to wonder how on earth working mums manage, both financially and mentally/physically?

[superv1xen]

by financially, i mean mums who are on minimum to average wage mostly.

i would love to go back to work, my DC are 18 mo and 4.6 but i honestly don't know how people do it. if i worked in the day i would have to pay for childcare and also juggle taking the DC to school / childminder, getting both kids ready and myself presentable for work, then get to work, do a days work then pick up the kids. and i am unlikely to get a job that pays much more than minimum wage, especially in the current climate. and after we have paid childcare i doubt i would have much change from my salary.

the other option would be to work evenings or weekends but i couldnt do that because after a day doing chores ie laundry, tidying, cleaning, school run, sorting the kids out etc i am as knackered as if i have done a full day at work (which i have really!) and couldnt imagine having to go out at night to work when all i want to do is collapse in front of the telly. i would just be exhausted. and if i worked weekends i would miss dp too much as thats our "quality time" as he works all week and is out of the house 12 hours a day in the week.

it isnt a criticism of working mums BTW, i honestly admire anyone who does it, i just dont know how they do it! :o

I would also add that whilst being paid monetarily, the mental boost going back to work gave me was invaluable. I went back when DS was 9 months and if I hadn't gone back, I don't know what state I'd be in now!

I do it because I have to.
I'm 35 weeks pg, have a 3yo and work evenings/weekends plus freelance from home.
the house is messy and I'm shattered but there's no other choice, we couldn't live without my wages coming in.

you're lucky to have the luxury of collapsing in front of the tv of an evening, it's just not an option here.

"you're lucky to have the luxury of collapsing in front of the tv of an evening, it's just not an option here."

Well said, robynlou

Don't get the tax credits thing - we have a combined income of £33k, and don't get any help with our childcare costs because of our incomes.

(We use childcare vouchers for most of them, but we tried to get help with the remainder, and just get a statement saying 'you would be entitled to this much, but because of your income you won't get any of it.')

We get the basic £10 a week credits, but nothing towards childcare.

I couldn't bear NOT working to be honest, although I do work in a well-paid, flexible and challenging/enjoyable job so I am very lucky. For example I am home now, waiting for the kids to get back, marking on the sofa (with MN for incentives!)

We have three kids and both work FT. We struggle to keep on top of the housework (mostly the laundry) but we earn enough to pay for help. AS others have said it is mostly during illness (this last month has been hellish) when the wheels come off.

Fortunately my children are spaced widely so it is only recently we have had TWO lots of childcare costs together, but soon major childcare costs will end as DS3 goes to school

But work is important to my identity, to my dignity (I can't bear having to ask someone else for money) and my long term future: what kind of life would I have when they all leave home if I don't have work? What kind of pension would I have? I think, even if I was low paid, I'd probably want to work to cushion myself against the future somewhat...

If you have that salary you may be better off without getting the childcare vouchers. We got them for a while until we realised that we were quite a bit worse off! It took me a while to figure out why, but I think it's because the value of the vouchers (and we both got them) mean you get that amount taken off your childcare costs. So, if eg you pay £700 pcm for childcare but get vouchers to the value of £520 (or whatever they both come to) then they only use the difference of £180 as childcare costs. So, when you are claiming for childcare they work on the basis of you paying £180 a month. At the same time, you can't reduce your income by the amount of the vouchers, as you get tax relief on them - so they are already 'accounted for'. So, according the them, you keep your full incomes but pay less childcare so therefore qualify for less. This is what happened to us.

When we realised, we stopped getting vouchers and could then claim for the full amount of childcare we were actually paying, as well as still declaring our full income. We did lose the tax relief but got significantly more tax credits as our childcare costs were so much higher. (although they hadn't actually changed, they didn't ignore the vouchers amount like previously).

Have you tried www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx You can type in the figures to get a rough idea of what you would get without vouchers.

Also, the hours you work might make a difference too - we both work over 30 hours. If you both work part time then you might not get childcare costs too.

