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AIBU?

to be upset that my sis didn't call me as soon as she had her baby

68 replies

mamaclaus · 30/11/2010 20:54

...she gave birth this morning and although I got an email from her DH, nobody called me. I can't understand it because we are quite close and she was pretty much the first person I called when I had both my babies. Or I think I can understand it but I'm upset at the reason...I have just moved to Canada and I don't think she wanted to call long distance from her mobile. Wouldn't any worry about cost go out the window when you've just had your first child? After waiting all day, I called her because I was desperate to talk to her and she said sorry and that she was planning to Skype me tomorrow. It all rankles a bit when I was planning to fly over on my own to see her next week...

OP posts:

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NestaFiesta · 01/12/2010 10:52

YABU- Let her enjoy her first few hours of awe with her baby without thinking "Damn, I must ring Canada, where's my mobile?". Its not up to you to judge how good or bad her birth experience was. Also, don't make her feel bad about not ringing you- this is a wonderful moment for her, don't tinge her memories with guilt from you.

frgr · 01/12/2010 10:54

YABU. if you're close, she hasn't slighted you on purpose. she obviously just has a lot going on at the moment - she's literally only just had her baby fgs...

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:56

uabu, let it go and enjoy the baby.

tigitigi · 01/12/2010 11:01

I don't think yabu - as soon as I got back to the room my DH and I were on the 'phones to all the family - and I insisted that they be allowed to visit even though the evil MW was refusing to allow them in 'because she has just had a baby and does not know what is good for her'.

Btw I had a dreadful time with my 1st - he nearly died and it was a full on EMCS. I think new parents (mothers in particular) often think the world revolves about them and their baby - it dosn't but their families world does and they owe them some communication.

Congrats on the new niece/nephew- I hope you have a good visit and that your sister starts behaving properly again.

getabloodygrip · 01/12/2010 11:01

Have you had a baby?
YABSO Unbelievably U.

Seriously, get over yourself.

frgr · 01/12/2010 11:04

tigitigi the OP has been emailed by the husband to let her know about the birth, which is more than reasonable to say the OP is in another timezone/country. she's clearly been thought of. it's only been hours since the kid was born - isn't the mother allowed some let up from people's expectations before they all start piling on? just let her enjoy her first morning along with her little one, she will contact you AGAIN in good time if you are as close as originally implied. it's not about the very very new mother being selfish, it's about her family having realistic expectations of what it's like to have just given birth and give her some slack

tigitigi · 01/12/2010 11:09

Yes I have had 2 children, as I said one nearly died while I had him. I just don't think that gave me the right to forget about other people who were concerned about me/my baby and I really think many mothers need to get life in perspective. Women have children every day - many in horrific circumstances with none of the support that we get.

FakePlasticTrees · 01/12/2010 11:13

Just to add to the pile of YABU (but I think you get that now). I didn't call anyone, DH called my parents and his parents and then let them tell everyone else. (To be fair, the quickest way to get news to all and sundry is to tell my mother...)

As someone else said up thread - I also spent a lot of time during the first day just manically smiling at my DS muttering about how gorgeous he was.

FakePlasticTrees · 01/12/2010 11:17

Tigitigi - so long as everyone's told the baby is here and both baby and mother are well (along with the standard name and weight details) isn't that enough for the first 24 hours? Do you really think everyone else has a right to the mother's time in the first few hours, or is it ok for her to rest and focus on her child once she's certain everyone knows there's nothing to worry about?

frgr · 01/12/2010 11:20

Women do have children every day, tigi, but there are thousands of women dying and being crippled due to the medical complications that giving birth entails, I do hate it when people try to trivialise it as if it's just having your teeth polished at the dentist None of this justifies having certain expectations of a new mother - and I don't think that someone like you will ever be able to understand what I'm saying... you view not getting a phone call the morning of the new arrival as "being forgotten", I view not getting a call that WEEK as "being forgotten" - this is a fundamental difference of opinion. And since the OP and the new mum might just have the same difference of opinion, it doesn't mean to say either of them is RIGHT. Just that they disagree. Soooo.... OP IBU to think that everyone thinks as she does, really

frgr · 01/12/2010 11:22

p.s. the morning of my first I was so out of it that I cringe to think family thought I was being selfish or ignorant by not calling them to chat in person (where does it stop? I call sis but not mother? I call both, I then have to call MIL. And since FIL was on business, do I call him too? If I call them, will my cousin who i'm relatively close to be offended? .... this is the sort of crap that should be so far down a new mother's priority list it's unreal...)

SandStorm · 01/12/2010 11:42

Just as an aside - are you actually allowed to use mobiles in a hospital?

Blu · 01/12/2010 11:49

Sandstorm - no.
But everyone ignores it because the need to call, FB, Twitter is paramount and far more important than electronic lifesaving equipment or the peace for someone in a neighbouring bed who has been up for 2 nights in labour.

otchayaniye · 01/12/2010 11:53

I didn't call anyone when I had my baby in Asia. The first call I got was from a work colleague strangely.

And I had a great birth.

theevildead2 · 01/12/2010 11:54

If she had felt up to getting in touch she would have. Especially if you are close!

SandStorm · 01/12/2010 11:54

That's what I thought. I just wondered if the rules had changed since I was last in a hospital.

Bit of an academic question then re the phone call unless it was a home birth.

matildarosepink · 01/12/2010 11:57

After all the mum's just done, whatever she wants, she should get. And if it's a first baby, what she thought she'd do beforehand, she may change her mind about afterwards.

Mum's needs and desires come first, everybody else's egos come second. (or third, etc)

Cannot believe how the general public (and some family members) believe that they have some kind of immediate access rights to newborns. It's always made me tut. Just stand right back, and look forward to being invited when it works for the parents. Let them have this moment...

NestaFiesta · 01/12/2010 13:13

What frgr and Matilda said. Baby and new parents' needs first, THEN everyone else. Stop making it about you- especially you tigi! The OP was told the news by her BIL, but her sister was still in recovery.

Tigi, I too had a traumatic birth and EMCS but DH rang parents once we were both safe and they danced to our tune, we didn't dance to theirs.

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