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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be shocked that my (childless) friend said this?

144 replies

tjandpootle · 07/12/2010 09:54

Last weekend I went to stay with an old friend and her DH (they don't have any kids - their choice). We took our 2 pre-school DCs, as did two other couples (also friends of ours).

None of the kids were especially naughty but they do come with a certain degree of chaos, mess and noise. My friend's DH literally followed the kids around with a hand-held hoover, tutting audibly all the time. At one point he ripped into my DS as he'd knocked a small bowl of crisps on the floor.

In the morning my friend made an audible dig about being woken up by screaming kids - my DD (not yet 1) woke up at 7am which is late for her and was just making normal chatty noises, not screaming.

When we went to leave, my friend said "The problem with the world today is that children have it too easy and we need another war to galvanise British spirit and teach them one or two things about survival."

I was Shock and lost for words.

Does she have a point or am I right to be Shock?

OP posts:
spidookly · 07/12/2010 10:26

"Everyone's imaginary children are impeccably behaved and grateful and obedient and clever"

Gosh, mine weren't. They were bold and a pain in the arse and gave me loads of lip, but I loved them anyway.

They were also, I have realised recently, at least 7 years old.

My imaginary children could control their bowels, and walk and talk and do interesting projects with me.

LaWeaselMys · 07/12/2010 10:34

Mine too Spidookly.

My imaginary DC knew their mind but came to me for hugs anyway.

Actually DD does, I just didn't realise how annoying a character trait this would be at not yet 2, when I am trying to change her nappy...

fedupofnamechanging · 07/12/2010 10:36

If your 'friend' wasn't prepared to deal with any noise/mess, then perhaps she shouldn't have invited 3 couples with children to stay in her house.

I think parents have a responsibility to ensure their children behave respectfully in other peoples homes (and some parents do not do this), but it's unreasonable to expect no mess/noise when there are children visiting.

I'd quietly drop these two from your lives. They sound awful.

GiddyPickle · 07/12/2010 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hammy02 · 07/12/2010 10:40

I was surprised at maktaitai's comment that not having children is an issue. I've just never wanted them. Nor does my partner. It just isn't something in life that we want. It's only when people say it's unusual (which in my circle of friends it isn't) that I even give the matter a thought.

Hullygully · 07/12/2010 10:41

No childless person in their right mind would have three couples plus kids to stay.

I've got dc and I still wouldn't.

But they should have tried to hide it better.

It was nice of them to try, and you should appreciate their effort, but not put them through it again..

spidookly · 07/12/2010 10:43

:o

Oh mine were fussy eaters and filled my house with tat.

But they also did that disappearing thing you mention when they weren't convenient and loved museums.

In fact, what am I saying, there's still hope for the museums (eldest 2.8), isn't there?

ISN'T THERE? :o

Ormirian · 07/12/2010 10:50

"The problem with the world today is that people in the western world have it too easy and we all need kick up the backside and a big dose of reality to teach use one or two things about putting up with trivialities that don't matter and displaying a little tolerance."

GiddyPickle · 07/12/2010 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormirian · 07/12/2010 10:52

Actually what childless (by choice) people need is to borrow a child or two for a week twice a year to learn what it's like. So they can be a little more accepting and less tutty.

2babyblues · 07/12/2010 10:53

YANBU. It's fair enough if people don't want/like children but then why invite you. They must have known what it would be like. They were very rude to you and I would not continue the friendship.

magichomes · 07/12/2010 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spidookly · 07/12/2010 10:57
PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 10:58

Never stay with them again.

They clearly cannot handle the reality of children, so they should not have invited you to stay.

Even the best behaved kids will be a bit noisy and messy and they always get up earlier than adults do at the weekend.

Most childless adults can accept this is true and, though they might find it a bit tiresome, would accept that kids are kids.

If your friends cannot accept your kids then I would find it hard to have any more to do with them personally. The kids are your family and part of you.

Unrulysun · 07/12/2010 10:59

My bff has impeccably behaved imaginary dcs and she has managed to complete an MA during maternity leave (one interesting suggestion for me).

She also bfs for a maximum if 10 mins at three hourly intervals - this leaves plenty of time for swimming and going to the gym while her imaginary dcs slumber peacefully in the imaginary outstanding crèche at the local swimming pool. Consequently her imaginary baby weight took no time to imaginarily shift and she is back in her imaginary prepregnancy jeans. :)

SuzieHomemaker · 07/12/2010 11:03

I would cut the friends some slack. I know that pre-children, DH & I came out with some utter rubbish about child rearing. 3 DCs down the line I am quite impressed when a parent of toddlers gets out of the house at all.

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:12

Suzie - there was no need for the nasty comments though.

SuzieHomemaker · 07/12/2010 11:20

I agree that shouting at the kids for making a mess was very bad manners by the host. On these grounds alone I would probably not be accepting any more invitations for fear of having to deal with one of these outbursts myself as I can be quite clumsy.

The comments were just the sort of rubbish that DH & I would have come out with before our non-sleeping, nocturnal, untidy DCs put us right.

BlueFergie · 07/12/2010 11:21

They were very rude. Why did they invite kids if they have such issues with them. The husband ripped into your DS? I would have serious issues with this.
And the war comment...how very odd?
YANBU - I would not visit friends again who invite my children and then make them feel so uncomfortable.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/12/2010 11:23

My imaginary children were emotionally expressive and I was very accepting of that.

Now my real ones are, I sometimes feel that came to bite me on the bum!

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:26

We had friends with kids to stay during our childfree years and would NEVER have treated them like this.

I have always accepted that kids are a bit messy and noisy even when I had none of my own.

Am I very unusual then?

And Hmm at shouting at kids for knocking over a bowl of crisps. Would they do this to adult guests?

DuelingFanjo · 07/12/2010 11:28

Why did they invite you I wonder? Confused

spidookly · 07/12/2010 11:29

:o

ha ha, Jamie - good point.

Even if you real children were just like your imaginary children, it would still not be quite how it was supposed be.

spidookly · 07/12/2010 11:31

I don't think so PinkEl, I've always know children were messy and noisy and played with things that aren't "supposed" to be toys.

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:40

Glad its not just me, spidookly.

I find it so depressing that so many people accept that it is OK to treat kids more harshly than adults.

They have just as much right to be treated with respect as anyone.

I bet the husband would not have shouted at the OP or her DH if they had been the ones who knocked over the crisps.