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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that my sis didn't call me as soon as she had her baby

68 replies

mamaclaus · 30/11/2010 20:54

...she gave birth this morning and although I got an email from her DH, nobody called me. I can't understand it because we are quite close and she was pretty much the first person I called when I had both my babies. Or I think I can understand it but I'm upset at the reason...I have just moved to Canada and I don't think she wanted to call long distance from her mobile. Wouldn't any worry about cost go out the window when you've just had your first child? After waiting all day, I called her because I was desperate to talk to her and she said sorry and that she was planning to Skype me tomorrow. It all rankles a bit when I was planning to fly over on my own to see her next week...

OP posts:
Hulababy · 30/11/2010 20:57

Give her chance. She has just given birth. She made sure you knew - by email. That is fair enough for now. She was already planning to talk to you tomorrow, presumably from hime - baby will be a day old. She has enough to worry about right now - new baby, feeding, sleeping, etc. Just give her a little while to breathe before she has to start making sure she meets other people's demands!

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 30/11/2010 20:57

I didn't call anybody when I'd had DS, my DP called my Mum and his Mum and they passd on the news.. last thing on my mind was bothering to phone people tbh! (btw, I have a Sister who I am very close to, so it's not like I don't know what that's like)

You're obviously hurt by her not calling though, but don't take it out on her...

YABU, sorry

ENormaSnob · 30/11/2010 20:58

Yabu

and self centred.

pjmama · 30/11/2010 20:58

She's just had a baby, perhaps she's got other things to think about?! It's not as if they haven't let you know the baby has arrived, they're just understandably pre-occupied. Give her a break!

DeckTheIceWithDragonsAndHolly · 30/11/2010 21:00

TBH YABU. Some people arent up to calling anyone. I didnt even have anyone in the hospital the first day after ds was born. DP (at the time) sent a text to my folks and his family. they let people know from there. i didnt notify my sisters personally at all.

No cost wouldnt go out of the window. somepeople have very tight budgets. Some people have traumatic birth experiences.

Why on earth would it have any reflection on whether or not you go to visit? although not everyone wants vistors in the first week either.

Everyone is different and what and how you experience birth might have been very vey different to her experience and bares no reflection on your relationship.

Madinitials · 30/11/2010 21:02

Don't let it get to you. My sister and I are super close too and when I got included in the round robin text that went out upon the arrival of her baby, I was a little put out but then thought "erm, am I being a little self centred here? Si!!" YABU

Original poster
mamaclaus · 30/11/2010 21:03

Well it's good to hear I'm being unreasonable because it makes me feel better, but for the record she had neither a traumatic birth experience nor has a tight budget, the baby has been sleeping most of the day and she hasn't been asleep. So it's hardly chaos where she is right now.

OP posts:
bigbarnfarm · 30/11/2010 21:04

I think you need to stand back a bit.

She might have had a really crap birth and be reeling a bit.

And by crap birth I don't mean you run through the checklist of what you or others consider to be a bad birth experience.

I mean, a bad experience for her

bigbarnfarm · 30/11/2010 21:05

Oh, I see you've already made yourself judge and jury on what constitutes traumatic Hmm

chitchatinsantasear · 30/11/2010 21:05

YABabitU and you know it! Just because you rang her straight after you had your baby, doesn't mean she was in the same place emotionally, physically, mentally etc. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to any of my family in Australia. I was exhausted, upset (wanting to do some serious injuries to the midwives!), and just bloody grateful that it was over and I could cuddle my DS.

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 30/11/2010 21:05

it doesn't matter how easy/difficult her experience has been. She's just had a baby.

crisistocrisis · 30/11/2010 21:09

yabu. Women who have just had a baby can do whatever they jolly well please.

jugglingjo · 30/11/2010 21:10

As well as having just given birth, she even had another reason not to call which you've told us - she might not have wanted to call Canada on her mobile !

Be happy ! Safe birth for mother and baby !

She let you know her big news straight away !

Stay close !

Remember everyone's different. Not everyone can be super organised when they have a new baby to think about !

Love from us to you, so you can pass it on to your sis and her new baby !

Blu · 30/11/2010 21:12

YABVU.
And if she is in hospital, you are banned from using mobiles in many.
You were told of the birth - your BIL e mailed you!

Blu · 30/11/2010 21:13

Yes, can you not celebrate a happy birth and look forward to skyping with her tomorrow, and hopefully seeing the baby?
Talk about making this negative!

mumeeee · 30/11/2010 21:13

YABVU. She has just given birth and probably wasn't up to phoning you, Her DH did email you, I would not call Canada on a mobile howeber much money I had,

herbietea · 30/11/2010 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DeathandTaxes · 30/11/2010 21:19

YABVU

She has just had a baby fgs, it's not all about you.

You should be delighted for her not nursing this silly feeling of hurt.

June2009 · 30/11/2010 21:22

One of my best friends waited 2 full weeks to tell me her daughter was born!
I hadn't called because I did not want to be yet another person bothering her asking "if the baby was born yet". In fact I eventually emailed her to ask and that's when I found out, she then sent a group email to let all her contacts know.

At the time I didn't think "oh what a cow", I felt sorry I didn't live closer so that I could help her, she was clearly really busy with her newborn/recovering from stinging fanjo stitches etc

When I gave birth after a looooooooooooonnnnnnnnng labour I only called my dad, literally too tired. I don't think I actively picked up a phone to speak to anyone else for ages.

I can understand that you initially felt left out but you should really get over it and go see her. There's a hundred million reasonable reasons why she hasn't called you personally within the first 24 hours after birth.

magicmummy1 · 30/11/2010 21:23

YABU. You can't possibly dictate whether or not she should feel up to making phonecalls just after giving birth. Just because you did, doesn't mean everyone else should.

Her DH e-mailed you, so you weren't forgotten. Maybe she just wants some quiet time with her baby and her OH etc.

My sister and I have always been close, but I can't even remember if either of us phoned each other after giving birth, but I don't think either of us did - and our babies were only 6 weeks apart so we'd gone through the whole pregnancy thing together as well.

Just chill, and try not to take it personally - you'll speak to her soon enough!

duchesse · 30/11/2010 21:23

She's prob exhausted and shattered. You found out as soon as it was feasible to find to out. Maybe you are feeling a bit out on a limb because of your move and are taking this more negatively than if you were a couple of hours away. Send her some flowers (order through the hospital florist) and book your ticket once you've had the go ahead that it's ok to come (she may have had CS or intervention). Will you be staying with them or with family?

Original poster
mamaclaus · 30/11/2010 21:24

I completely agree with most of you and I think that's probably what I wanted to hear. But honestly, I am not being judge and jury on what constitutes 'traumatic' - she said to me herself that it was really easy, she couldn't believe how easy it was and she feels fine! So those are her words, not mine.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 30/11/2010 21:24

I didn't call anyone.

Original poster
mamaclaus · 30/11/2010 21:27

duchesse - I am going to be staying with them as she asked me before she had the baby if I would go over and see her when the baby was born. Of course I really want to. I haven't booked ticket yet though for that reason - I wanted to make sure she really did want visitors before I booked!

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 30/11/2010 21:27

yastillbu you know?

Maybe she not one of those people who let "costs go out the window" - I know I'm not.

She has other things to think about rather than calling round everyone - even if the baby is asleep she will be admiring it sleeping.

I agree you should hold back with your plane ticket - it might actually be nicer for her to have you over a bit later on once she has settled into "being a family" with her DH.