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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 10 year old to have my old I phone for chriistmas.

79 replies

tingletangle · 02/12/2010 21:55

I think my dd is far too young to have a mobile phone. However earlier in the year my husband bought her a cheap phone from tesco that she used to text her father ( he lives about a 5 hour drive away and sees her a few times a year). We also live in quite a rural area and dd goes off to play and we use it to call her home or to ask us to collect her from the riding stables. I didn't agree with buying her the phone but kept quiet. DH knew that I was not happy with the purchase.

I am due an upgrade on my iPhone and will have a spare one. I assumed dh was going to have my old phone . DH had told dd that she can have the phone, I now look like a total bitch as I have said it is innapropriate.

We also give small and simple gifts for Christmas , this has been a choice we both agree on. I am annoyed that he wants to break this tradition by giving dd an I phone . He thinks it is not a problem as the phone is not costing us anything. I think this is irrelevant .

OP posts:
Original poster
tingletangle · 02/12/2010 23:58

Helena she has her Christmas present so I don't need to buy her anything.

To add to this DH does not have a mobile phone which is why I assumed he would have my one.

OP posts:
NotanOtter · 02/12/2010 23:59

i dont think children shuold have mobile phones when brain is still maturing

Original poster
tingletangle · 03/12/2010 00:02

sorry lose not loose, I went back and corrected that as well. Time for bed I think

OP posts:
BaggedandTagged · 03/12/2010 00:05

I am in the middle

I think a 10yr old should have a phone from a practical POV as there are really few payphones now.

BUT I think iphone is too much, and there's no point in having one if you're going to disable the internet access

Re children being comfortable with technology, I really dont think you need to worry about that as it's everywhere. In fact, it's less of a concern than, say, 15 years ago, when you actually needed to be a bit IT savvy to make things work (remember remote dial up? What a PITA was that ? Grin). Now computers are so intuitive that even my mum can use them. Most kids will be users, in which case all they will use is idiot proof technology. Some will be IT geeks, in which case an intimate knowledge of FB will be no use whatsoever.

Original poster
tingletangle · 03/12/2010 00:11

She is very IT savvy and is a budding IT geek. She has spent the evening making a spreadsheet to track her scores for maths tests which included all sorts of formulas to give her a rating according to her progress! Grin

I want to stress I did not encourage the above odd activity.

She loves photgraphy and can work editing software almost as well as me. She also makes and edits her own short films and has a blog that she uses to keep in contact with her Dad and his family. I agree that children need to be comfortable with technology but she is doing that without an i phone.

OP posts:
Gooftroop · 03/12/2010 00:13

If you give her an iphone at age 10, then what will she want/expect when she's 12? Best to delay these sorts of things. It's really grim when one kid in a social group gets something like an iphone - pressure builds on the more conscientious parents who don't feel right about buying something like that for their young children. Tell her you love her, but she's too young. Tell her it would be a lot easier for you to just give her the iphone, but that wouldn't be best for her so you're taking the tough decision. She'll respect you for it later.

Simbacatlives · 03/12/2010 00:14

New iPhones are only available with limited web etc. Check before upgrading that it is worth it

Original poster
tingletangle · 03/12/2010 00:17

I am not bothered about getting a new one tbh, I just need to change my contract to someone who offers a better coverage here.

OP posts:
IDontLikeDisciples · 03/12/2010 01:16

You don't need to disable the internet surely? My old orange phone wouldn't even let me log onto mumsnet due to 'safeguarding'

notremotelyintofootie · 03/12/2010 08:53

If you dont need a new phone why not upgrade to a sim only deal, you'll save money by not getting a new phone too... Have a look at moneysavingexpert.com

notremotelyintofootie · 03/12/2010 08:54

And then there is no issue re the iPhone as you will still be using it!

Gooftroop · 03/12/2010 08:58

Gosh, what a perfect solution notremotelyintofootie - OP don't upgrade your phone! Xmas Wink

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 03/12/2010 08:58

You need to disable the internet.

I got my Iphone last week and typed in www.mumset.com

DO NOT try that address unless you want to see fanjo's out Shock

And what about when she downloads stuff, it takes you over your limit and gives you a 3k bill - which happened to someone I know

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 03/12/2010 09:40

gooftrop god you sound dreadful: "pressure builds on the more conscientious parents..." I know this is MN but that has to be the judgiest thing I have heard in a while.

