Do you allow your husband to meet his woman friends ?

[splendid]

Do you allow your husband to go to dinner or travel with his female friend just two of them?

I have a lot of male friends due to belonging to some very nerdy socs when I was at Uni. I have managed to be friends with them for the last 20-odd years without shagging any of them, so DH is happy for me to go out and about with any of them alone.

He's also welcome to go out alone with his female friends as I suspect that if he had wanted to get into their pants he would have done so by now, instead of marrying me .

I would probably find it different if DH suddenly got a new female friend that he wanted to spend all his time with as that would feel a bit weird, but the friends that he's known for years are all lovely.

But when I made the male friends I have now I was single!

In fact I ran around in an entirely enjoyable feckless manner. One or two was interested then, but stayed friends after I got coupled up, and some have never been interested.

Same goes for me, there were a few I flirted a bit with when I was single, and some I was just friends with.

Now we are all just friends. The only friends I lost after getting together with DP were ones who I did have an actual history with.

I would assume that most people are reasonably similar where there are no other reasons for friendships to break down.

Apologies for getting your name wrong, cat juggling and sleepiness are poor excuses.

I also find the word 'allow' quite odd - two adults in a normal relationship shouldn't need to be allowed to do or not do something.

Interestingly my DH had a close friendship with his ex - until very recently. I never had any problem with him travelling to see her and spending time alone there - as he pointed out there was never a question of who he wanted to be with, he had been with her and it didn't work and he was very happy with me.

The friendship did fizzle out because she has made a couple of nasty comments about me - and he decided that a genuine friend would be happy for him rather than nasty about his partner. But that was his choice.

I have no problem with DH having close female friends I couldn't imagine wanting to introduce that level of control into our relationship by telling him who he could and couldn't be friends with. Also as some have pointed out if a partner is going to cheat they will do, controlling them won't prevent them from straying.

Christmasheave, you really need to disassociate yourself from me on this thread .

;Where did I say I was a sexual magnet that cannot go shopping, what a stupid comparison.'

No, that wasn't you that was me. But I'm a retired sexual magnet now.

Okay so christmaseve and christmasheave are two different posters. Phew, confusing!

christmaseve - I'm only very recently not single, I was single for almost a year before that and I can certainly remember what it was like to be single before I was with/lived with XP. I had loads of male friends then and yes presumably some of them did fancy me, but if I'm honest, I fancied loads of them too, because I was young and most people are like that at that age, I would have thought! I didn't ONLY make friends with people I fancied though, which is the point I was trying to make.

Actually thinking about it when me and new bf got talking at first neither of us fancied each other, maybe that's why it's going so well, because there's no doubt in my mind that he actually likes me as a person.

:o Goblin

"allow" is an odd word choice here imo

I am happy for my dh to have female friends and to go out with them just as he is happy for me to see my male friends.

heave and eve i was getting confused there,thought you were single then married a few posts later.

Goblin, you aimed that comment at me.

what happened to the OP?

I think I've worked out what happened now.
If I could delete my apology for getting the name wrong that I actually got right, then it would all make sense for a few seconds.
Or not.

I'm not in a relationship at the moment but I wouldn't have a problem with what you have described. I generally see it from the point of view that I would be furious if a partner tried to stop me going out with my male friends, so I wouldn't try to stop him from doing the same.

One of the reasons I married my DH is because he genuinely loves women, enjoys their company and treats us like human beings. And in turn, women love him. The majority of DH's friends are women actually, and he often goes out with them on his own, which I have no problem with because we all need to go out occasionally and they're very nice people. (I actually haven't met one friend of his who I haven't liked.) It's a non-issue.

By the same token, of course, I go out with my male friends as well, and he's only too happy for me to do so.

What's the real issue here OP?

What a very odd sort of question. Sometimes on MN I get these glimpses into another world which are fascinating. As here.

Of course DH goes out with his women friends. As I go out with my male friends.

'Allow' - haven't read the whole thread, so aplogies if it's just me who finds that very, very odd phrasing.

I frequently go out for lunch with a male friend - why on earth shouldn't dp go out with a female friend if he wanted to?

Okay - have now read it and I am most deffo not alone!

I'm wondering how "not allowing" another adult to do something would manifest itself in practice.

What are you going to do - stop his pocket money or tell him he can't watch Top Gear?

How would I prevent him from seeing female friends I mean am I supposed to throw a force 10 tantrum or something? Perhaps whip out some handcuffs if he looks as though he might be heading out to meet a predatory female?

How does this 'allowing' stuff work at work? Should I stop him from working in case he has a coffee machine conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Or lunch even?

And on top of which I bloody like seeing my male friends. If I am by some undisclosed means going to prevent my DH from seeing his female friends, i would have perforce to stop seeing my male friends. Everyone loses.

Besides which I NEED DH's female friends to give him some perspective and most immediately ensure he doesn't get me an electric blanket for Christmas.

the not allowing probably involves the partner making umpteem ridiculous promises with the condition that if he/she were to break one (bump into person of opposite sex without first running it past boss partner) then all hell will break loose meaning cold shoulders, sarcastic digs, maybe lots of sucking up from wrong do-er, ensuring that they know life will be unbearable if tehy even attempt to think about person of opposite sex again.

no, I've never been in a controlling relationship. what makes you ask

Of course he's "allowed" to go out and socialise with his female friends

Just like I'm allowed to with my own male friends (or female, or transgender, or foreign, or boring, or interesting person that I deem worthy of my own adult friendship).

Of course partners should be able to voice an opinion ("I don't like your friend X because all he ever talks about is Y", or "I don't like you hanging around that person because they are terribly rude," or something)... but we're all adults, and it's up to US to set boundaries that the partnership is happy with. Restricting one person's freedom to mingle with the opposite sex in such a SWEEPING manner - where does it end?

I married my DH because I love the person he is - if he suddenly turned round and said to me that I was "allowed" to socialise with a close male friend, he wouldn't be the person I married, and vice versa. We're secure in our relationship, and I'm not about to start smothering him!

Good God! Those of you who don't even trust your husband to be in the presence of a woman, what would you do if he was bisexual? Lock him up?

I've been on all sides of this, and it isn't a question of the persons gender, it is a question of trust. Ac ouple of times dH has overstepped my own personal boundaries (which admittedly are a bit odd- much happier with him snogging or whatever - with my permission and presence- then I am with him singing love songs on kareoke for eg) and I have had a quiet word and he has stopped.

He once tried to tell me not to invite a male friend along to a baby shower thing that we were having in my first pregnancy, but we got to the bottom of it and it was more that he was worried we were patronising the friend (he is physically disabled slightly) and once I reassured him that we weren't, it was fine.

i think its a trust issue , i trust my dh completely and when he is at work he often has lunch with female friends or have a pint after work whilst waiting for the bus , i do think if it is an old friend or a mutual friend there is no problem at all , i would be a bit if he came in from work got dressed to take a woman he had not long met for dinner and i wasnt invited i would like to meet her first as he would if it were the other way round .