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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 10 year old to have my old I phone for chriistmas.

79 replies

tingletangle · 02/12/2010 21:55

I think my dd is far too young to have a mobile phone. However earlier in the year my husband bought her a cheap phone from tesco that she used to text her father ( he lives about a 5 hour drive away and sees her a few times a year). We also live in quite a rural area and dd goes off to play and we use it to call her home or to ask us to collect her from the riding stables. I didn't agree with buying her the phone but kept quiet. DH knew that I was not happy with the purchase.

I am due an upgrade on my iPhone and will have a spare one. I assumed dh was going to have my old phone . DH had told dd that she can have the phone, I now look like a total bitch as I have said it is innapropriate.

We also give small and simple gifts for Christmas , this has been a choice we both agree on. I am annoyed that he wants to break this tradition by giving dd an I phone . He thinks it is not a problem as the phone is not costing us anything. I think this is irrelevant .

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/12/2010 22:06

I agree with your DH, as they get older it's OK to break with what you normally do with them.

My DD1 is 10, and the amount she's changed over the last year is unbelievable, it can be hard to keep up, but I feel different rules apply when they're growing up.

If you've brought your DC up to not be materialistic and appreciate what they have, then that should be how they think by 10 YO.

Will your DD be totally spoiled as a result of getting the phone? - No.

Will she find it an amazing gift and be grateful for it, grateful enough to even do some housework without rolling her eyes? It sounds like it to me.

A phone is neither here nor there, the way you teach your DD to think is everything.

MissAnneElk · 02/12/2010 22:12

I wouldn't give her an iPhone. I wouldn't be keen on a normal phone fir a ten year old but in the circumstances you describe I think it's fair enough. Now that your DH has said yes, you will look like the evil one I'm afraid.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 02/12/2010 22:13

Keep it for her until she attends secondary school.

notremotelyintofootie · 02/12/2010 22:14

Does your dh not know what you could sell your old I phone for? My Ds wanted my old milia but I could get £89 for it so said no chance!!

SixtyFootDoll · 02/12/2010 22:15

DS is aged 10 and already has a mobile, its great he texts his friends, goes off to meet up with them and I can keep track of him.

He would think I was the best Mum in the world if I gace him an Iphone.
He uses Ipad and I touches in school so is very savvy on technology.

I dont see the big problem to be hones

RatherBe · 02/12/2010 22:24

The problem for me would be the unrestricted internet access that an iphone would give.

quaffer · 02/12/2010 22:33

YANBU. You don't say how old your DD but I presume because of your reluctance for her to have a mobile phone in the first place she is young-ish? I agree with her having a mobile for the reasons you set out above but think the iphone is a bad idea. Friends with older kids describe the problems that come with "smart" phones whether they be losing them, running up bills/asking for endless credit or having their nose in Facebook at all times of day and night. As AgentZigZag says i'm sure her having it won't make her more materialistic and she will be grateful but good luck getting her to help with the housework once she downloads angry birds!

quaffer · 02/12/2010 22:35

what a dope! just re-read the subject heading - I think 10 is too young

MrManager · 02/12/2010 22:46

Sounds like a pretty brilliant bargaining tool.

You do the drying or it's back to the old phone.
Hoover the living room or it's back to the old phone.
Help me with these bags, or it's back to the old phone.

She already has a phone, so what extra damage is a fancy one going to do?

ilovesooty · 02/12/2010 22:51

YANBU. Has your husband considered that she could be mugged/attacked while away from home if it becomes known that she has such a piece of technology? In any case, it sounds as though she has no need of anything more advanced than a basic phone.

onceamai · 02/12/2010 23:00

I don't have an i-phone. It isn't necessary. DD 11 has the old house phone that the au-pairs used to use. DS 15 (nearly 16) is getting a blackberry for Xmas/Birthday (same day).

TooBlessed2spendxmasalone · 02/12/2010 23:03

why does a 10yr old need an iphone for? a cheap one will do.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 02/12/2010 23:04

Yabu.

The phone is essentially a spare, if your DH doesn't want it and you clearly have no objection to the principle of her having a phone let her have it.

My DS (4) put an iphone on his Christmas list. Now that would be unreasonable!

Spidermama · 02/12/2010 23:07

I agree with your DH. YABU. Mine would all have iPhones at the age of 10 if I could afford it. They're brilliant things and it's great to encourage children to be really comfortable around technology.

My DS (10) has an iPod touch as well as a phone. I only bought him this as he has diabetes and there's a carb counting app which is brilliant for him when he's calculating how much insulin he needs. Anyway since he got the iTouch he has made so much out of it and discovered a whole world of apps some free some not. He's even bought himself a little microphone, downloaded Skype onto it and uses it as if it were an iPhone. I'm really amazed at his techno confidence and any doubts I had about whether he should get one of these devices at 10 have evapourated.

