It's official - I no longer exist!

[DrSeuss]

Another batch of cards this morning addressed to the mystery woman who lives in my house. I did not take my husband's name on marriage thirteen years ago, although I have no problem if others want to do so. I could understand if people addressed cards to X and Y Thingy, but what's with the whole Mr and Mrs X Thingy? My initial isn't X, my surname isn't Thingy. Et voila, I have ceased to exist! Most of these come from DH's family, who were at the wedding. I have learned to spell one Polish surname, one Italian and one Japanese in order to address cards to in-laws. Is it really asking too much for them to learn one simple English first name and a very short Scottish surname? I Know it's only a little thing but I do find it annoying!

I kept my own name when we got married and my MIL actually asked if it was legal for me to do this! Also received a birthday card this year with my own name on it (a first) but written underneath was c/o my DH. He's going to have another word with her!

oh my god! easyoptionwoman

i'm speechless that she really seems to believe you don't exist in your own right! that's even worse than the OP's problem!

I know this thread's dead, but I had to share....

Thsi morning, at church, a card was left for "mr & Mrs I DHsname" so I went up to DH and said, "here's a card for you and your other wife". He opened the card and found it addressed to DH & Nicola ! (my name's Andrea IRL)
and from a church person who was even at our wedding !
See, I said DH was a bigamist, and now it's been confirmed! thank god I didn't assume it was for me!

nickel!

YAANBU - I am not a Mrs, nor a Ms, nor a Ms, but a Dr X; letters addressed to Mr & Mrs Y get very short shrift indeed in my house. If you've spent years having one name, you shouldn't have to lose your name just because you want to get married. It is a load of old-fashioned nonsense - we're not property to be foisted off by our parents onto our husbands. And I do find it disrespectful - 'my' people never do it!

GoCompare told me I couldn't be a Miss and married when I tried to get a quote for car insurance. They probably dobbed me in to DH for being naughty and pretending I'm my own person.

Well, I ahve been married to DH for 12 years. I've never fully adopted DH's name, but I've put up with cards to Mrs X on my birthday/ Christmas instead of to Miss A. You see I pay NI and tax in the name of Miss A, as far as the government are concerned I am Miss A not Mrs X. However, MIL continues togive me a cheque at Christmas in the name of Mrs X. I do not bank in the name of Mrs X and I go blue in the face telling MIL this every time....

Oh jamama I totally agree with you! I kept using Miss A due to my profession. I get totally fed up, but obviously MIL will never learn ...

.....but does she rewrite you a cheque with your actual name on it? If not she must be laughing, and you are missing out!

Ha! She amends the cheque from Mrs X to Mr X and DH then has to pay it into HIS bank account - very annoying. Anyway, I then kidnap DH's debit card and use it to buy copious lovely things on the internet to make up for MIL's behaviour.

Bizarre how many people believe the kind of myths that are always mentioned on these threads - 'it's against the law' to keep your own name/register the child in the woman's name and so on. I can understand people making a mistake, but what on earth makes them assume that their prejudices must be The Law Of The Land?

YANBU

My family do this and make a big fuss about me not having changed my name. We recently got a parcel for Mr and Mrs OH's name and he had to take time off work to get it cos I have no ID in that name.

And my brother sent me an email with a long list of reasons that I should change my name when DD was born. They included 'because people might think you are not married', 'DD might get confused' and '99% of women change their names when they get married'.

My father uses the wrong names and titles just to piss me off.

OH's family don't appear to give a stuff.

I think it is disrespectful of them not to use the name I have requested and have never changed. This year will be a watershed. If my brother doesn't use the right name I'm going to tell him where to go. And/or send any presents back. From New Zealand.

My favourite comment is that of my Nana, who says "it's so difficult to remember what your name is" - really? What with not having changed it at all in 38 years I thought it might be relatively simple :)

We get all sort of variations on cards and I tend not to worry too much, but I draw the line at Mrs [DH's initial] [DH's surname] - WTF is that about? You may be unsure if I've changed my surname (although you shouldn't really if you know me at all) but you know I haven't changed my first name!

When we were getting married, my MIL asked if I was taking DH's name. I said no, keeping mine, and she went off on a long feminist rant about how great that was and how much she approved, and how she'd wanted to do the same and post-divorce had leapt at the chance to regain her true name.

Every single card since is addressed to "Mr and Mrs [DH first and second name]".

Oh, and on the Debretts issue, I once had an invite to a charity thing where it said "The Princess Royal, Mrs Tomothy Laurance, and Commander Timothy Laurence." So not only did her main title go first, but SO DID SHE. Take that, anti-feminist twaddle-speakers!

(I'll ignore the whole male-preference primogeniture part. Ditto the iniquity of a head of state by genetic lottery. Details.)

I don't mind being referred to as Mrs (DHsLastName) but then he doesn't get in a flap when he is referred to as Mr (MorlothsLastname) which actually happens more often for us.

The only time I get annoyed is if something is addressed to Mr & Mrs D DHsLastName. Yuck.

I also use Ms, always have, it isn't any more important for people to know if I am married or not than it is for them to know it about DH.

I HATE being referred to by DH's first and last name with only a Mrs to identify me. It's like I don't exist at all.

shelscrape bloody cheek - it's like she doesn't trust you with your own bank account and money so 'big strong husband must aportion out when he sees fit to little wifey' bleugh - what a cow! Your DH needs to have a loud word with his DM

My PiLs only started addressing things to me in my own name after DH died - I had never changed my name (married 15 years) but they never really accepted it. I suppose once DH died they realised they couldn't really carry on writing to Mr & Mrs Notmyname when there wasn't a Mr Notmyname. They still can't quite manage Ms though - I just don't get a title.

What really annoys me though is a cousin (female, my age, Cambridge grad, career type ie should know that lots of women don't change their names) who still sends me Christmas cards addressed to Mrs Myinitial Notmyname, even though every year I send her a card with my actual name and the return address on the back.

still, I'm dragging out this bigamy thing with DH - now when we get home i nthe evening, I can ask if any cards came for him and Nicola - it's such a relief to be able to give his other wife a name at last

that's really sad exexpat
:(

YANBU. We are in the same situation and I get greatly annoyed too, as people simply ignore my wish. I have thought about sending cards to the offenders addressed to Mickey Mouse but obviously have never acted on it...

I always address cards to married couples (unless I know they have not changed their name) to Mr & Mrs (x) (xx)

x being husband's initial
xx beung husband's surname

It was the way I was taught to address letters to married couples. It has never occured to be to be offended by it TBH.

I don;t use the husbands initial when address a female on their own though.

If I knew someone had retained their name I would change the way I addressed the card, but you have to admit it is more faff to fit on the envelope.

And I would never know re the whole are they Mrs, Miss or Ms malarky either - again, unless omeone tells me otherwise I would use Mrs if they are married.

I use first names iwthin the card so noone could assume they didn't exist - they'd be mentioned inside regard;less using their first name.

Um excuse me Nickel, just what are you playing at changing your name just when i have nominated you to win the Xmas name change prize along with ethelina and others he-he! like it though.

P.S have name changed too as promised (tho a good week or so late)