All of my SIL's work and have several children. One spends half her wages in Starbucks and on buying clothes as 'stress relief' because she feels so hard done by with 3 children under 5, a demanding job, no live in childcare and no time to scratch her arse. Another one has high blood pressure, horrible menopausal symptoms and does her ironing at 6am. The last one smokes like a trooper and has the beginnings of osteoporosis. No time to go to the gym - well, with 4 children all at different schools, both of you working f/t and no help in the house what do you expect? Her DH had a breakdown a couple of years ago from very high levels of stress.

The one thing that all three have that I don't have is a dh who is able to work flexibly, or they themselves work flexibly.

I've racked my brain to think about how my three would be looked after if went back to work f/t, with dh out the house from 7am to 7pm 5 days a week. Can't suss it out right now so just work evenings and weekends, and the occasional few hours during the week during term time.

I'm not sure I've got the stamina for full time work anymore. Too old and crumbly. That's one of the problems with having your last child at nearly 40!

I work part-time, but DH works full-time. It's just that we get nothing at all at the moment (we did when our incomes were lower, was quite a shock when the tax year changed and they dropped from £40 a week to £10), so it feels like we wouldn't get anything more. However, that calculator implies that we would - agh, I'm not sure now! Trying to figure out exactly how much we save in the voucher tax relief?

Buy in help, easy

Shame about some hostility towards SAHMs again here, and 'just get your DP to share the housework blah blah' IME it's just not that simple! I work (4 days now, less until dc2 was 3.5), out of choice really, as I don't think I am suited to being a SAHM,and for financial security but not absolute necessity. I did SAH for as long as I enjoyed it, then wanted a few hours a week doing something else. I did voluntary work for Homestart for 1.5 years, then studied and got some paid work from home, then WOHM Although I don't have a lot left after chidcare costs, it is still worth it and I am getting a pension and other benefits building up gradually. Next year child care costs will be getting less (dd starts secondary) and I should start to reap the benefits. Yes it's exhausting, especially getting us all out of the house in the morning with very little help, and I hate getting in with the kids on these dark evenings with only a short time before the bedtime routine, but for me it's worth it in the long run. (I think!)

Rhian82 - You could always call Tax Credits themselves and ask them, that's what I did in the end as I got so confused! I think the tax relief is only a small amount if you pay basic rate tax, and we certainly found the savings in tax were less than the money we got in tax credits.

Try this website www.childcarevouchers.co.uk/parents/helpandsupport/pages/default.aspx It is the one I used to get vouchers from via my employer and it has some calculators on to work out the differences.

I think one of the main problems with the current tax/credit/childcare system is that it is just so blommin' complicated! They were also bery evasive about the tax savings on the vouchers - I had to figure that one out for myself. Then add on the fact that every time you speak to someone on the HM Revenue phone number they seem to give different answers....

I have found that first website is very accurate - we put in our current figures and they matched.

I think most women are conflicted about working/at home with DC.

Certainly friends find working pt/ft tough and I find SAHM tough as I would rather be working. But hey ho, that's life. We just have to get on with it don't we.

I know that this is an old thread but I thought that I would make a comment - some of us don't have a huge amount of choice. If you are earning significantly more than your other half then whether you want to go back or not it changes the dynamics as to whether you go back or not. As it happens for me, although I took the maximum maternity leave, I wanted to carry on having a career (if I could!) That doesn't mean that every day is a juggling exercise (my job is not 9 to 5)and without a supportive partner and wonderful people to help me it would be possible. The downside is (as with all working mums I seem to have a guilt complex, despite the fact that my little one seems extremely happy and well balanced!

Sorry meant to say - does rather than doesn't!!!

I go to work for a break! I love my job (part time; minimum wage) and I also love spending time with my dd.

If I spent all day, everyday at home there would be far more housework than there is now.

If I went back to my previous job as a teacher I don't know how I'd cope. sadly I may have to as being a jeweller and jewellery designer sadly dosn't pay enough. if I end up as a famous jewellery designer I'd happily jack in the teaching.

Don't forget working tax creddits

TBH I think it depends on the situation.

