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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 10 year old to have my old I phone for chriistmas.

79 replies

tingletangle · 02/12/2010 21:55

I think my dd is far too young to have a mobile phone. However earlier in the year my husband bought her a cheap phone from tesco that she used to text her father ( he lives about a 5 hour drive away and sees her a few times a year). We also live in quite a rural area and dd goes off to play and we use it to call her home or to ask us to collect her from the riding stables. I didn't agree with buying her the phone but kept quiet. DH knew that I was not happy with the purchase.

I am due an upgrade on my iPhone and will have a spare one. I assumed dh was going to have my old phone . DH had told dd that she can have the phone, I now look like a total bitch as I have said it is innapropriate.

We also give small and simple gifts for Christmas , this has been a choice we both agree on. I am annoyed that he wants to break this tradition by giving dd an I phone . He thinks it is not a problem as the phone is not costing us anything. I think this is irrelevant .

OP posts:
PinkElephant73 · 03/12/2010 12:32

ps at age 10 your DD is old enough to understand, if you tell her, that this is a "one-time" big gift and not to expect something of equivalent retail price next year.

Original poster
tingletangle · 03/12/2010 12:34

I am going to look into just changing the sim, I don't know why that had not occured to me.

OP posts:
RosieGirl · 03/12/2010 12:42

Please also take into consideration, bullying, my 14DD has had some awful problems with phone bullying, which luckily was treated very seriously by the school, but still was horrible while it lasted.

You also can't control what other children will send her, I really don't think its worth it. As long as they have a phone for emergency contact I really think its enough.

ihearthuckabees · 03/12/2010 13:00

Haven't read the whole thread, but I don't think the OP is being unreasonable. I am quite surprised at how many people feel their kids deserve expensive mobiles, andthink they enhance their kids lives.

Crumbs, I'm going to try to keep my DS (8) away from them for as long as possible - I know it will become inevitable at some point, but it seems like a horrible responsibility for a youngster, and probably stunts their independence as they can easily phone mum or dad to rescue them if something happens.

Also, I don't have a problem with kids having to work their way up to the expensive items. We adults have had to wait years to get the nice things in life. Give them something to strive for...

NotanOtter · 03/12/2010 21:04

agree totally iheart - there is no deferred gratification nowadays and i think that we are in for a generation of depressives - when they have had it all on a plate - why work for it...

seeker · 03/12/2010 23:04

Look, I'm not saying that you should go out and buy an Iphone for a 10 year old - I am as puritanical about this sort of thing as the next woman. But here is a phone lying around - why not give it to someone who'll use it? I agree with deferred gratification - but it's bonkers to create it artificially.

duchesse · 03/12/2010 23:09

I think she is far too young. Tell her she can have it when she is 13.

I agree with you. I think your DH is barking up the wrong tree.

bellavita · 03/12/2010 23:12

Oh fgs, we are in a world of technology. I don't see a problem with it.

duchesse · 03/12/2010 23:16

Because at 10 she should be out riding her horse, climbing trees and being physical, not wearing out her thumb joints texting 24/7 and playing stupid phone games. Children really have not changed as much as the technology has- people are wrong to think they have.

catinthehat2 · 03/12/2010 23:16

I don't knowif anyone has suggested this yet, so sorry for repeating. CAn you not keep her on the bogstandard phone for texting & talking? Use the Iphone as an Itouch instead by having no contract. She can download games, keep music on it etc and have a lot of fun. PLus you can put a passwordon it to restrict use whn she has stuff to do. It won't need to leave the house, so won't get lost.

sleighBELLasringing · 04/12/2010 08:56

duchesse, she can still do all those things too. My boys 11 and 13 do.

duchesse · 04/12/2010 10:26

Honestly though, other considerations aside, I think it is far too expensive an item to give a 10 yo. It's too much responsibilty for her to have to look after £300+ worth of equipment.

taintedsnow · 04/12/2010 10:42

Oh I agree with the YANBU party here. Far too young for an iPhone. There is the internet issue, the mugging for the phone problem (which is real, and does happen, don't be told otherwise) and the fact that there is a very wide divide on what two of her parents feel on the subject.

FattyArbuckel · 04/12/2010 10:46

Kids with iphones can lose them, have them stolen, break them or even be mugged for them.

For these reasons I don't think they are a great choice.

mummytoatribe · 04/12/2010 10:50

I wouldnt be happy with my 13 yr old having one, let alone a ten year old.

Regardless of what its cost to you is, its worth is alot and several hundred pounds worth of technology is too much of a responsibility for a child that age.

I would sell it!

mugggletoeandwine · 04/12/2010 10:51

I wouldn't.
DD is 9 and I've said she can have a phone when she starts secondary school.
She doesn't need one before then, and certainly not such an expensive one.

Original poster
tingletangle · 04/12/2010 14:22

Thanks for all the advice. I am going to look into keeping the phone and just changing the SIM or otherwise selling the old phone and donating the money to a charity.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/12/2010 14:27

An Iphone does sound unnecessarily much for a 10yr old.

But what do I know-I have my teenage daughter´s cast off mobileGrin

jendifa · 04/12/2010 14:46

It's a spare phone.
You do not need it.
Let her have it. You haven't said whether she is spending lots of time texting her friends currently, if she is, then she will continue to. If she doesn't, then she won't, regardless of the phone she has.
YOu can also download lots of educational apps.
Unless you want to sell it, surely it would just be lying around anyway, so what does it matter if she has it and then looses it? Assume it wont be on contract so shouldn't matter?

seeker · 04/12/2010 14:57

"Thanks for all the advice. I am going to look into keeping the phone and just changing the SIM or otherwise selling the old phone and donating the money to a charity."

I really really can;t get nmy head round this. I just can't see any reason why your daughter shouldn't have your hand-me-down phone just because it's an Iphone.

Bizarre. You don't want it. You don't want to sell it. But you don't want to give it to someone who will use it, and enjoy it.

Original poster
tingletangle · 04/12/2010 15:07

But she does not need it either, she has a perfectly adequate mobile. The phone that she has takes photos, plays music, texts and makes calls.

She often plays on the Apps on my phone.

It will not be lying around it will be sold and a child with much less than my dd wil benefit.

OP posts:
notremotelyintofootie · 04/12/2010 17:24

I think that's a great idea tingle!

seeker · 05/12/2010 08:18

And are you going to pack her Christmas breakfast up and give it to the Hummells - a la Little Women? {grin]

deliciousdevilwoman · 05/12/2010 20:54

And are you going to pack her Christmas breakfast up and give it to the Hummells - a la Little Women? {grin]

Seeker! Lol. I am with you on this. The OP's daughter may not need an i phone as her current one is functional, but if it was my kid, I had one I didn't need that would likely gather dust/stay in a drawer I'd give her first dibs above selling it or giving it away elsewhere because it was promised by DH and because she would be thrilled. I would outline the expectations/boundaries re looking after and usage of course. There is a time and a place for need/deserve/work for it and a time for "just because"....And I will no doubt further set the cat amongst the pigeons as I would unlikely give my DD my old phone as a Christmas present-I'd just pass it on to her

SixtyFootDoll · 07/12/2010 18:16

Agreee seeker and ddw and Jendifa

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