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AIBU?

to politely request no gifts?

143 replies

itsasmallworld · 07/12/2010 21:09

4 days before Christmas is my dd's birthday/party. The location of the party means that there will more than likely be a fair walk to the car. In addition in the venue there is no storage space whatsoever. She's having a large party, and I'm now having nightmares, after someone said what are you going to do with all those presents. I hadn't even thought of presents. It's becoming a logistical nightmare, time is tight, so I can't give myself or dh time to get presents back to car. I don't particularly want to leave presents in the car due to risk of theft.

If you were coming to this party, and received an email along the following lines would you be peeved, and would it get your hackles up:

Hope you are looking forward to the party, we most definitely are. Please may we request that due to logistics of storage, that you do not bring presents. See you there x.

OP posts:

Report

itsasmallworld · 09/12/2010 07:25

It gets worse not better - the parents I spoke to verbally are horrified that I said please don't bring presents think of logistics. So that's out. But they are talking about clubbing together, so I've got to give group presents ideas so now thinking of gifts around £20.

BUT this is the real worse part, another 7 want to come - how could I refuse. Don't mind them coming, lovely to see them, but I don't want 67 presents!!! (That seems very wrong to say, but I hope you know what I mean).

OP posts:

Animation · 09/12/2010 07:44

Oh - for goodness sakes - lighten up.

And bring on the presents!! - have a good time.

BlathIceSkate · 09/12/2010 08:09

This thread makes me

DD was born 8 days before Christmas last year so we're just approaching the first of many close-to-Christmas birthdays and then I see "the child is only 6 and has a birthday close to Christmas, don't you think she's suffering enough?"

As for the op - There's got to be a way round storing and bringing home all of the presents. Christmas or not, she's 6 and presents are important when you're 6.

Cretaceous · 09/12/2010 08:14

I can't believe that anyone thinks the OP is being mean. How can any one child have 60 presents! It's just obscene. How will she possibly enjoy them? And how spoilt will she become? I don't think your enjoyment is increased the more presents you have.

Totally agree with BigTillyMincepie re collecting money for charity. That's a lovely idea. We've done that, and my DC didn't miss the presents at all - it was at their instigation. And we got just as much pleasure from our llamas in S America as we would have from a pile of tatt.

[miserable old woman emoticon]

FantasticDay · 09/12/2010 08:21

OK. So there are family coming. You could ask family members to collect pressies (in bin bags or whatever) then bring them round to yours after. People won't go with the no pressies thing in my experience. We tried to do it with our wedding at first - two people gave to charity. The other 78 or so insisted on the pressies.

Ragwort · 09/12/2010 08:41

I absolutely agree with Cretaceous - you cannot expect a child to receive 60 gifts - I think people should respect a 'no present please' policy without question. A party (or wedding) is fun for its own sake and children (and adults) need to accept this.

Apart from the sheer greed aspect of it, what on earth are you going to do with all those presents?

I have done the 'no present' rule at our wedding, my son's christening and other parties and, in the vast majority of cases people have understood.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2010 08:57

For goodness sake, there is no need to have somewhere to 'store gifts securely'. Just put them in a pile on the floor in the room where the party is. Bin bags are a good idea.

To the OP - sounds a bit nuts to me having a party this big. WHY do people do this? In my experience I've found children just being too overwhelmed with large parties and don't really enjoy them much at all. Stick to 12-15 of their close friends in future.

RockinRobinBird · 09/12/2010 12:45

BlathIceSkate don't be silly, you've taken it out of context. The 'suffering' was to a suggestion that the child might prefer a goat in Africa instead of presents. DD has a near Christmas birthday and family have birthdays on Christmas day itself. Hardly reason for the :( face.

But I think it's a bit rich for the parents to organise a party that suits them more than the child and then stamp their feet about presents. The reason the op is eyeballing 60 presents is because she invited 60 children, her fault not her daughter's. To then turn to the child and say sorry dear, no pressies there were too many people is not very nice.

Animation · 09/12/2010 12:56

This is real THWARTING of a 6 year old's birthday party if you ask me - with NO presents!!

You've got to be joking

kittens · 09/12/2010 13:07

It is possible for children to not want presents. My DD1 has always had large parties in addition to a family party (very large family), so she has never wanted presents from friends and instead has requested a donation to her chosen charity - it has always been her idea. Some children are just not materialistic at all or have everything they could ever want and don't want anything more.

Itasmallworld - I understand your pain DD1s parties are always huge because I can't say no to any child!! You could suggest no presents, but if they really want to get something then do vouchers or alternatively one parent can collect a donation from the others for a present of you DD's choice which can be given to her before the party or just after rather than at the party.

Hope this helps - can I come the party!!

RockinRobinBird · 09/12/2010 13:10

Of course it is, if it's their choice then fine. Doesn't sound like it's the op's daughter's choice.

Animation · 09/12/2010 13:12

Kittens - your DDI requests donations to her chosen charity?

Wow!!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/12/2010 13:14

Good luck. I tried to have a no present party for DD just before we left Thailand. I'd say 50% went along with my request to either make a donation to charity or give DD a book token. The others got her some really hideous plastic tat that we ended up taking to the local orphanage.
I should add, DD was in complete agreement.

itsasmallworld · 09/12/2010 22:12

Dancergirl there is nowhere to pile the presents. The place would have a fit, on so many levels, and probably most likely the good old H&S would be there main one.

DD has no concept of 67 presents - I have no concept of 67 presents!!!

Kittens of course you can, but please may I request you don't bring a gift

In previous years my dd has got to Christmas, and has turned down presents, i.e. physically refused to open them and has ended up in us giving her gifts to open all the way up to Easter.

With this lot, I think the summer holidays could still be gift opening.

OP posts:

LadyInaManger · 10/12/2010 08:21

I just remembered that when DD was a baby we had a naming ceremony for her and on the invites we wrote "please no presents" at the bottom - everyone adhered to our request with no exceptions so it can be done. No one was offended either. I know this is different as it is a birthday and the child is 6 but i don't think my suggestion of vouchers or a monetary contribution is so out there and it would sort this dilemma out. It wouldn't have to be every year just this one. My DD is 6 and i'm pretty sure i could get her on board with vouchers etc to buy what she would like as Christmas is coming and she will get lots of presents she can open and be surprised at then.

OP YANBU but my suggestion and others like it are a simple solution.

ShoppingDays · 10/12/2010 09:38

Or maybe they were too polite to say they didn't really like the request?

"No one was offended either"

christmaswishes · 10/12/2010 10:27

Hi itsasmallworld,

You accepted 67 guests so expect similar amounts of gifts! Why are you making such a fuss about all these gifts and such a big deal - go with the flow, chill out. Accept the presents then you can give some to charity . There is plenty of kids in need of gifts at this time of year, make other kids happy who are less fortunate. It would be rude to say don't bring gifts. It should not be an issue! really!

monkeyflippers · 10/12/2010 10:54

I wouldn't tell people not to bring presents, I think that is too harsh on your little girl! Most people will probably only bring a little thing anyway. Plus they might have already bought it.

I would try to think of another way around it like get some friends to help or someone who can load your car or look after the presents for you or take them back to their house or something.

Flip

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