Do you allow your husband to meet his woman friends ?

[splendid]

Do you allow your husband to go to dinner or travel with his female friend just two of them?

Agree that a newly appeared friend may be slightly different.

I would think it strange if my man wanted another CLOSE female friend. So far he's not wanted one,

don't think it would matter to me really if it was a newly acquired friend or a long-standing acquaintance. You keep making new friends right through life, don't you? Well, I do at least, maybe not such a good handat maintaining them...

are you around still OP? Tell us a bit more about these female friends and the planned holidays etc. It is hard to say when it is all a bit abstract. If we knew more, we could say whether it sounds like a common set-up or something a bit more unusual.

Sometimes you just have to go by your gut instinct, if you feel there is something else going on, maybe there is. I really don't know but if it bothers you, you should at least be able to talk to him about it.

BTW - On this thread I'm referring to friendships with other females that are CLOSE-CLOSE.

That would be a definatite NO-NO for me.

Whilst my dh does have female friends, he has no interest in going out for a meal with them. Maybe grab a coffe somewhere over lunchtime but if it's an evening we'll go out as couples.

I don't allow him to do anything. He does what he wants. As all adults should be free to do IMO. I certainly don't ask his permission to go out!

How strange. Do some people really think they have the right to "allow" or "not allow" another adult to do something just because they married them?

splendid you are his wife, not his mother or keeper.

My DH has loads of good female friends through work - more than male I would say. He meets them for lunch or after work drinks often - always has done. There have been a couple of times when I've got a bit jealous and uncomfortable about it (with one person in particular) because I felt it might be getting a bit too close for comfort, but mostly I'm ok with it. Good job really as I have no choice!

I've been a SAHM for so long that I live the life of a nun and I rarely see any women, never mind any men! If I went back to work now and struck up good friendships with any men I think he would feel distinctly uncomfortable and threatened, and it could cause a potential rift.

But I'm happy to continue being a kept woman while I faff about pretending to write a book, or have loosely formed ideas for businesses that will make me rich, so no danger of me meeting men any time soon.

My dh has women that he has known for 20 years through work. If he were not friends with a couple of them I would worry a bit.
To be in close proximity with someone, to be around when, for example, one collegues husband dies, and maintain a determination to be only an aquaintence would be odd.
I would think that either he had an issue with seeing women as people, did not trust himself, or that perhaps I was a big controlling insecure type and he maintained distance for fear of worrying me.

A man who cannot be friends with a woman has an issue or his wife/ partner does.
Of course if he has little contact with women then that may just be a circumstantial thing

Completely agree Pag.

I agree with the op am afraid so going against the grain here. Dont like my dh socialising with other women without me there tbh. I know he sometimes has coffee with women at work(male dominated environment tho) and has been to work functions with women. But if he told me one of the women were going to their usual facualty night out then wouldnt be that chuffed. Yes I am a jealous cow so sue me

I go have lunches, dinner, movies and more with my male friends... I would not dream to "not allow" DP to do anything, much less spend time with his friends, of whichever gender.

I think it's absolutely pathetic to restrict the friends in this way. Some of you really think it's okay, and moreover your right, to regulate your DH's friends based solely on gender? Wow, that's a horrible lack of trust, whether you catagorise it that way or not.

I'm afraid anyone who would issue a blanket ban on female friendships has some serious problems.

Splendid, do you have something specific you're trying to think through? Or are you asking for perspectives because eg it's your husband not letting you do something?

I ask because it isn't a question that can really be answered in the abstract - it's all about personalities and context and history. My dh is a hugely sociable networky type who has dozens of friends of both sexes, and so he simply isn't at risk of getting into emotional tangles with any one person in that lot - (a) he's spread too thin among all his mates for that & (b) it's not what he does friendship for: he does friendship for how many people he can introduce to how many other people.

So, what is your specific issue, if you have one?

Some of you have some serious Ishoos about this!! If DW tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with some of my oldest university friends, who happen to be women, I would be very puzzled and upset.

I would think absolutely nothing of it. Most of DPs close friends are girls. He was a boarder I think it'll be at least 20yrs before he misses having lots of guy friends - not the way everyone comes out of public school but it is with him!

Agree with allowing being odd.

My husband has female friends and I have no problem with that at all, or him socialising with them. I have to admit I did feel uncomfortable (and told him) when he went out drinking with these friends, and then planned to sleep overnight at a very attractive single female's house after a big session drinking. But I think it was partly because I do not know the woman very well, and previously another one of the group had slept with one of the females after a similar drink fuelled night. Equally though, I don't think I would stay in a man's house alone after a big drinking session. That said I wouldn't not allow it either. I'd express my concerns and let him make his own mind up.

OH is an academic and a musician, both of which activities mean he has friends of the opposite sex. I have male friends.
To me, the concept of having an adult partner and then feeling you have the right to allow or forbid them to do something is bizarre.
Discussing how it makes you feel, airing your insecurities and enabling them to make an informed choice is different.

Dh has several female friends he hangs out with, including one he's been away with (they were once work colleagues, & were attending another ex-colleague's wedding - travelled together & shared a room).

Of course I don't mind - if they wanted to have sex with each other, they'd have done so at some point over their shared history (which pre-dates our relationship).

Equally, dh is in a band - when they play away gigs, the usual sleeping arrangement is: dh shares with the (male) guitarist, unless guitarist's dp & I are along for the ride; other (male) guitarist & (female) backing singer generally share a room unless THEIR respective partners are there. They've been in bands together for about 15 years, again pre-dating both their marriages.

I'd find it a bit mad to balk at travel or dinner tbh! Unless we're talking cosy candle lit dinner swathed in furs as the train rockets through the romantic Siberian landscape, sort of thing...

well i'd be a little bit p'd off if my DH went on holiday without me whoever he was with - but if there was a reason (i.e i couldn't get time off work or i was elsewhere) then it wouldn't matter to me if he was with a female or male friend.

i'm happy for him ot have female friends, though he has only one really really close one and generally we see her and her husband together (but wouldn't be odd if he just caught up with her sometimes)

i've got lots more male friends because of hobbies i've had, DH has met them all but if one was in town just briefly i'd probably meet them without my DH..

What if you were married to someone bisexual - would he not be allowed any friends?

Of course. Not that dh has many nowadays. We live up north and he's from down south & most uni friends either went down near London or back near where they grew up. His ex lived near here for a while and he went round for dinner. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Yes, of course he can

And to answer BertieBotts, I am and he doesn't flinch when I go away for weekends with girl friends. Either you trust someone or you don't. If (general)you don't trust the person you're married to then I think it might be a good idea to figure out why.