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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to politely request no gifts?

143 replies

itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 21:09

4 days before Christmas is my dd's birthday/party. The location of the party means that there will more than likely be a fair walk to the car. In addition in the venue there is no storage space whatsoever. She's having a large party, and I'm now having nightmares, after someone said what are you going to do with all those presents. I hadn't even thought of presents. It's becoming a logistical nightmare, time is tight, so I can't give myself or dh time to get presents back to car. I don't particularly want to leave presents in the car due to risk of theft.

If you were coming to this party, and received an email along the following lines would you be peeved, and would it get your hackles up:

Hope you are looking forward to the party, we most definitely are. Please may we request that due to logistics of storage, that you do not bring presents. See you there x.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 07/12/2010 22:01

What people invited themselves Shock

weasle · 07/12/2010 22:02

Blimey, i am amazed reading this.

i have 3 dc, and all our birthday party invitations have requested no presents. except ds1's 1st birthday when we had an obscene number (yes, probably 60!). i have learnt from that, and do not want a huge table full again. some people do bring a small book or sticker books which is great (but i can't put only books on the invitation!)

i have tried before having a charity box but no-one put anything in it.

my dc get lots of presents from grandparents and us, and we invite people we want to the party, not worry about it getting too big and overwhelming with presents.

the bonus is i don't have to write thank you cards (dc still too young to do them) as i am busy enough! but now i see MN thinks i am mean to my dc!

i agree the email suggests they give your dd presents at another time, how about a simple 'no presents please'

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:03

Weasle has anyone in RL said anything negative about that?

OP posts:
Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:05

My only concern with using one of my 15 adults to help with running presents around, is that that's another 4 kids we have to keep an eye on.

Yes I am aware some people have more than 4 children, but I'm a lot more wary of caring for other people's kids than I am my own!!!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 07/12/2010 22:05

I'm amazed too ,and I have 3 dcs .. all grown up now and we only had small parties ..never felt the need for competitive partying

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 22:05

Surely some parents will stay?

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:09

It's not competitive partying I found a fantastic deal, this is actually the cheapest party I have ever done, and our parties have previously been max of 12 people.

I had just forgotton all about presents, I've got everything else done, just forgot that they'll be giving gifts!!!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/12/2010 22:09

If I were your dd i would be really upset disappointed about the no presents thing, thats all the fun of birthdays. There are many suggestions on here that you could try instead of denying your dd presents. She is only 6 and to expect her to go with your no presents rule is a bit U imo.

ClaireDeLoon · 07/12/2010 22:10

Can't you just issue each adult with a carrier bag and each adult therefore has a bag with 4 presents in? That's not such a big deal surely?

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:10

Taintedsnow - they better not!!! Wink
No it's ticket only - not a turn up and enter party.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:11

As long as the presents are small reasonable sizes that will be fine. Those bag of life bags, are good size aren't they?

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 07/12/2010 22:12

It's too late to say no presents or only book tokens/vouchers, it's this weekend - most parents will already have a gift, I'd be pissed off if you suddenly decided this late to decide I should get something else or nothing. However, suggesting pressies at pick up would be fine with me.

weasle · 07/12/2010 22:17

everyone has actually been very positive about it (to my face!). lots were enthusiastic about the charity thing but i think a kids party is so busy you forget/don't find the tin etc. but i don't know anyone else who has copied it, perhaps that says they don't agree!

i have enough plastic toys in the house, but love a good party so this way we have a great time, dc have their friends there and have fun and eat cake.

TBH we are very lucky with very generous grandparents that DH and I struggle to find things to buy.

I don't want my ds to expect every friend to come with a gift, their presence should be enough.

evolucy7 · 07/12/2010 22:19

Come on taintedsnow bad etiquette? It's a 6 year olds birthday party! Hmm

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:24

We are also very lucky on the GP front and we have 4 sets due to remarriage. DH and I were only commenting this evening that we only had the cheapest smallest items to buy on Santa's behalf as the dc lists contained 5 items, and the GPs have bought the other 4. On Sunday I was trying to buy some stocking fillers for my eldest and no lie every item I picked up my mum said 'oh that's good I've got her that'. I was like 'Mum is there nothing I can buy' she said 'But I like doing it'. Don't get me wrong it is lovely to have such generous GPs.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 07/12/2010 22:25

Would you turn up to a party empty handed? I wouldn't

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:27

When requested I have taken just a card. If nothing said, I will always attend with a gift.

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starrychime · 07/12/2010 22:29

Wondering how you'll get 60 pressies, you, DD and DH into one car - is it massive? Could the 15 adults maybe do a relay one at a time to cars and divide pressies up between their various car boots to hide them and you could arrange for them to be dropped at yours on the way home or something?

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 22:30

It's a 6-year-olds birthday party, but it's run by adults. So there's no need for the face evo, I'm willing to bet most if not all people receiving an invite will have a catsbumface at the mention of specified presents. I can't see why you're surprised tbh.

Aside from the fact that it is bad etiquette full stop, it's like a slap in the face to people who have given presents before, or who have already bought presents. You could've got away with requesting no presents at all, but probably only if you had mentioned this at the time of giving out the invites. But then you're still left with an upset child on the day, which would no doubt be inevitable.

I'm sorry, but I think anything other than accepting the presents that are given on the day will put someones nose out of joint.

weasle · 07/12/2010 22:31

well, some people do, or bring a bottle of wine or flowers for us, or books or stickers for dc, or a nice photo they had taken of ds they have printed out. but we don't want anything, we want to have fun with our/ds friends, so i don' care/don't notice what each person turns up with really.

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:32

One of our cars is an estate so we would take that one.

Unfortunately there won't be anyone going are way.

60 presents is going to be a very big pile isn't it?!? Now no longer concerned about getting it in the car - how does one fit 60 presents into one's house.

Maybe I'll change the request to 5cm cubed maximum size!!!

OP posts:
weasle · 07/12/2010 22:32

sorry, that was a reply to usualsuspect

taintedsnow · 07/12/2010 22:33

Would it not be possible to take two cars, just in case?

BonzoDooDah · 07/12/2010 22:34

Oh you are mean not telling us what it is. Is it so bad if one of your guests works out what the thing is?

Is it a circus? A pantomime? Ballet? Haunted House walk???

We need to knooooooooooooooooow!!!!!!

[please]

Original poster
itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 22:34

Yes I could take the other one - hasn't got much boot space, but I could put our children in that - and then put all seats flat in the estate.

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