I think the real issue with you might be more to do with your relationship with your ex?? In which case don't let it affect her. Give her the phone since it's going spare anyway.

Silver1 · 02/12/2010 23:20

You might be seen as being a bit unreasonable but you are her mum, and it is a parenting choice rather than a being cruel thing, so ultimately with your EX pretty much out of the picture you get the say.
BUT is that what you are trying to say to your DH, she's mine I want to make the decisions without you? Because that is BU, he is treating her it seems like he would his own daughter and you are both very lucky to have that, sometimes step-parents are nowhere near that thoughtful.

Once you decide she can have a phone- then an old i-phone I assume a basic 3 like mine, isn't much different, it's a phone and music player-and a few other fun things, but with so much more available on later models it is less likely to be a security risk-it will make her feel very special, and by 10 there are few opportunities left to do that.

Itsonme · 02/12/2010 23:22

Right so you can have an iPhone - the new iPhone at that! - but your 10 year old daughter gets a simple small Xmas gift! Wow, what a nice mother you are! I bet you're the type to keep the really nice biscuits for yourself and buy the cardboard rotten ones for the kids! They are only kids after all - almost don't even qualify as actual humans at that age!

Glad you're not my mother :D

NotanOtter · 02/12/2010 23:25

tingletangle i totally agree with you

YANBU

GrimmaTheNome · 02/12/2010 23:36

We got our DD a basic phone (same as mine!) when she started secondary - bus ride, really does need it. It soon became apparent that this was way uncool - and she's not a child who typically worries about such things - evidently the norm is for children to either be given or inherit fancy phones. Which DH pounced on as an excuse for early xmas for the pair of them, got himself an iPhone and handed down his Nokia internet phone. But he has disabled the internet access from it - DD does not need that, she can use internet safely at home and school - so result is a safe but smart looking phone with touchscreen and camera which is what she wanted.

Don't know if you could do similar with the iPhone, OP?

AgentZigzag · 02/12/2010 23:42

'I bet you're the type to keep the really nice biscuits for yourself and buy the cardboard rotten ones for the kids!'

You're saying that itsonme, as though there's something wrong with keeping the best ones back Grin

seeker · 02/12/2010 23:45

Why is 10 too young?

HelenaRose · 02/12/2010 23:45

Sell the spare iPhone and use the money for smaller Christmas presents?

GrimmaTheNome · 02/12/2010 23:51

10 is a bit young for something which by definition you take out of the home which is quite valuable and easy to lose. Its very young if it allows unfettered internet access!

Original poster
tingletangle · 02/12/2010 23:55

I did type a reply ( on my iphone ironically) but it is not here.

I did not even think of the internet access, DH wants to put a pay as you go sim into it so we would need to disable internet access.

I do object to her having a phone full stop tbh, but I have lost that battle when dh took her out and bought her one.

Itsonme I did not choose the iphone for myself, it was a present from a well meaning relative. I have always had bricks of a phone which I hardly use. I needed a new phone at the time as I lost mine so I took it. I am due an upgrade and we want to change network as we do not get a signal with the current providers. I also think that children need to learn that if you have nice things you work for them. My dd is hardly hard done by tbh. I hardly think that telling a 10 year old they cannot have an i phone is denying their human rights.

Thanks Grimma I will ask DH if he can disbale the internet.

My other issue is that she is quite clumsy and i-phones are fragile. I can see her dropping it and DH telling her off because it is valuable. We could prevent that by keeping her on a cheap mobile.

Silver I really do not want to say to DH that dd is mine so I make all the decisions which is why I muttered my non amusement at the orginal mobile phone but left it at that. I recognise that he is a fantastic stepfather but I wish we would discuss things and if one of us really objects we go with that.

TBH I just find the thought of a 10 year old with an i phone obscene, maybe I am being a snob. I assumed all of MN would agree with me, this is food for thought.

OP posts:
MissAnneElk · 02/12/2010 23:55

Itsonme, that's a really strange way to think of things surely? Does a 10 year old really need a phone that does anything else but make calls and send texts? Most 10 year olds don't even need a phone at all.
My DDs would not expect to have the same level of tech that DH and I have. They did both get laptops for Christmas when they were 14 and 11. They have numerous other consoles, iPods etc. But they really don't need an iPhone - even an old one.
Just for your info, my DDs get the best of the biscuits in our house as DH and I don't eat them.

Original poster
tingletangle · 02/12/2010 23:56

Seeker I don't know why 10 is too young, it just feels it. Perhaps it is because she is quite clumsy and she does loose things, although to be fair she has never lost her mobile.

OP posts:
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