Financially - DS is at school so I pay for breakfast and afterschool club which is subsidised by tax credits. Really struggling though.

mentally - I have to work as the only parent I know its my responsibility so am mentally geared up that way.

physically - gods knows!! Just have no choice!

I am a lone parent though, 1 DS aged 6yo, I work in a special school as an LSA so only work slightly longer days than the school day, and have weekends and holidays at home with DS. I am also doing an OU degree to get a better job to sort out the financial side of it.

I work full time because i am the highest earner and I have to,so I leave at 7.45am and get back at 6pm. I am lucky with child care costs now as DDs are old enough not to need it and between them, DH's shifts and my mum, DS's child care is also covered.
However it is bloody hard work and weekends - laughingly referred to as my days off - are just a blur of housework, laundry, shopping and catching up with all the things that haven't been done during the week.Evenings are spent taxiing the older two, doing dinner, homework etc and preparing uniform and packed lunches for the next day. There is no quality of life whatsoever but you get on with it because that's the way it is.My sis is a SAHM and thinks she has a hard life -don't make me laugh. Now that the kids are at school,what does she DO all day?

I find it hard to cope sometimes...the main thing is thatr i have put loads of weight on since returning to work. Its difficult trying to suite everyone and everything.

You would get help with childcare if your household income warrants it.

It is easy you get in a routine, get up at a set time, make sure the house is always tidy.

I used to have everything ready the night before, kids got up got them dressed, got them out drove to work, lunchtimes I used to go home and do some housework, or do the shopping. Get home do dinner straight away, put washing on, tidy up again, bath kids, put them to bed and relax.

It's not easy but if organised it can be done.

I currently work longer hours than DH because my work load is so heavy ( and no I don't get paid overtime :( ) We both work full time though And certainly way over 40 hours.

DH is amazing, he does the school run and DD's evening meal every day. I think the key to making it work is teamwork and being there for each other.

DH is the main wage earner by a mile but the difference between me working and not would be over £2000 per month ( my salary less child care costs)
Emotionally and physically it can be hard but what other option do we have? We just make the most of the time we do have together and live for the weekends and holidays. Sometimes I think there must be an easier way but as of yet we?ve not won the lottery...

I work because I enjoy it and as an investment in my future career - I don't make any money after childcare costs but they won't be this high forever. And we rarely spend evenings watching TV (this is a fact not an implied criticism of you BTW) eg, right now I am meant to be working and DH is cleaning the kitchen. I often work 8pm-10pm at night to catch up plus some hours at the weekend.

PT work is a great option if you can find it - leaves you time to catch up on chores and often means you can be more flexible re. childcare and take home more cash because of the tax allowance etc.

It's easier as your DC get older (speaking as someone who has always worked FT, and DC are now 9 and 12) but I still find it bloody hard work most of the time, tbh. That's not just because I've been a LP for the last 2 years - when I was with my Ex he did nothing in terms of housework/childcare etc so actually its easier without him as I have no-one to nag me about the fact I haven't hoovered in the last 24 hours, or there are dirty plates in the sink

Being out of the house for 12 hours a day isn't easy. but unfortunately if you have to work, you have to work. I need to pay my mortgage etc so don't have a choice. I don't particularly enjoy my current job, I have applied for one I would love, but that would involve a 4 hour commute (2 hours each way!) so in terms of time, worse rather than better.

I'm new in these parts and normally lurk but I'm finding this thread really interesting

I work 40 hours, DH works 48 hours. Its a case of having to. We work all weekend (manage a pub) and work long shifts but due to debt needing to be paid off we have no option. The children are not yet school age but I know when they reach school age things will have to change or I won't be able to spend any quality time with them.

Apart from one day a week we work opposite shifts so we don't pay a lot out in childcare costs as we share the childcare plus housework between us

I feel ok most of the time but sometimes I do get down and feel like I don't give my job or my children 100% but until most of the debt is paid off we simply have no option

Right...must remember to buy a lottery ticket next week....

It's so hard, but you just get on with it. I always assume everyone is more stressed than I am. hahahaha.

Worth it when we can do 'stuff' though!