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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to politely request no gifts?

143 replies

itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 21:09

4 days before Christmas is my dd's birthday/party. The location of the party means that there will more than likely be a fair walk to the car. In addition in the venue there is no storage space whatsoever. She's having a large party, and I'm now having nightmares, after someone said what are you going to do with all those presents. I hadn't even thought of presents. It's becoming a logistical nightmare, time is tight, so I can't give myself or dh time to get presents back to car. I don't particularly want to leave presents in the car due to risk of theft.

If you were coming to this party, and received an email along the following lines would you be peeved, and would it get your hackles up:

Hope you are looking forward to the party, we most definitely are. Please may we request that due to logistics of storage, that you do not bring presents. See you there x.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 07/12/2010 22:34

No I don't expect anything if I'm hosting ,but I just would feel uncomfortable going to a party empty handed

Original poster

itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:36

It is a seated performance - that's the max your getting out of me.

OP posts:

BonzoDooDah · 07/12/2010 22:38

awwwwww good luck with it. Sounds like you've put loads of effort in for your daughter - hope she enjoys it.

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 22:39

Can you come back and tell us afterwards? I feel like I need to know now!

starrychime · 07/12/2010 22:50

As it's 4 days before Xmas what if folk decide to hand over any Xmas pressies they might have for you, DH and DD as well in a "we probably won't see you before Xmas so thought we'd give you this now" sort of way -you might need a trailer

JarethTheGoblinKing · 07/12/2010 22:52

Thinking about it, I would simply say in the invite "please don't feel obliged to bring a gift, your presence is all that's required" or something equally twee

Inertia · 07/12/2010 23:20

You'll probably find that a few parents will accept the invitation and, at the same time, ask whether there is anything in particular they could bring as a gift. This would be a perfect time to say something like " Please don't feel obliged to bring a present, we will be struggling for space". Most people would then take this as a cue to buy either a voucher or something very small, or take it at face value and not buy anything. The other bonus here is that the parents will talk to each other and pass this on , so the message should get round with you only needing to tell a few people. (At least this was how it worked when my DD attended a no-presents party).

On the day, I gather you have a ratio of 1 adult to 4 children? So could you not just provide each adult with a large carrier bag and get them to look after the presents from the children they are supervising?

BigTillyMincepie · 08/12/2010 06:20

One of my friends did a few birthdays for her DC when they requested a donation for the DC to buy a goat (or other) for a village in a 3rd world country. Her DC chose how to spend the donations and seemed quite happy to do so - I think they chose from a booklet / online?

Could you send an email/text saying "as DD's party is so close to Christmas, and in the spitit of giving, instead of a present for DD, she would be very grateful if you would like to make a small donation so that she can buy a goat/whatever for a familiy in a country in need"? Bit waffly, sorry!

Original poster

itsasmallworld · 08/12/2010 07:39

Oh god starry chime if they do that I'm screwed!!!

Invites have already gone, and everyone has already accepted.

Family ones I'm going to be straight and say it out - that's what family's for right

School friends I'm seeing a lot today, I think I will mention 'OMG what a logistical nightmare etc' and hope they get the not so subtle hint, and pass it on to others.

Old friends I will ask them specifically if they wouldn't mind if they do want to give presents that they give them at the end.

Hopefully it's sorted.

I'll let you all know how it goes, and what it was specifically after the event.

OP posts:

RockinRobinBird · 08/12/2010 07:42

Bloody hell Tilly, the child is only 6 and has a birthday close to Christmas, don't you think she's suffering enough? What a miserable suggestion.

You can't say no presents, you wouldn't say that if her birthday was in July, you just think you can get away with it at this time of year. You're just going to have to work it out.

throckenholt · 08/12/2010 07:58

I would be fine with that - we had a party for our 3 and requested no presents just because we couldn't face 20 x 3 lots of pressies !

A few people still brought something but it was much more manageable.

I would try and have a special "birthday" treat some other time.

Two of mine have a January birthday and we had a half birthday for them in the summer this year - they loved it.

BigTillyMincepie · 08/12/2010 08:09

I didn't say I would do it (or that my DC would stand for it!) but a friend did do it, more than one year, and as 60 people are invited, even if only some did that.....

FreudianSlippery · 08/12/2010 08:12

For the love of gawd itsasmallworld PLEASE keep a notebook with you when she opens the presents! Lots of thank you notes to write!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/12/2010 08:22

You ave hired the cinema aven't you woman ?

My god you're mad !!

itsstillgood · 08/12/2010 08:35

I always ask for no presents on the invitations to my dc's parties. Usually with the jokey line - 'It is your presence not your presents we look forward to'
I suggest that if people like they might like to contribute a shiny coin towards ... (bigger present £20ish pound worth that dc really would like, often on theme of party)
This approach seems to please everyone.
However as I said I do this on the invitations not sure whether doing it later is a good idea as may well find people have bought something already and would be a touch put out.

altinkum · 08/12/2010 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

classydiva · 08/12/2010 09:10

Are you trying to impress with the party? Is the party actually for you and not your daughter.

How mean to even think to ask people not to bring presents.

Most youngsters just want their closest friends, seems to me you invited all and sundry to please you not the child.

staranise · 08/12/2010 09:24

This topic comes up again and again on AIBU and I'm always in the minority but I just really don't see the problem with requesting no presents. The idea that it's "like a slap in the face" is a little absurd! Do most children really think a party is all about receiving the maximum number of presents!?

We've done it a couple of times, usually when one of the DDs has had a particularly large party (eg, she had a joint 4th party which had 40 children). You'll find that that some people will bring presents anyway, but requesting no presents cuts out those who are bringing something jsut for the sake of it/can't really afford it etc.
Alternatively, like someone said, speak informally to the parents you know and say don't bring anything or just something small eg, a voucher or pens - this happens a lot at DD's school because there are so many large parties.

ANy presents that do turn up ont eh day have to be accepted graciously but i swear, your DDs won't notice if even 50 of those 60 presents are missing.

Original poster

itsasmallworld · 08/12/2010 16:21

I've not hired the whole venue (not cinema).

I'm not trying to impress with the party - it was thinking outside of the box due to time of year, makes it very difficult to do a lot of the cheaper party ideas. This was cheap, and numbers were no problem, I wasn't expecting up take, due to being during holidays etc, and was pleasantly surprised that everyone has said yes, and more have asked if they could come, and I had no problem with saying yes.

Until now when I've realised that they are more than likely going to turn up with a gift in tow!!!

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 08/12/2010 16:38

Get a relative to load his/her car and put a blanket over them.

Irishchic · 08/12/2010 17:58

Have you hired a double decker bus to have the party on?

Dansmommy · 08/12/2010 23:19

Nice to see Classydiva's cheery presence brightening up the thread.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 08/12/2010 23:57

Aww is it a panto that you are going to?

I think the best suggestion is to take both vehicles and put children in 1 and prezzies in the other.

ShoppingDays · 09/12/2010 00:02

YABU

Sparkle2010 · 09/12/2010 07:20

I'm thinking its cadbury world or sea life centre

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