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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked that my (childless) friend said this?

144 replies

tjandpootle · 07/12/2010 09:54

Last weekend I went to stay with an old friend and her DH (they don't have any kids - their choice). We took our 2 pre-school DCs, as did two other couples (also friends of ours).

None of the kids were especially naughty but they do come with a certain degree of chaos, mess and noise. My friend's DH literally followed the kids around with a hand-held hoover, tutting audibly all the time. At one point he ripped into my DS as he'd knocked a small bowl of crisps on the floor.

In the morning my friend made an audible dig about being woken up by screaming kids - my DD (not yet 1) woke up at 7am which is late for her and was just making normal chatty noises, not screaming.

When we went to leave, my friend said "The problem with the world today is that children have it too easy and we need another war to galvanise British spirit and teach them one or two things about survival."

I was Shock and lost for words.

Does she have a point or am I right to be Shock?

OP posts:
saffy85 · 07/12/2010 16:12

Hahahahahaahahahahahahaha!

YANBU I'm sorry but if you don't like children causing a bit of mess and chaos do not invite half a dozen to your home at one time, especially not for a whole weekend!

If this couple of wankers ever do have any of their own DC please, please get back to us and tell us if their bollocks theory about parenting actually worked, or if they ate their words! Grin made my day that comment by your friend!

Limez · 07/12/2010 16:20

Oh Jesus....

I realise, reading this, that I used trot out the exact same guff as magichomes. I really believed it was all about control.

at my ignorance.

stnikkilarse1978 · 07/12/2010 16:31

"Of course, because I don't know any children, or any parents. Let alone any well-behaved kids or any unselfish parents."

I know some people with disabled children, doesn't mean I have any idea what their life is like nor do I presume to judge it.

As I said you are being rude.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twirlymum · 07/12/2010 17:12

I have two DC's, and I find it difficult when some friends visit.
Some let their DC's jump around on our furniture, leave sticky fingerprints on the TV, drop food and drink on the floor without clearing it up etc.
My own children do not do this in their own home, so I do find it annoying when others let their DC's run riot. It's something we put up with for the sake of friendship, but it does rankle.
Some parents have different standards of acceptable behaviour.

chipmonkey · 07/12/2010 17:20

The dh following the children around cleaning sounds bonkers. Your friend doesn't sound very nice either, making digs about being woken early.

Why on earth did they invite you all?

magichomes, I do have to say that before I had children I said a lot of things about how I was going to rear them. Let's just say that after having four, I have lightened up and luckily ds1 is not too damaged by being the first!Wink

I don't let them run around making a mess, though, once they are old enough to tell them. But there is very little you can tell an eighteen month old!

magichomes · 07/12/2010 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 17:25

This reply has been deleted

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spidookly · 07/12/2010 17:28

:o

so you're bossy Victorian parent with other adults as well as children?

magichomes · 07/12/2010 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horton · 07/12/2010 17:36

I don't think I'd even expect an 18 month old to be badly behaved.

Then you have a big surprise coming, should you ever have children!

wildfig · 07/12/2010 17:42

I don't have children, and I certainly don't presume to offer advice on how anyone else should bring theirs up. I have no advice on that score whatsoever. Not even when asked. I steer well clear of that one.

However I can sympathise a bit with the childless friends; it wasn't very clear from the OP that this is a long-standing tradition that goes back to before anyone had kids. Isn't everyone BabitU? The hosts seem to think (weirdly) they can carry on with the old 'party till late' routine; the guests think the hosts should adapt overnight to a routine which seems to exhaust many parents who are used to getting up early, tidying up, talking constantly, etc. No one wants to look rude by suggesting that maybe this isn't working any more... maybe it might be better to have an adults-only night out altogether, rather than a house party? Or for one of the parents to host the weekend, so the non-parents can leave when the crumbs get too much they've had enough?