Leaving aside the issue of what objects a "conscientious" parent permits their child, if you don't want your child to have something at least have the courage of your convictions to adequately explain to your child why they can't have it and deal with the consequences. Don't blame other parents for putting you under pressure.

Gooftroop · 03/12/2010 09:53

Thanks, I try.
The conscientious parents will know what I mean Grin.

Niceguy2 · 03/12/2010 09:58

Well I'm one of the geekiest gadget monsters I know. My 14yr old DD has an iphone, I have more computers at my house than I can shake a stick out. In fact computers outnumber people by a fair factor here.

However, would I give my 10yr old an iphone....No.

It's not about the tech. It's about the value. The iphone is still a very expensive phone. Even the old 3G is still fetching £200+ on ebay.

If your DD is anything like my 9yr old son, I wouldn't trust them to take care of it. Before you know it, the screens scratched, they've dropped it etc. I just bought mine his third phone for 99p. When he shows me he can take care of it, i'll consider getting him a better one!

Plus do you really want your 10yr old walking around with an iphone. You may as well tattoo "mug me" on their forehead.

Also, an iPhone without a data tarriff is useless. You may as well get her an ipod touch. So you'll end up shelling out more credit too.

I'm a live & let live sort of guy who adores tech, wants my kids to be techie and hates the cotton wool, nannying which is all so prevalent nowadays (esp on MN it seems). But a 10yr old carrying around a £200+ phone? Nah! I'm not that stupid.

EricNorthpolesChristmas · 03/12/2010 10:00

YANBU
an Iphone is too expensive, too valuable and too high tech for a child. She will break it or lose it, either you disbale internet making it pointless, or you don't, meaning she can access anything at all. Sell the Iphone and buy her a nice handset with a camera and mp3 player in pink or somesuch for £30. I would never let a 10 year old have anything that expensive.

seeker · 03/12/2010 10:34

An Iphone that nobody is using is just a worthless collection of components. The OP has a new phone. Why on earth not hand down her old one? Presumably there will be strict rules about when she can take it out of the house and where she keeps it when she does.

And why are people so scared of the Internet?

Sensible rules - and it's a fabulous tool. And huge fun.

NigellaPleaseComeDineWithMe · 03/12/2010 10:42

YANBU - don't see why a 10 year old needs any sort of phone.

Our DS2 (14) is going to sort out his own 'phone and it only needs to be a basic 'cal & text message - it's much cheaper and there's less risk of them having a good phone stolen from them as it won't be so 'cool'.

Silver1 · 03/12/2010 10:43

The way I see it is
You let your daughter have a phone
You would let her have a music player I assume?
You let her play games
You let her surf the net

SOOO

Why can't she have these things in one hand held gadget?

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 03/12/2010 10:45

seeker I agree.

If you want to sell it fair enough but you don't. It is going to sit in a drawer unused. In which case if it does get broken - and I don't think you are giving her much credit here - no harm done.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/12/2010 11:40

I would be concerned about the risk of the phone being stolen off a 10yo. Even the 1st gen iPhones are worth quite a bit.

Also internet charges if she's on a PAG sim. If you can disable the internet can your tech-savvy 10yo re-enable it!!

Remember that apps cost money too. Have you downloaded any and therefore is your phone linked to your iTunes account?

Tricky now your DH has promised it though. Could she play with it at home, using it like an iPod Touch and take the old phone out with her? Could be a compromise as it's the same as a Touch just with phone capabilities.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/12/2010 11:59

I would also second getting yourself a sim-only contract. I did the same (got DH's old iPhone) and I pay £20/month for loads of minutes, texts and unlimited internet. Perfect for the iPhone and the phone is insured should I lose it or have it stolen. Win-win Grin

RatherBe · 03/12/2010 12:20

Seeker, people aren't scared of the internet. My opinion is that at 10, children should use the internet
in a place where their parents are likely to be around (like the living room or kitchen). That way it becomes a 'public' thing, like watching television together. An iPhone has the potential to give a child internet access anywhere. It's not the technology, it's the context.

PinkElephant73 · 03/12/2010 12:30

i second purple crazy horses suggestion.

we did exactly this with DHs old iphone, DS1 got it for his 11th birthday, it does not have a phone contract so functions as an ipod touch. there is no way he would be allowed a contract on it!

as we have a wireless doobery he can go on tinternet with it.

he is NOT allowed to take it out unless he is with us. we have a very old nokia handset with a payg SIM in it which he uses to keep in touch when out with his mates.