and again we will be better off working, although I will only go back part time as the tax credits only pay towards childcare costs of about £300 per week, and full time nursery for 2 and wrap around for 1 is way over this. So I will simply reduce my hours until it becomes financially viable to work again (about 23pw). It would make sense for DH to go part time but he doesn't want to.

As for housework, why on earth would I do it all? We share making the mess/eating the food/wearing the clothes - so we share sorting it all out afterwards.

The main problem we find is, as others have said, when your child(ren) are ill - you need to use annual leave or domestic leave to cover it. But with 2 people working that's 2 loads of leave to use, so it generally works out OK.

You just get on with it.