YANBU about the army comment. That's just inappropriate. Toddlers would be terrible in tanks.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/12/2010 17:53

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Oh, magichomes , please print out this thread and keep it somewhere for when/if you ever decide to have your own children. I think you'll probably have a toe-curling "what was I thinking" moment. As a poster said previously, I'm sure you don't mean to be rude, but you're not really in a position to judge until you've been there yourself. Smile!

Horton · 07/12/2010 17:54

it's not normal for a child to jump up and down on a sofa

It is TOTALLY normal for a child to jump up and down on a sofa, IMO! That's not to say they shouldn't be discouraged from doing so in someone else's house but it is entirely normal behaviour.

spidookly · 07/12/2010 17:54

Omg you really exist - I've read on mn before about gobshites with no children who think they know all about parenting!

I really thought it was a joke.

How have you been in the world so long and learnt so little of children?

Toddlers making noise is not "bad behaviour", and as for playing with things that aren't "supposed" to be toys? Ffs that's just being a child.

My children are 2.8 and 10 months. Manners are beyond one and only at the early stages with the other. I would be very cross with my 2 year old if she jumped on someone's sofa, and she would stop.

But I am also glad that my friends don't get on their high horses about children being seen and not heard, and start calling me a bratty parent if my child should do something they shouldn't, or have some ugly vendetta about how the world should be "adult-centred" rather than just a place that can cater to people of all ages and abilities with a bit of kindness and forebearance.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horton · 07/12/2010 18:03

Also, my DD was perfectly capable of jumping up and down on a sofa at a year old. Should I have sent her to play outside if she wouldn't stop or repeatedly tried to do it again despite being removed?! I probably would have been able to stop her but lots of children are way more strong-willed than mine was!

AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/12/2010 18:04

magichomes this seems like an odd thread for you to be on IMO. I'm very happy with the "little darlings" I have, thanks. I'm sure they'd think you were great, too Smile

undercovasanta · 07/12/2010 18:05

I don't think its just people who haven't got kids who are uptight about kids being noisy and messy. I think a lot of it depends on whether you can put up with noise and mess.

My DSis is a bit of a dustbuster crumb obsessive, house is like a showroom, not a cobweb in sight! She has no kids yet, but will probably be the same when she has. Whereas I am chaotic, noisy and messy, so kids weren't a big shock to me tbh!

However, your friend should have kept her thoughts to herself, and then not invited you all again if she was so traumatised.

mathanxiety · 07/12/2010 18:09

'Galvanise the British spirit' Right wing nut jobs...

imho, 18 month olds can neither behave well or badly. They are simply being themselves at all times. Their parents can behave well or badly though. As can other adults. Your hosts were most unhospitable towards all of their guests OP, parents and children alike. If they ever have children, I would not like to be their firstborn.

spidookly · 07/12/2010 18:12

Really? I thought you were always having to disappear them for their bratty parenting?

Happy people don't tend to be in the habit of ditching friends ime.

I do enjoy my darlings, and my friends, and their darlings too. The world is a lot of fun when you don't have rigid ideas about how everything should be.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Truffkin · 07/12/2010 18:18

I think YANBU to be offended by her war comment (although maybe not offended, more confused) but are you absolutely sure they are child free by choice?

I know I sometimes say things about how disruptive / loud / messy / early-rising children are as we are struggling to have our own and it helps keep me saner than gushing about how perfectly cute and entertaining they are. I am fairly certain I've never suggested that bombing and destruction might help though Confused

It might be her defense mechanism (although the OCD tidying is clearly just how he is, my BIL is the same and my 2 YO nephew has a great time making mess that is just cleared straight up for him Grin )

AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/12/2010 18:25

Fair enough, magichomes, but - and this isn't meant to sound as patronising as it will probably come across - for a lot of people with children, your views are similar to views we might have had pre-kids. There are, undoubtedly, many parents who are woefully lax on checking their children's behaviour. But, when you pass comment in the way you have on this thread, you are going to get replies suggesting you don't know what you're talking about to a certain extent by virtue of the fact that you don't have your own children.